The Other Life of Holly Lindsey
by Isabella GL
Summary: This story starts in the fall of 1988 in Europe. Holly Lindsey is travelling on her own and runs into a handsome stranger. She could swear that she has never met him before, but could her memory be playing tricks on her? I started this story a while back and the first few parts have been up for some time, but I'm planning on completing it soon!
1. Strangers In The Night

After her divorce from Dietrich Lindsey in 1988, Holly travels to Italy and meets a handsome stranger. She could swear she never saw him before, but then again...This story begins the fall of 1988. It takes place in Europe and Springfield.

* * *

The sun was setting down on Rome. Holly Lindsey was strolling down the streets of the Trastevere, looking for a restaurant which would not turn out to be a tourist trap. After eight years in Europe, she had gotten pretty good at spotting the authentic ones. She finally settled for a place on the Piazza del Ponziani. She was in the mood for pasta carbonara, with a glass of white wine, or hell, maybe two.

She sat outside on the tiny terrace, looking at the rising moon and enjoying the sweetness of the evening breeze, which was still balmy in the last days of September. As of today, she thought, she was finally a free woman. Her divorce had been finalized that very morning and she had left Switzerland for Italy immediately after.

She thought of Dietrich, her ex-husband. He had been good to her and Chrissy, and had provided the security she so craved for after leaving Springfield. He had also provided her with career opportunities, by giving her control of one of his radio stations. He had given her independence, and for that she would always be grateful to him.

Despite all of that, it had become obvious in the last few months that their marriage was no longer viable. For years, she had loved to be with him, but had she loved him? She doubted it now. They had grown to fight over the silliest matters and it came to a point where neither of them could see any way out other than divorce. She suspected that at best, they would remain polite acquaintances.

"Where to now?" she mused, sipping her glass of wine. That was why she had come to Italy: to have some quiet time and to plan her next move. She did not want to keep working for Dietrich. Paris tempted her, as well as London, or even New York. She had ruled out Springfield from the start, shuddering at the mere thought of returning to the hellhole where she had met and married Roger Thorpe.

If only she knew where her daughter was, she might go and join her, though she suspected that she might not be welcomed. In the last year, their relationship had become so strained that when Chrissy had decided to travel abroad after her studies, Holly had not tried to stop her. At first, she had called and sent postcards from Europe, then from various countries in South America. It had been three months since the last one and Holly was starting to get seriously worried. She sighed, wondering why it had always been so hard to get along with her daughter. At times, it seemed that the only thing that they had in common was their red hair.

She snapped back to reality when a waiter asked her if she wanted dessert. The semi-freddo was excellent, he assured her. She declined and opted for a short espresso. Looking around, she noticed a man looking at her intently from the next table. Tall, blond, broad-shouldered and square-jawed, he looked like the prototype of the handsome American. In fact, he looked a little bit like Ken, though less proper than the doll version, she thought, silently laughing at her private joke. Taking her smile as an invitation, he got up and asked in a very good Italian if he could join her for coffee. She accepted in English, acknowledging that she was a fellow citizen. If he was surprised by her answer, he did not show it.

Upon seeing him up close, Holly realized that he was younger than she thought; in his mid-twenties at most. The business suit and the confident air had fooled her into thinking that he was older. This made their age difference jump into the double digits, a fact that amused her even more.

"I am Holly," she said, extending her right hand to shake his.

"And I am Phillip," the man replied with a playful smile.

* * *

Philip Spaulding was having a very good time, a thing that had not happened too often in the last few weeks. In fact, not since he had learned that Meredith Reade was carrying his baby. He would have been a proud father-to-be if it had not been from the fact that Meredith was engaged to his best friend, Rick Bauer. Yep, he thought for the hundredth time, that tiny little detail was all that it took to turn him into a world-class asshole. This business trip away from Springfield was heaven-sent.

He sighed. He was not going to think about that tonight, not with a woman like the beautiful redhead at his side. After coffee, they had decided to walk along the river and had been talking for more than an hour. He had been immediately charmed by her caustic sense of humour, which was not unlike his own. He found her witty, sophisticated, not to mention gorgeous. He liked that she was older and the aura of mystery that she kept about herself. She had not told him her last name and had not asked for his.

Instead of talking about their personal lives, they chatted about politics, books they had both read, movies they had seen, their favourite Europeans cities. He was startled when she mentioned, offhandedly, that she had a grown-up daughter. She looked too young to have a daughter past her teens. Besides, he could have sworn earlier at the table that she was not wearing a wedding ring. He discretely tried to look again.

She caught him glancing at her hands and gave a little laugh. She held up her left one for him to have a good look.

"No ring. Is that what you were looking for?" she said, still smiling.

"Living in sin, are you?" he answered, not missing a beat.

Holly laughed again before explaining: "The father of my daughter has been dead for a long time now". She looked away, seeming to return far back into her past.

"So you are a widow? How charming! Are you a tragic widow or a merry one?" said Philip lightly, sensing that he better cheer her up.

"Neither; we were divorced before he died. I got remarried after that." She hesitated and added: "Then I got divorced again. Today."

Philip stopped in his tracks, giving her an incredulous look. "Today?"

She did not answer so after a while he asked: "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing, I guess."

"Great, then we must celebrate!" Philip cried, picking up a flower on the riverbank and handing it to her with a smile.

They crossed the river by the next bridge and soon found a wine bar where the music was soft and the lights were dimmed. Holly noticed that Philip led her directly to the cosiest table in the back. She reflected that life often had a way of sending the right person at the right time. Tonight, she needed to distract herself, and she could sense that, for all his apparent cheerfulness, the same was true for him.

* * *

They left the bar at closing time, both slightly wobbly on their feet. The wine was excellent, and there had been so many toasts to make. Holly could hardly remember the way to her hotel. Instead of hailing a cab, they decided to walk again for a bit in silence. They had run out of things to say but did not feel like parting, though neither of them dared to say it out loud.

Finally, Philip stopped in front of an elegant building and said: "This is me." He hesitated and then asked:" Shall I call you a cab?"

Holly looked down, willing herself to say that yes, she wanted a cab. After all, she did not know this man at all, and he was so much younger than she was. Really, it would be ridiculous of her to stay. Suddenly, she felt his hand on her neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps. A lock had escaped her loose updo and he gently replaced it behind her ear. Their eyes met and they could both feel something stir inside. "Unless…" he began.

"Unless?" She asked, slightly out of breath.

"Unless you would like to see my suite before you go? The view on the Tevere is amazing." Philip replied, stepping closer.

Holly swallowed hard before answering. "I would love too".

And just like that, she followed him inside. After all, she reasoned, he was not wearing a wedding ring either.

* * *

Still half-asleep, Philip turned in bed and reached for Holly, only to found an empty spot where her body had been. Sitting up, he woke up for good and got out of bed, assuming that she was in the apartment somewhere.

Their night had been amazing. More than amazing. She had given herself to him as if it was the last time she ever made love. Now, he wanted more.

It did not take him long to realize, however, that she was gone. At first, he hoped that she had just stepped out to get them coffee. After a while, he had to admit to himself that she was not coming back. He felt a pang of disappointment. He would have loved to see her again, even if just to say goodbye. Also, he could not shake the feeling that there was something familiar about her, and he wanted to ask her if maybe they had not met before.

He dressed and headed downstairs. Two notes were waiting for him at the front desk. The first one was from Blake, asking him to call him back in Springfield regarding an urgent business matter. He read it with a twinge of guilt. Blake was not his girlfriend exactly, so technically he had not been unfaithful. He had been pursuing her for the last few weeks, however, and it was obvious to everyone that they would soon become an item. He shrugged the guilt away. She was never going to know.

The second note was written on the hotel paper. He opened it quickly, ripping the paper in his haste. It was from her.

"Philip,

The view from your suite was trulyextraordinary. I will never forget it.

Have a good life,

Holly"

There were no indications or clues as to where she was from or where she might have gone. She had simply vanished into thin air.


	2. The Crash

The phone rang the middle of the night, three months later. Holly picked up without opening her eyes.

"This better be good."

"Holly, is that you?"

Holly sat upright. Her eyes were now wide open. "Ed?"

How strange it was to hear her first husband's voice! It must have been ten years since they last spoke.

"God, I have been looking all over for you! Dietrich told me you where in Vienna, but when I called at your hotel there, they said that you had left for London."

"Yeah, I am in between places right now. Is there something wrong?"

Ed did not answer for a few seconds. "I have some bad news. It's Blake, I mean Chrissie. She has been in a car accident."

"What? Is she alright?" Holly asked, getting up and starting to dress mechanically. Why would Ed know the whereabouts of her daughter?

"Yes, she is out of the woods now, but I think you should come as soon as possible."

Holly almost dropped the phone. "You mean she is Springfield?"

"Yes. I will explain when you get here."

Holly hung up and started packing. Why on earth would her daughter be in Springfield? Why did Ed call her by her second name, Blake? There was no time to ponder over these questions, however. Holly headed out the door, hurrying to the one place she had vowed never to go back to.

* * *

The next day, she was sitting in the Bauer's living room, still filled with Christmas decorations, with Ed and his wife, Maureen, drinking a cup of strong coffee. She was jet-lagged and her mind was reeling from the story she had just heard from her daughter, who was still resting at the hospital with broken ribs and a concussion.

"So, we have to call her Blake now?" She asked for the third time.

As calm as she always remembered, Ed answered: "That is what she asked, yes."

"And she has lived in Springfield for months without telling you who she was?"

"I guess she did not want people to know that she was Roger Thorpe's daughter," suggested Maureen.

Holly sneered at the mention of Roger's name. She got up and started pacing across the room. "So she took a job at Spaulding Enterprises, and nobody knew who she was?"

"We only found out her true identity at the hospital, after her accident." Ed said.

Holly sighed. "And what about the people who were in the other car she crashed into? Are they going to be ok?"

"There was only one man, Alan-Michael Spaulding, Alan's son. He is in the hospital too, with a broken leg. He is going to be alright."

Ed seemed to hesitate for a few seconds. Holly could see him exchanging uncomfortable looks with Maureen.

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked, feeling scared once again.

"There was someone in the car with her, Phillip Spaulding. He is fine now but he was in a state of shock when they got him to the hospital. He kept repeating to me that Blake had crashed the car on purpose, that she wanted to kill them both. Maybe he was just talking crazy because of the trauma…I don't know."

Holly shuddered because somehow, she felt that there was a ring of truth to this last piece of information. She could not wait for Blake to get better so that they could leave it all this mess behind.

"I am not leaving. I have to talk to Phillip."

The conversation was taking place the next day in Blake's hospital room. Holly was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Relax, Honey. No one is going anywhere until you are better, but I doubt that Phillip will want to talk to you after what you did."

Blake opened her eyes very wide. Holly had pondered over the best way to broach the subject of the accident with her daughter, and had decided that brutal honesty was the simplest way to go.

"Phillip told Ed that you did this on purpose, to hurt yourself, and him. Is that true?"

Blake shook her head, as if to deny it, but the words died on her lips. Tears filled her eyes and spilled on her cheeks. "Oh, Mom! I love him so much! And he doesn't love me. I just could not bear the thought of being without him, I just could not!"

Holly sighed and took her daughter in her arms. She was always such a sensitive and reckless child, Holly recalled. A most dangerous combination. She had hoped that she would get more sensible as she grew up, but handling her first romantic setback seemed too much for her fragile heart.

It was time for some tough love. She took Blake by the shoulders and looked her right in the eyes, doing her best to keep stern.

"Blake, I know that you are hurting very much, but do you realize what you did? You could have died in that accident and you could have killed Phillip too. Do you realize how serious this is?"

Blake tried to break free of her mother's grip, in vain. "I know it's bad, I realize it now. But I was sure that he was falling in love with me; we had gotten so close in the last few months. When I finally made a move, he rejected me; he said he had feelings for someone else. When he told me that, something just snapped inside of me. It was just too much for me to handle I guess."

She wiped her tears and continued in a low voice. "I know that we ran into Phillip's brother's car. They told me that Alan-Michael was in the hospital too. I just wanted you to know that I did not crash into him on purpose. I was heading for a tree but then I totally lost control of the car and we ended crashing into him instead. I am very sorry about that, you have to believe me."

Holly got up, feeling somewhat relieved that her daughter seemed to understand the gravity of her actions. Therapy was still probably in order though.

"Let's just hope that the Spauldings do not decide to press charges against you, Blake." She walked toward the door and added before she left. "No boy is worth doing what you did, don't you forget it."

Blake replied in a low voice. "Phillip Spaulding is not a boy, he is a man, and he is worth everything."

But Holly was already gone and did not hear her daughter's last words.


	3. A Party for Alexandra

Being in Springfield feels so strange, Holly thought a few days later at the country club. Everything looked so familiar and yet so foreign.

When Ed had suggested that she accompany him and Maureen to the party thrown for Alexandra Spaulding's birthday, she had flatly refused at first. To show her face to this celebration after what her daughter had done was unthinkable. With Alan-Michael still in the hospital, it would be an insult to the whole family. After a few days, however, she realized that it would be the perfect opportunity to finally meet Phillip in a neutral setting and to see if he intended on sending her daughter to jail.

Now that she was there, however, she felt her misgivings return in full force. She looked around the crowded room, trying to spot familiar faces. Besides Ed and Alan Spaulding, she did not know anyone anymore. She got introduced to people such as Josh Lewis, Reva Shayne, Fletcher Reade, Frank Cooper, Vanessa Chamberlain and Lillian Raines, but she forgot the names as soon as she heard them. Besides, she had come to see Phillip, but to her dismay, she was told that he was not there.

"Holly!"

She turned, hoping to see someone she knew. Her smile disappeared when she saw Ross Marler standing in front of her. Oh, she knew that scumbag alright, she thought. Besides Roger, Ross was probably the man that she hated the most since he had defended her ex-husband against her during their rape trial. Who defends a man who forces himself on his wife, she wondered for the millionth time.

"If you want to know if I still hate you, Ross, the answer is yes, so you can be in your way, "she said, turning to leave.

Ross did not look surprised at her harsh words and took her by the arm, leading her into a quieter corner. "I know, Holly, and you have very good reason to. I though about that case a lot over the years, and I am so happy to finally have the chance to apologize. Please, just hear me out, will you?"

His eyes were pleading and he looked contrite. Realizing that he would not go away, Holly rolled her eyes and told him to make it quick.

* * *

Meanwhile, Phillip was still at his office, staring into space. He had just hung up with Jack, the private detective he had hired after his return from Italy. The news was bad, as usual, and Jack had started hinting that maybe it was time to set the matter to rest: the woman was not to be found. He had looked everywhere he could think of in Switzerland and Italy, but he simply had not enough to go on.

Phillip's mind wandered, once again, to the night when he had met Holly. Coming back to the States, he had figured that he would forget about her once he immersed himself back into his real life. He worked hard and he half-heartedly resumed his flirty relationship with Blake. In spite of all that, he could not seem to forget about Holly. In fact, the more time passed, the more he thought about her, so he had decided after a few weeks to end things with Blake before it got physical.

There was a moment, frozen in time that he particularly remembered about Holly. They had been standing side by side, looking at the Tevere. She had been so absorbed in the flowing waters that she had not noticed him staring at her. The moon lit up a side her face, sculpting her delicate cheekbones, leaving her lips in the shadows. Something had clicked inside him in that instant, he knew that he would always remember her.

He sighed. Life had a way of snatching away the people you care about, he thought. He then chided himself, not wanting to be ungrateful. After all, he had his family, his work and his friends.

He looked at his watch and realized that he was late for his aunt's party. "Damn," he said, grabbing his coat and heading for the elevator.

* * *

Back at Cedars, Blake stared gloomily at the television fixed on the wall, flicking trough the channels but never stopping long enough to actually watch something. She was about to throw the remote on the bed when she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," she said, thinking that the nurses working the night shift were definitely more polite than those from the day shift. She was taken aback to see Alan-Michael Spaulding clumsily entering the room, leaning heavily on crutches. He spotted a chair in the corner and collapsed onto it, clearly exhausted. His left leg and foot were in a cast up to his knee.

"Hey," was all he said for a while.

Blake eyed him discreetly. He was about her age, maybe a couple of years younger. He looked nothing like his older brother; although he was handsome in a dark-haired and brown-eyed kind of way. Whereas Phillip was confident and self-assured, Alan-Michael's charm was still playful.

She was the first one to break the silence. "I am sorry about your leg."

Alan-Michael laughed. "Yeah, I know I am not the one you wanted to hurt."

Blake reddened. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Have it your way. But know this: you're not the first girl who has gone crazy over Phillip. I have seen it before. He is not worth it."

"You don't seem to think too highly of your brother."

Alan-Michael scratched his leg as far as he could reach under his cast, as if gaining time before replying.

"Has he come to visit?"

Blake said nothing, embarrassed.

"I thought so. It doesn't mean that I think that he is a jerk, though. What I mean is, if he doesn't love you back, why bother?"

"That's easy for you to say! Have you ever been in love, really in love?"

"That's neither here nor there." He started to get up again, panting under the effort and evidently having a hard time managing his crutches. "It's called unrequited love for a reason, you know."

Before leaving, he added: "Do you mind if I come by again sometimes? It can get pretty boring in here."

"Whatever," Blake grumbled, still peeved about his remarks.

"I'll take that as a yes," Alan-Michael retorted with a wink and left.

"Know-it-all," Blake muttered under her breath. Still, she thought, it was nice to know that someone other than her mother would visit her the next day.

* * *

On his way to the party, Phillip started worrying about the other woman who had been occupying his thoughts: Blake.

That she would go to such lengths to draw his attention was scary. When he had first come back from Rome, he had felt guilty about not being able to return the feelings that she clearly had developed for him. He felt that he had led her on in a way, but he could not help that he had met somebody else.

Since the accident, however, he had mostly been astonished by her foolishness. She was a smart woman, and yet, she had tried to try to kill them both, not to mention almost amputating his brother in the process. Or did she? Maybe she was trying to scare him, or just to make him care. He could see even now that she was not a bad person, but he felt relieved that her mother had come back to town to take care of her.

He knew that Holly would be there tonight, so when he finally arrived at the country club, he decided to look for her and make sure that she was staying until Blake got better. Even better, she could take her back to Europe with her.

He went from the hall to the ballroom, trying to locate her among the crowd, even though he had no recollection of what she looked like. The last time he had seen her was more than ten years ago, and he was just a boy then. He concentrated, trying to remember anything about her, and that is when a tingling feeling started creeping up his spine. She was a redhead, he remembered that much now. And she had a rich, silky voice…he felt he could almost hear it.

He lifted his eyes, looking around one more time, and that is when he finally spotted her. Her back was turned and she seemed to be deeply engaged into conversation with his uncle Ross.

He started walking towards her and he felt the tingling sensation intensifying and reaching other parts of his body. Hard facts were now coming at him, slapping him in the face, as if to say: "Fool, why did you not realize this before?" First, her name was Holly. Second, she was a redhead. Third, she lived in Switzerland. Fourth, she had a grown up daughter. Even though he could not see her face yet, he knew that she was the woman that he had been looking for the past few months.

He called her name when he was just a few pace away. His voice came out all wrong, hoarse and croaky: "Holly."

She turned around and stepped back in surprise. He noticed that she looked pleased to see him. That is, until her smile died on her lips and a frown appeared on her face. He could see that she was struggling with the pieces of this particular puzzle, trying to make them fit together.

She heard someone calling out to him in the distance, and the pieces finally found their rightful places. She felt a heat wave moving up her body.

"What the f…"

She stopped but the last word roared inside her head. With a supreme effort, she fought to regain her composure, and asked:

"YOU are Phillip Spaulding?"

Phillip cleared his throat before answering. "Yes. And I gather you are Blake's mother?"

This was too much for Holly, who pushed past him and hurriedly left the room.

* * *

She took refuge in one of the bathrooms, the only place she knew she would not run into Phillip. She looked at the window, seriously considering jumping out and swimming all the way back to Europe. Why, oh, why had the government not invested more money on time-travelling research? She paced around the room then collapsed on the toilet seat, fanning herself with a hand towel.

There was no going around the fact that she had slept with her daughter's boyfriend. Or the man she was in love with, she corrected herself, as if it changed anything. And it had been wonderful, although it was best not to dwell too long on that part. Blake would kill her if she found out.

She could never find out, Holly decided. That meant that she would have to talk to Philip.


	4. Don't You Want Me?

She didn't have to look for long; Philip was waiting for her right next to the ladies room's door.

"Not here," she said before he had a chance to talk. "We need to go somewhere private."

"Ok." He led her trough the patio and deep into the gardens. Both of them walked in silence, still overwhelmed by the fact that their paths had crossed again in such a way.

They finally reached the big oak in the heart of the gardens and sat on the bench circling the massive trunk.

"Phillip…"

"Wait, let me look at you first," he said. He had been dreaming about this moment for months. She was still as beautiful as he remembered, maybe even more. "This is unbelievable," he finally said.

Holly buried her face in her hands and moaned. "This is hell, you mean."

He gently nudged her, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Aren't you at least a little bit glad to see me again?"

She raised her head and glanced at him sideways. "Under these circumstances, not really."

"Well, I am. I've been thinking about you every day for the last few months, and I have moved heaven and earth trying to find you."

Holly almost had to refrain from wincing at his words. She wanted to tell him how much she had thought about him too, and how she had found it impossible to get rid of the memories of his hands on her body. Instead, she just shook her head. "Please don't say these things to me. We have no right to talk like that anymore."

"Oh come on, you're talking as if we did this horrible thing, like we killed someone. We made love! What's so awful about that?"

Holly scoffed, getting up. "We had sex. Amazing sex, I'll grant you that, but still, love had no part in what happened that night."

Phillip got up too and took her by the shoulders, forcing him to face him. "Don't you get all cynical on me, Holly. Something special happened in Italy, I felt it and you felt it too!"

She struggled to free herself of his hold, taking a few steps away from him. "It doesn't matter. I'm Blake's mother, and she must never know that we slept together. Never."

Phillip raised his hands in frustration. "You mean that you'll pass this opportunity because of that stupid crush of hers? I don't love her, never have."

"And maybe that's my doing. If you hadn't met me, maybe you would have fallen in love with her eventually. You two did date, didn't you?"

"A couple of times, but it never got serious. And that's beside the point, because I did meet you, and from that moment on I never stopped thinking about you," he added, reaching from her hands. She tried to push him away but he was too quick for her. Before she could stop him, he took her in his arms and held her tightly.

"Why are you fighting this?"

"It would kill her, Phillip. She's so fragile."

"Listen, Holly, I know that she's your daughter and that you love her, but don't be fooled. Blake is not that delicate; she's as ruthless as they come."

She tried to wiggle free but he wouldn't let her go. "I think I know my own daughter," she exclaimed, outraged.

"She's also Roger Thorpe's daughter. And you haven't spent that much time with her recently. I have and let me tell you this: if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't hesitate to go after a man that you liked."

"Oh, please, that is absurd! Besides, I am the mother; I'm supposed to be the reasonable one."

Phillip finally let go of her, starting to feel defeated. "What are you saying, exactly?"

Holly sighed. "I'm saying she must never know about us, and that we mustn't see each other again. At least, not as…lovers."

"You can't mean that."

"I've never been more serious in my life. I'll be leaving anyway, as soon as Blake agrees to come back to Europe with me."

She took a few steps towards the Country club, and then turned toward him. "It never would have worked out anyway."

"Don't walk out on me. I'll change your mind, I will!"

She looked at him softly. "Oh Phillip, you're so, so very young. Much too young for my own good. You'll get over this in no time, you'll see." She turned and walked hurriedly away.

Phillip stood still for a while, stunned. Her perfume still lingered in the night air and for a second, he tried to kid himself that she would come back and that she had not just thrown his love back in his face.

Then he collapsed on the bench, sighing. Who was he trying to fool? Phillip Spaulding had just been flatly rejected.


	5. Tradegy Strikes

Weeks passed and Holly still found herself in Springfield, caring for her daughter. She spent her days at the hospital with Blake, who was soon physically well enough to be released. Not wanting her to be alone, Holly insisted that she take her room at Ed's, while she herself would stay at her tiny daughter's apartment. As welcoming as Ed and Maureen had been to her, she felt that, as the ex-wife, she had overstayed her welcome and that it was time for her to move out. She also knew that Maureen wouldn't let Blake out of her sight, so it seemed like the perfect arrangement for everyone involved.

That is, except for Blake, who longed for freedom.

"Frankly, Mother, this is ridiculous."

They were both standing in freshly fallen snow in Ed's driveway, unpacking Blake's suitcases from Holly's rented car. "I don't need baby sitters; I can perfectly manage by myself."

Holly blew a strand of hair from her face and grabbed another bag. "I wish you wouldn't see it that way, honey. I just want you to be able to rest until you're completely recovered. You won't have to lift a finger here; Maureen is going to cook for you and keep you company."

"And she's ok with that?"

"She's the one that suggested it," Holly replied, knowing full well that Maureen also wanted her out of the way.

"What about you, why aren't you staying?" Blake asked suspiciously.

"Well, I don't want to be a burden," Holly said evasively, "but I'll come and see you every day."

Blake made a face and shut the trunk with unnecessary force. "I bet you will. I bet you'll check up on me to make sure that I don't go anywhere near Phillip!"

Holly started walking toward the front door, trying to hide her sudden embarrassment. "I'm not your jailer, Blake. I just don't want you to get hurt again." She rang the bell and they both waited side by side.

"Did you hear from him?" she asked after a while, curiosity getting the best of her. She hadn't herself since that night at the Country club, and she suddenly wondered if Phillip had changed his mind about her daughter after all. If such was the case, she decided on the spot that she would do everything in her power not to stand in their way, no matter what her personal feelings were.

"No, he hasn't called or anything," Blake finally admitted grudgingly. "But he might, now that I'm out of the hospital," she added with renewed hope.

At that moment, a car honked behind them and Alan-Michael appeared soon after, waving. Maureen then came to the door and ushered them all inside, urging Holly to stay for dinner.

While Maureen showed Blake her new room, Holly and Alan-Michael busied themselves in the kitchen, setting the table and waiting for their return.

"I always forget that you're a Bauer on your mother's side," Holly finally said when the awkward silence threatened to go on indefinitely. She had met him at the hospital during Blake's stay, and had been surprised to find him in her room several times, chatting and laughing with her daughter. One part of her was relieved that he had obviously forgiven Blake for injuring him, but the other part couldn't help but wonder if this new friendship was not just another ploy from her daughter to get closer to Phillip. Alan-Michael looked like a fine young man, but Holly would feel more at ease if her Blake stayed away from the Spauldings from now on.

Alan-Michael smiled warm-heartedly, which made Holly like him in spite of herself.

"Yeah, Uncle Ed is the best. I really like to spent time here, and now that Blake moved in, I guess I'll come even more often."

Holly cursed inwardly, putting the last fork down on the table. "I didn't know that you and Blake had become such fast friends."

Alan-Michael laughed. "I'll admit that at first, I wasn't her biggest fan. But then we got to talk, and she's really terrific. I really like you daughter, Ms. Lindsey."

Holly plastered a fake smile on her face and took a long sip of red wine. "Great!"

* * *

Meanwhile, a little farther down the street, in Spaulding's mansion, Phillip was lying on his bed, feeling dejected. He had just gotten off the phone with Rick Bauer, and the conversation had not gone well.

Ever since Meredith, Rick's fiancée, had revealed that the baby she was carrying was actually Phillip's, Rick had refused to speak to his best friend, despite Phillip's numerous attempts to patch things up.

"I'm mean, they were on a break!" he cried out to no one in particular. "I didn't try to steal her away from him, and he should know by now that Meredith and I have no feelings for one another. It was just a mistake, a huge, stupid mistake!"

The fact that Rick had forgiven Meredith also stroke him as particularly unfair. After all, she was as much to blame as he was, wasn't she? However, Rick didn't see it that way and his last words still rang in Phillip's ears.

"Meredith loves me, but it doesn't look like you do. Actually, it looks like you don't give a damn about my feelings. All these years, you've always gotten what you wanted: Mindy, Beth and half the women in Springfield! You just took and took and took, regardless of the consequences and of who got hurt in the process. I've always been a good and loyal friend to you, Phillip, but this time you've gone too far."

Phillip took his pillow and threw it off the bed. For the first time in his life, he felt ashamed. He hadn't meant to hurt his friend, but he still had no excuse for his conduct. His mind turned to Holly, which did nothing but deepened his embarrassment. She was right; he was not a man, he was nothing but a silly, immature boy.

He got up and went to his closet, picking out his tuxedo. He stared at it for a while, lost in his thoughts. He would show them both. He would show them that he could grow up and be a man that could be trusted. Starting tonight, he vowed while he put his jacket on.

* * *

Ed pushed his empty plate away from him, sighing with contentment.

"There's nothing like a night at home with one's family," he said.

Maureen got up, picking up the dishes, quickly imitated by Alan-Michael. "Oh come on, guys, what's the rush? We don't have to clear everything right away!" Ed said.

Maureen dumped a pot in the dishwasher. "Actually, we do. I want to go out tonight!"

"What? I thought we were going to spend the evening here, with everyone!"

"Please, Ed! We hardly ever go out anymore. I want to dress up and have a drink somewhere. Besides, I think we should all go out, to celebrate Blake's release from the hospital. What do you think guys?"

Ed shrugged, out of excuses, while Alan-Michael and Blake nodded enthusiastically. Holly stared at them, wondering once again about her daughter's motives. Did she really just want to spent time with a friend, or was she hoping to bump into his brother? She decided that she was better off not knowing, and, furthermore, she would not try to control her daughter's life again. She had nearly lost her once, and that was enough.

"Sounds like a great idea, but if you don't mind, I'll sit this one out," she said. "I'm tired and besides, Blake doesn't need her mother to tag along," she said with a smile.

"Don't be silly, Mom, I want you to come!"

They all got up and the men left to go change. Maureen waited to make sure that Ed was really out of earshot and turned to Holly. "Please, do come with us, Holly. Ed is being honored tonight at the Country club by the hospital's board, and it's a surprise! All of his friends are going to be there."

Holly nodded, taken aback but touched that Maureen's insistence. "Alright, then. I'll go change and I'll meet you there." She hurried out of the room, trying not to think about who was likely to attend.

* * *

The ceremony had just ended and the evening was now in full swing. The ballroom was jammed packed with couples dancing and people mingling. Holly crossed the room, nodding to Vanessa Chamberlain and her father, Henry. She started to recognize and be recognized by most of Ed's friends and acquaintances, she realized with mixed feelings. She was getting too comfortable in Springfield for her own good; yet she still couldn't bear the place. She would have to try to convince her daughter to leave as soon as possible.

Or maybe I could leave without her, she thought as she saw her daughter chatting with Ed, who was still beaming from the unexpected honor that had just been bestowed upon him. She truly looked better and it was nice for her to be surrounded by so many people that she loved. Maybe Ed and Maureen would be able to keep her out of mischief.

Or maybe not, she thought as she saw her daughter's face light up. She didn't have to turn around to know that Phillip had just entered the room.

She looked down at her midnight blue silk dress and her bare shoulders, hoping in spite of herself that he would find her beautiful. Then she shook her head, chiding herself for her foolishness, and resolutely walked away before he had a chance to reach them.

Phillip, however, had no intention of coming their way. Instead, she saw him walk up to Rick and Meredith and trying to speak to his friend, but without success. Rick walked out on him and clearly motioned him not to follow, while Meredith shook her head, looking helpless. Holly was wondering what this little scene was all about when she was accosted by Ross Marler.

"Holly, I was hoping to run into you tonight. You look lovely."

She nodded, silently acknowledging the compliment. She had heard nothing but praise for this man since she'd been back in Springfield, but she was still having a hard time getting over his role in her rape trial, fifteen years ago. Nonetheless, she tried to remain civil for Ed's sake, who she knew was very close to Ross.

"You were hoping to see me?" she inquired.

"Actually, yes. I wanted to discuss business with you."

"Business?" she thought, getting curious. Then her heart sank. He was going to represent the Spauldings against her daughter, for attempted murder or worse. "If you're here to get information out of me, then I don't think that we have anything to discuss," she stated coldly.

Ross looked completely nonplussed. "What?" he asked. When she didn't answer, he shrugged and resumed. "I want to talk to you about WSPR, our local TV station."

"What about it?" She replied, taken aback.

"Spaulding is looking to sell it, and I'm interested in buying. I think that it could be a very profitable investment."

Holly nodded. "I heard it's doing well."

"The problem is that I can't buy it alone. More importantly, I don't have the time to run a television station, and I wouldn't know how anyway."

Holly stared, waiting for him to get to the point.

Ross smiled and gave her a hopeful look. "How would you feel about owning half a television station?"

"Really, Ross, be serious." Holly scoffed, starting to walk away. Ross rushed after her.

"Just hear me out, ok?" Holly sighed and picked up a champagne flute from a table nearby.

"Fine."

"I know that you don't like me, and I totally understand why. However, I'm sure that with time, we could learn to get along, and that maybe I might even earn your respect. Ed has told me what you've done for your ex-husband's radio stations. He says that you're really good at broadcasting. He also told me that you were looking to invest some of the money that you got from your divorce settlement."

"Obviously, Ed should also learn to shut it once in a while."

"Oh, don't be mad at him, he's only trying to help two of his friends. He really thinks that it would be a good opportunity for both of us."

"That may be, except for a tiny detail."

"Which is?"

"I'm leaving town. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go and find my daughter."

She left before he had a chance to please his case any further. She then proceeded to look for Blake amongst the crowd, but to no avail. She noticed that Alan-Michael was also nowhere to be found. She put her glass of champagne, still full, on the bar and headed for the coat check, thinking about Ross' business proposition. Half-owner a television station, her? That was the craziest idea she had heard in years. It was also the most interesting, to be honest. She shook her head, pushing the thought aside. She was going back to Europe, so there was no point in dwelling on it.

She was about to leave when she heard a commotion in the ballroom. The crowd parted and Meredith appeared, doubled up in pain and supported by Rick and Ed. Holly looked down and gasped in horror at the sight of blood spilling on the floor. Father and son sat Meredith on a chair and swiftly elevated her legs.

"The ambulance will be right here," Ed said, holding the young woman's hand.

"It's going to be ok," Rick added in a cracked voice, wiping a tear away from her face.

Soon after, the paramedics rushed in and took the three of them away, leaving only a trail of wailing sirens in their wake. People were just starting to scatter when Phillip erupted in the lobby, looking around frantically.

"Where are they?" he shouted, looking about to lose it.

Holly walked up to him and put a hand on his arm. "They went to the hospital."

He looked at her with crazy eyes, and for a minute she wondered if he even recognized her. "I have to go. My baby…" he managed to utter before breaking down.

Holly's eyes widened. No wonder Rick looked enraged. She grabbed Phillip's hand and pulled him gently toward the exit. "Come, I'll take you there."


	6. Phillip's Kingdom

Phillip and Holly burst into the hospital entrance and went straight to Lillian Raines, who was standing at the front desk. Holly could immediately see from the tragic look on her face that it was already too late. Phillip, on the other hand, didn't seem to grasp the situation yet.

When he saw Ed emerge from the surgery room, he rushed to his side. "Where are they? How's Meredith? How's the baby?"

Ed breathed in deeply, his professionalism taking over. However he felt about Phillip at this point, he was still a doctor who had to tell a father that his baby would not come into the world after all. He took him by the shoulder and led him to a nearby chair.

"Let's sit down. Meredith is going to be ok." He looked into Phillip's eyes. "But the baby didn't make it. I'm sorry."

Phillip bowed his head and started to cry silently. Ed and Holly looked at each other; words were useless at a time like this.

"Can I see her?" Phillip asked after a while.

"Not now, she's still out of it. Maybe tomorrow, if she wants to see you. "

A door swung in the background and Rick came in, his eyes ravaged by grief. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Phillip; conflicting emotions rising in his face. They both looked at each other before Rick turned around and hurried out of the room.

Holly, who had stayed out of everyone's way, decided that there was no point in being there any longer. She bent over Phillip's shoulder and told him in a low voice that she could give him a ride home if he was ready to leave. He ran his hands through his hair and got up, then followed her without a word.

* * *

Holly was relieved to see lights at the Spaulding mansion. She would have hated to leave Phillip there knowing that he would have to face the night alone.

She pulled in next to the entrance and kept the car running. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Promise me that you'll take care of yourself tonight, Phillip."

Phillip reached for the key and stopped the car. "Please don't go. I need to talk to someone tonight or I'll go crazy."

Holly shook her head. "I don't know that it's a good idea, Phillip. Isn't Alan or your aunt there?"

Phillip shrugged. "My father is on a business trip, and Aunt Alex is at the cabin for the weekend. Even so, there are some things that you can't discuss with family."

Holly hesitated for a few more seconds then consented to get out of the car. What harm could come of it, she thought as she tried to reassure herself. Seducing her was obviously the farthest thing from his mind and it would be cruel of her to leave him in a time like this.

They were let in by the butler. Holly expected to go into the living room or the library, but Phillip took the stairs instead. He turned around when he realized that she wasn't following. "Don't worry; we're not going to my room."

Something in his voice told her that he was telling the truth, so she followed him up several flights of stairs which led to a small door. On the other side was the attic, or Phillip's own private kingdom.

* * *

It would have been pitch black if the moon hadn't been shining faintly trough a tiny window on the far side of the room. Phillip asked Holly to wait by the door and disappeared in the half-light. She heard him fumble trough the obscurity until he reappeared minutes later with a small oil lamp, the soft glow of which defined the contours of his face.

Holly was now able to see that the attic was a spacious room, if somewhat cluttered by antique furniture and toys, as well as piles of old clothes and books. It was like stepping into another era. Phillip led her to the middle of the room, where a cozy living room of sorts had been laid out. A plush velvet sofa faced two antique leather armchairs, an oriental rug spreading under their feet. Phillip put down the oil lamp on a gilded coffee table and invited Holly to sit beside him on the sofa.

"Did you do all this?" she asked, looking around.

"Yes, and I even cleared another space to make an office," he replied, raising the oil lamp so that she could see an old chiselled desk, littered with books and papers, in the distance.

"It's my writer's desk. I haven't used it for a while, to be quite honest," he added wistfully.

"I didn't know that you were a writer! I always pictured you as the corporate type. Why did you stop?"

Phillip let out a mirthless laugh. "Who knows why we stop doing things? I just made a mess of everything."

"Sometimes things don't turn out the way you thought they would, it doesn't necessarily mean that you messed up."

"See for yourself! A few years ago, I thought I had everything figured out. I was going to marry my high school sweetheart, my first love, and we were going to settle down and have a zillion kids, and I was going to be a writer. Instead, I started working at Spaulding and got my best friend's fiancée pregnant. And now there won't even be a baby after all," he bitterly concluded.

"Whatever happened to that sweetheart of yours?"

Phillip stared straight ahead and replied in a flat tone. "Her name was Beth. She was killed in an accident a couple of years ago."

"I'm so sorry."

"Everybody loved her. She was the best; smart, beautiful, loving and gentle. And she was strong too, even though she didn't have the easiest of childhoods. Her stepfather was a controlling jerk; he raped her when she was still in high school," Phillip added, anger creeping up his face.

Holly's eyes clouded. "I see."

"And just when we were finally going to be happy together, she died. It just seems like such a waste. Here I am, the rich spoiled kid, safe and sound, while she didn't even live to see 25."

"Life is rarely fair, Phillip. Sometimes, things just happen in a certain way. It's not your fault that she died and that you live."

They both pondered over life's cruel twists of fate for a few moments, and then Phillip snapped back to reality. "What about you? Did your life turn out the way you expected?"

Holly let out a little laugh. "God, no!"

She seemed so tickled by the idea that Phillip smiled in spite of himself for the first time of the evening.

"There was a time when I, too, thought that I knew everything that I needed to know about life. I was very young then, and I had just fallen in love for the first time. Boy, was I crazy about him! I would have done anything for this man, in fact I nearly did. He was the first man I ever made love with."

"So, what happened to him?"

"He died."

"You don't look sorry."

Holly sighed and started pacing back and forth on the rug. "It's complicated. This man wasn't like Beth. He had an unhappy childhood, and he never dealt with it the way your girlfriend did. He was very unstable and insecure. I'm not sure he ever really loved me; I think that for him it was more about control and ownership than love."

"This man that you're referring to, is he Roger Thorpe?"

Holly turned toward him, a sad smile on her face. "Blake's father, yes. I guess you heard all about it then."

"Actually, not that much. I was very young back then."

"I'll spare you the sordid details. Suffice it to say that I got fed up of all the heartache after a while, and I ended up marrying Ed. Only it seemed like Roger and I couldn't let go of each other, and we began having an affair. I became pregnant with Blake soon after, and my marriage ended."

"Weren't you married to Roger at some point?"

"Yes, right after that. I thought that we could be a family. I think he wanted that too, only it couldn't work out between us. He became very violent..." her voice trailed off and she swallowed with difficulty. "The day that I decided to leave him, he came home and beat me up, and then he raped me."

Phillip grabbed her hand and squeezed it, speechless. Holly took a deep breath and went on. "That was only the beginning of a very ugly and public battle between us, until he kidnapped Chrissy, I mean Blake, and me. Ed and his brother Mike chased after us and that's when Roger died."

"He fell off a cliff, didn't he?"

"A befitting ending for the villain, people said at the time. Only it's never really all black and white, is it? Roger is the man that I've hated the most, but also the one that I've loved the most. I guess that means he had some good in him after all."

Phillip looked at her. He had always pictured her as this self-assured and sophisticated woman, and so he was surprised to find this vulnerable and scarred person underneath. It made her more real and endearing to him.

"So, you see, you're not the only one who screwed up and made bad choices," Holly added more lightly after a few seconds. "I hurt a lot of people back then because I didn't know what I wanted, even Roger, but especially Ed. The only good thing that came out of this whole mess is Blake, even though most of the time we just want to throw rocks at each other. She's pretty passionate, like her father."

"I'd say you're passionate yourself."

"Is that so? I never saw myself that way. I guess you're right though, it does take two to tango."

Phillip was about to reply when they heard voices coming from below.

"I thought you said we were alone," Holly said, feeling ill-at-ease.

"It's probably the servants making their last round before closing down the house. I'll have to let you out myself later."

* * *

"I just wish he could forgive me," Blake said, sitting in Alan-Michael's room, one floor below the attic.

Alan-Michael gazed at her and decided to be frank. "Are you sure that's all that you want from him? Forgiveness?"

Blake looked embarrassed by the question. "If you're asking if I still have feelings for him, the answer is yes."

Alan-Michael sighed inwardly. If only he could convince her of how better off she could be with someone else!

"But I had a lot of time to think in the last few weeks, and I realize now that nothing is ever going to happen between us. It was hard for me to accept it, but I finally did. I wish him well, I really do, and I hope that someday he might wish me the same.

"I don't think that he hates you, but you did scare him pretty badly with that car accident. You can't blame him for being wary of you now."

Blake buried her face in her hands. "You're right, I know! I don't know what came over me that night, it's like I just lost it for a minute."

"I'm glad that you realize it."

"Intensive therapy tends to make you realize things," she said sarcastically, but smiling nonetheless. "I just want to get on with my life now. "

"Does this mean that you'll be going back to Europe with your mother?"

"Oh, no. My life is here now, and besides, I need my space. I just have to find a new job, because obviously Spaulding Enterprises is out of the question, and I also need to convince people that I'm not a total lunatic!"

"I don't think that you're crazy," Alan-Michael said. The truth was that he always had more or less of a crush on her, even though she plainly preferred his older brother. He even suspected that, before the accident, she barely would have been able to recognize him in the street. Maybe his luck was about to change now that she had decided to stick around.

"I know. You've a real friend to me, it's much more than I deserve." Blake replied.

I don't want to be friends, he almost shouted, but checked himself. He would take his time, but in the end, he would get the girl. The Spaulding men always did.

* * *

Back in the attic, Holly looked at her watch. It was getting late and she thought that she had better leave or else she would fall asleep on the couch. Phillip caught her movement and stood up, picking the oil lamp.

"Are you going to be ok for the rest of the night?" she asked.

"I'll be alright."

They went downstairs in silence. In the hall, she stopped and put a hand on his arm, as if to give him strength, then grabbed the doorknob to leave.

"Wait."

She faced him, her heart rate accelerating. Don't kiss me, please don't try to kiss me, she begged silently.

"You asked me a few weeks ago not to pursue you, and as you can see, I honored your wishes. I just want you to know that it wasn't easy for me. I haven't felt like this about a woman in a very long time. But I will keep my promise and leave you alone, because I see that it's the right thing to do, with Blake and all that."

Holly only nodded. Phillip laughed nervously and went on. "I'm not used to doing the right thing, unless I feel like it, so this is all new to me. The thing is, earlier tonight, I promised myself that I would try harder from now on to be a good man. I'm tired of hurting people because I'm being selfish. I owe it to Rick to do better, to Beth, to this child that won't come into the world, and to you, too."

"You won't regret it in the end," she said, before leaving precipitously.

It wasn't before she was sitting safely in her car that she exhaled again. She grabbed the wheel and slowly banged her head against it. "Damn you, Phillip!" She couldn't decide which she found more irresistible: the bad boy or the good man he had promised to become.


	7. A Meeting at Company

Holly was up early the next morning. Thoughts of Phillip had prevented her from sleeping soundly. After downing two cups of black coffee, she headed to Company, where she and Blake had agreed to meet for breakfast.

The place was packed and so she decided to sit at the bar until her daughter would arrive. Still lost in her thoughts, it took her some time before she realized that Rick Bauer was sitting right next to her. His eyes were rimmed with dark circles; apparently she had not been the only one plagued with insomnia.

"Hello, Rick."

He jumped then turned toward her, with a forced smile. "Holly! Hi."

She put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "I bet you don't feel like chitchatting this morning. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Meredith's baby." Although Rick had been living with his mother when Holly had been married to Ed, she had always like the boy, and to see him in such obvious pain grieved her.

To her surprise, though, she discovered that Rick felt talkative. "Yeah, Meredith's baby, as in not MY baby. Did you know that Phillip was the father?"

Holly nodded silently.

"Everyone knows, I guess. I loved that baby though, as if it was my own. I wish I could be relieved that it's gone, but I'm not. It's not that simple, is it?"

He picked up a paper napkin on the bar and started to rip it into tiny pieces.

"How's Meredith?" Holly said, starting on her third coffee.

"I just came back from the hospital. She's heartbroken of course, but there was nothing to be done to prevent this. The foetus had a congenital malformation, it wasn't viable."

"So it wasn't, ah, stress that caused the miscarriage?"

Rick laughed derisively. "It didn't help, but no, that wasn't the cause. I bet old Phillip is beating himself up over this right as we speak!"

"You're still mad at him, aren't you?"

Rick pushed the shredded napkin away with the back of his hand. "Oh yeah. He's responsible for this whole mess."

"Don't think that Meredith had a part to play too?"

"Of course, she did. She betrayed me and it's taken a toll on our relationship. This was supposed to be the most wonderful time of our life. We hit rough patches before but we were finally back on track. We were about to get married, and to top it off she got pregnant with what I thought was my baby. When she confessed that she'd had a one night stand with Phillip, my first impulse was to dump her and run. Then I found that I couldn't. I love her, and I know that despite what she did, she loves me and not Phillip."

"So, what now?"

"Now, we're going to going to try and pick up the pieces. It's too early to make any decisions yet, but she asked this morning if I'd be willing to move. It might help us to start fresh, away from the memories.

"And away from Phillip."

"Yeah, that too." He was about to add something when they were interrupted by Blake, who had just arrived. Rick got up to give her his seat. She was about to protest when he said: "I was waiting for Mindy Lewis, and I see that she just came in." He turned to Holly. "Good talking to you. Hopefully I'll run into you again before you leave."

"So, you're still bent on going back to Europe, aren't you?"

Holly was surprised to detect annoyance in her daughter's voice. Until now, she had been convinced that Blake would be thrilled to see her go. There definitely was a change going on within her; maybe she finally was growing up.

"That's still the plan, yes. Should I gather that you'll definitely be staying here?"

Blake spotted people leaving a table and quickly went for it. She waited until her mother was seated beside her to answer. "Yes, I'm staying. I'll be fine."

Holly patted her on the cheek. "I know." She lifted her head and suddenly saw Ross in front of their table, his hands on the back of an empty chair.

"Ladies, would you mind if I joined you?"

Before Holly could refuse, Blake said: "Of course, Ross, please sit."

He put down his attaché case by the table, opened it and put out several documents on the table, all of which sported the logo of WSPR. "Seriously, Ross? I thought I had made myself clear: I'm not interested," Holly said.

Ross smiled innocently: "You can't blame me for trying one last time!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Blake asked.

"I want your mother to help me buy WSPR and manage the station. Now, Holly, if you would just take a look at their last figures and at the annual report-"

"Ross, I said no," Holly replied curtly.

"Mom, are you crazy? This is a golden opportunity!" Blake exclaimed, grabbing the annual report and perusing it. "Oh, Mom! This is like your dream job! How could you possibly turn it down?"

Ross beamed at Blake, an unforeseen ally. Holly snatched the report away from her daughter and deadpanned: "Thanks for the support, sweetie."

"But think about it! I could come and work with you in public relations! This would be perfect for both of us!"

"Yes, Blake, sounds like a great idea!" Ross chimed in.

Holly looked at her daughter and a wave of guilt washed over her. If she only knew why I want to leave so desperately, she'd be the one packing my suitcases, she thought. On the other hand, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to help Blake settled down into a new job. She could always find a new manager later and leave then.

She sighed and smiled. "I'll think about it."

Ross and Blake cheered and clank their cups of coffee against one another. Holly rolled her eyes and laughed. "I haven't said "yes" yet."

Her smile died on her lips when she saw Phillip enter the restaurant. His eyes were red and he looked exhausted. Their eyes met briefly and she could see the subtlest flicker of acknowledgement before he looked away. Holly immediately turned to her daughter, who was trying valiantly to hide her embarrassment. Phillip then nodded at Mindy and, seeing that Rick ignored him, went to sit at the bar, keeping an empty stool beside him.

Soon after, a young blond woman pushed the entrance door open and stood in the doorway, looking around shyly. Spotting Phillip, she made her way across the room to join him and tapped him lightly on his shoulder. He smiled in recognition and invited her to sit down, upon which they engaged in an animated conversation. Holly couldn't help but watch the whole incident and soon realized that she was not the only one. Blake was looking on with a definite look of pain and jealously, whereas Ross, Mindy and Rick stared in amazement.

Holly was spared the trouble of asking who the woman was when she was beat to it by Blake. Ross shook his head. "I don't have a clue. I wonder-but, no, it's probably my mind playing tricks on me!"

"What?" Holly asked, now dying to know.

"It's silly, but she reminds me of Beth Raines, Phillip's girlfriend."

"You mean the one who died?" Blake asked, fighting the urge to turn around and stare at the woman.

"Yes. Not that she's a dead ringer for her, far from it, but there is definitely something about her…"

"You're not the only one thinking so." Holly said, looking around the room, where several people were also staring at Phillip and his companion. More troubled than she would let on, she picked up her purse and excused herself, pretending that she needed some fresh air.

She crossed the room, carefully avoiding Phillip's gaze, which she could feel on the back of her head, and went out to the porch. Another young woman was already seated on the wooden bench by the door, looking intently at some documents and making notes. When she saw Holly, she smiled and cleared a space beside her so that she could sit.

"Don't mind me, I have so many things to do, I have to work through my lunch hour!"

Holly noticed the logo on the top left corner of the chart the woman was holding and held her breath; it was WSPR. "That's a shame. Is there a problem at your workplace?"

"Not really, but we're severely understaffed these days. We don't even have a manager; which is why it's been so crazy lately."

Holly smiled. "So you like your work?"

The woman beamed. "I love it; it's a lot of fun! Working in a TV station has been my dream since I was a little girl. Someday, I'll even produce my own shows, you mark my words."

"I'm sure of it." She got up and extended her hand to the woman. "I'd better get back inside. It was nice meeting you. I'm Holly Lindsey. We might meet again."

The woman looked puzzled by her last words but still shook her hand good-humouredly. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Gilly Grant."

A note about Phillip and Holly's age difference. Establishing the age of a soap opera character can be tricky, since the writers very often revised their age to make them older. According to , Phillip's date of birth has gone from 1969 to 1961, whereas Holly's birth date has passed from 1952 to 1945. So I decided that their age difference would be 16 years.


	8. Working With Ross

Once she had taken her decision to buy WSPR, Holly lost no time in getting ready for her presentation to Spaulding. She and Ross spent the next few days practically barricaded in Ross's office, eating take-out from morning to night and going over every detail of their proposal.

"Well, I think this is it", Ross said the night before their meeting with Spaulding, while he skimmed trough their document one last time.

"I think so too!" Holly said, getting up and stretching.

"Tired much?"

"I'm exhausted, but it was worth it. I didn't realize before now how much I missed working." She took a long sip of coffee, and then made a face when she discovered that it was cold. She put the cup down and turned to Ross. "And you were right; I think we're making a very good team."

Ross smiled and nodded in agreement. "Do you feel ready for tomorrow's pitch?"

"I'm a bit nervous, but it does help that I've met Alan before. After all the times he's helped Roger with his dirty business, I figure he owes me one and he knows it."

Ross looked embarrassed, as always when she mentioned her ex-husband. She briefly wondered if he would ever forgive himself for the role he had played in her rape trial. To her surprise, she had realized in the last few days that she was now able to look at him without thinking about it.

Ross picked up a balled up napkin and threw it in the waste basket. "I guess it could have helped indeed, but Alan is in Europe for a business trip."

"Isn't he back yet?"

"Nope."

"So who are we going to meet with tomorrow?" Holly asked, suspecting the answer already.

"Well, since Alex is on a cruise, it will have to be Phillip. You do know him, right?"

Holly blushed and looked away. "A little."

"It might be easier for you to deal with someone you don't have a history with." Ross said, oblivious to her trouble.

Holly had a flashback of Phillip slowing undoing her hair in his hotel room. She coughed to hide her embarrassment. "I'm sure it will go swimmingly," she finally managed to say.

* * *

They met again the next morning in front of Phillip's office; Ross had been right in surmising that he would be the one to take care of the matter.

Phillip greeted them with total ease; it was obvious that he had had time to brace himself to the idea of seeing her again.

He invited them to sit and introduced them to the only other person in the room; the young blond woman that Holly had first seen in Company a few days before. She was as demure as Holly remembered, and, now that she could get a better look, also very pretty.

"I'd like you to meet Catherine Dawson. Catherine is part of our executive training program, so she'll be here as a witness. I hope you don't mind." Phillip said.

"Of course not, nice to meet you," Holly said to Catherine, wondering why such a shy person would willingly choose to get into the corporate world. She hoped for Catherine's sake that she was tougher than she looked.

Ross shook Catherine's hand. "You seem awfully familiar. Have we met before?"

Before Catherine could answer, Phillip replied: "Catherine is Beth's cousin, from her father's side."

Holly's gaze briefly met his and they both looked away, while Ross beamed at Catherine. "I hope Springfield is treating you well?"

"I just settled in; I'm staying with my aunt Lillian for now. Phillip has been nice enough to show me around town a little."

She looked at the young man, clearly grateful that he would take the time to make her feel welcomed. After a short silence, they all went down to business.

It took them over an hour to get over the proposal; and what Holly saw of Phillip allowed her to ascertain what she had heard about him as a businessman. He was tough and focused, but also fair-play. She appreciated the fact that he was able to deal with her on a professional level, without letting his judgment being clouded by their personal history.

He finally snapped the document shut and got up, extending his hand to Ross and then to her. "The board is meeting tonight and will vote on your offer."

"What will be your recommendation?" Ross asked,

"I don't want you guys to get your hopes up. But keep a bottle of champagne in the fridge, just in case," Phillip replied as he stared into Holly's eyes.

* * *

Once they were out of the building, Ross and Holly high-fived and promised to call each other as soon as one of them had news, then went their separate ways. Still elated over the meeting, Holly decided that she would spend the day looking at apartments. If the deal went trough, she would definitely need her own place. She bought a stack of newspapers and headed to Company.

The morning crowd had left for work and she almost had the place to herself. She ordered a tall coffee and went to sit by the window.

She had already circled a few ads that looked promising when she was accosted by a blond woman who looked familiar.

"Do you mind if I join you?" the woman asked with a smile.

"Why not? It's Reva, isn't it?" Holly asked, inviting her to sit down.

"Yes, and you're Holly. I remember meeting you at the last Spaulding party. I heard quite a lot about you since then," she added with her husky voice.

"I heard a lot about you too," Holly replied.

"I'm sure of it!" They both laughed and Reva took a look at the newspapers spread in front of Holly. She shook her head in satisfaction, as if she was confirming something.

"I hope you won't find me too forward. The reason I came over to your table is that I heard that you might be staying in town and I thought that you might be looking for a place to live. I just moved in with my future husband, Josh Lewis, so I'd like to sell my house. It's not very large but it's near the river and it's very dear to me. I'd like to sell it to someone who's going to take good care of it. I'm sure you would."

"Who told you that I would be staying? I didn't even think about it myself until last week."

"You'll find that news travel fast in this town, or maybe you already know, since you're from here. I met Ross the other day at the country club and he intimated as such."

Holly only nodded in reply, half-amused and half-annoyed by Ross' supreme confidence in his ability to convince her to stay in town. He did turn out to be right after all.

"I won't know for sure before tomorrow, but I promise that your house will be the first that I visit if I do stay."

She came back well after dinner that night to Blake's apartment, and found a single message on her machine. Phillip's warm voice suddenly filled the room.

"Hello Holly, this is Phillip. I just wanted to let you know that Spaulding has decided to accept your offer, so let me be the first to congratulate the new co-owner of WSPR!" There was a short silence before he resumed. "I would've invited you and Ross to celebrate, but you're not there, so maybe some other time. Or maybe it's better this way. Ok, I'm rambling now, so, goodnight."

Holly shouted out loud in victory. She didn't no until now how much she had wanted to get that station. She looked at her watch, dying to share the news, but realized that it was too late to call anyone. She nonetheless picked up the receiver, thinking about Phillip, and then forced herself to put it back down.

She sat on her empty bed with a sigh, thinking that it could get pretty lonely when you chose to do the honourable thing.

"Oh Blake, you sure owe me one!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a hotel room across town, Blake was lying peacefully in bed. It was so nice to spend the night into a man's arms again, she thought as she gazed into Alan-Michael's face. He smiled and pulled her closer to him, and they were soon asleep.


	9. Under The Pouring Rain

Holly was surprised to how quickly and well she adjusted to her new life in Springfield. She had been afraid that memories would come back and haunt her, but the truth was that she was far too busy to dwell on her previous life. For the first few weeks, she pulled long hours at the station so that she barely saw anyone but Blake, whom she had hired as promised, Ross and her new colleagues: Gilly Grant, Nadine Cooper, Chelsea Reardon and Johnny Bauer. New programming ideas were flying in all directions, and she happily went from brainstorming meetings to the more tedious clerical tasks. Her job was too new and satisfying for her to complain about anything.

When she finally managed to leave work, often well past midnight, she dragged herself to her new place to unpack and to make herself a home. She had kept good on her promise to Reva to visit her house first, and it had been love at first sight. The place was small but cozy and warm, and right next to the river. She could picture herself happy there, she thought once again one night as she was sitting on the floor, chewing on a cold slice of pizza. She had been able to escape from work earlier than usual. She looked around at the empty fireplace and the bare walls; the empty room seemed to scream to be furnished. She would have to go shop the next day; she couldn't put it off any longer, she decided.

She got up and was about to go to the kitchen to throw out her pizza box when the phone rang. She looked at her watch, wondering who could be calling her; she hadn't giving out her number yet.

"Hello?"

"Holly! I was hoping you'd be there!"

"Ross? How did you get this number?"

"You gave it at work."

Right. She'd completely forgotten about that. "Is there an emergency?"

She could hear him laugh at the other end of the line. "No, everything is fine. It's not always about work, Holly. In fact, I just ran into Johnny and the rest of the gang at the Towers, and we'd really like it if you could join us for a drink."

Holly looked down at her faded jeans and her old T-shirt, both sporting spots of paint. Her hair was a mess. "Tonight?"

"You can show up tomorrow but we might not be there. Yes, tonight!"

"Oh, Ross, I don't know, I have so much stuff to do at my place."

"It would be good for team building. Besides, you have to go out more."

"Fine," she finally said, sighing. "Give me an hour."

* * *

She came into the club exactly an hour later, her auburn curls bouncing on her shoulders and her short black sequined dress shining. She nodded at several familiar faces and was soon joined by Ross, who led her to their table. As could be expected, the conversation immediately turned to work, and it was not until half an hour later that Holly finally took the time to look around the room.

The first thing that she laid eyes upon made her dunk her head back in her drink. A few feet away from her table was Phillip, leading Catherine Dawson on the dance floor. She was all smiles as he put his arms tightly around her waist and as they both started to move to the slow rhythm of the dance.

Holly glanced at them sideways, and felt tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. Pull yourself together, she silently ordered herself, amazed at her own reaction. She had not seen Phillip since their meeting at Spaulding and was surprised to see how much it affected her. True, she had thought about him every day since then, but she had been sincerely convinced that this silly infatuation of hers would eventually go away, especially with the demands of her new job. How wrong she had been, she had to admit as she watched the couple once again.

Gilly caught her glance but mistook it for mere curiosity. "They make a good-looking couple, don't they?" she said.

Holly swallowed the lump in her throat before asking: "Are they? Dating, I mean."

"Well, I'm not sure, but I've seen them together a lot about town recently. Catherine is a lovely girl."

"Yes, just lovely," Holly managed to say.

Catherine had been mandated to oversee the transition between the old and the new owners of the station, which had allowed Holly to get to know her better. She had discovered a capable and pleasant girl, if somewhat a little bland for her taste. However, she could see how well she suited Phillip; she was young, smart, physically attractive and obviously completely in love with him. The perfect wife for the young executive that he was, she reflected, trying to banish any bitterness from her heart. After all, she was the one who had pushed him away.

She excused herself from the table and wandered out of the room, on the terrace overlooking the city. She went straight to the bannister and rested her hands on top of it, trying to regain her composure. Dark clouds were gathering over Springfield, and the air was heavy with the promise of rain. "This suits my mood," she mumbled derisively. She was so absorbed by her thoughts that it took her several minutes to hear the faint noises coming from the other end of the terrace. She turned around and peered in the darkness, only to discover a couple embracing and passionately kissing each other. She was about to tiptoe back inside to give them some privacy when the woman briefly pulled back from the embrace, allowing the light to fall on her face. Holly gasped as she recognized her daughter, then Alan-Michael.

"Blake!" she cried in utter amazement, dropping her purse on the floor. The couple broke apart immediately and stood up sheepishly, like two naughty children being caught in the act.

"Mom…" Blake started, but Holly shut her up with a sign of her hand. "I don't want to hear it." Anger was swelling inside of her like a storm, with a degree of intensity that she could barely understand. What was it to her if her daughter had decided to move on already? She should be glad. Only she wasn't; far from it. All she could think of was that here she was, pinning after a man that she had pushed away, for the sake of a selfish brat who was already rolling in the hay with his brother!

Afraid that she would say something that she would later regret, she turned on her heels with the intention of heading back inside when she was stopped short by the sight of Phillip, standing by the patio door. He was staring at his brother, arms dangling by his side and shock spread all over his face. Holly walked passed him without a word.

* * *

Once inside, she went in search of Ross to tell him that she was leaving, but decided against it when she saw him in a deep conversation with Catherine and Gilly. She rushed to the elevator and was waiting impatiently for it to arrive when Phillip came up to her, panting.

"You forgot this," he said, handing her purse back to her.

"Oh! I didn't even notice that I'd dropped it."

"Yeah, well, there was something more captivating going on." They both stared at each other for a few seconds, as images of Blake and Alan-Michael flashed before their eyes.

"You're leaving?" Phillip finally asked.

"Yes, I have a headache. It's a good thing that you found my purse, though, or I wouldn't have had any money for the cab ride," she replied, leaning against the wall.

"I'll drive you."

She shook her head. "It's not necessary. Besides, aren't you here with somebody?"

Phillip looked back into the room. "Catherine, yes, but we each came with our car. Wait here; I'll go let her know that I'm leaving."

Before Holly could protest, Phillip had disappeared back into the crowd. She turned around and punched the elevator button a couple of times, willing it to get there before Phillip did, but the young man reappeared seconds before the doors opened. He gave her a knowing look and ushered her inside, whispering in her left ear: "I know what you're up to. You won't get rid of me so easily this time."

* * *

They rode down the elevator silently and got into Phillip's car in the parking garage. Rain started to fall as they exited the building, first lightly, then more heavily. After few minutes, Phillip turned on the windshield wipers and glanced at Holly. "So, are we going to talk about what just happened?"

Holly sighed and looked at the drops of water running down the side window. "What is there to talk about?"

Even though she didn't see his face, she could hear him gasp. "What do you mean? This changes everything! Surely Blake can't mind that we're together if she's with my brother!"

"If Blake has decided to make a fool of herself, it doesn't mean that I have to do the same," she replied in a tired voice.

Phillip looked at her, nonplussed. "I don't understand." When Holly didn't answer, he slowed down and parked on the side on the road. They were still halfway to Holly's house, in the stretch of road crossing the woods near the river. The only sound that could be heard was the rain thumping loudly on the roof of the car.

"I don't understand," Phillip repeated after a while.

Holly sharply turned toward him, getting angry again. "Don't you, really? Don't you understand that people will think me crazy for throwing myself at man almost half my age? A man that my daughter has loved desperately enough to want to kill herself over?"

"I'd say she's the crazy one, not you! Besides, who cares what other people think?"

"I care!"

She could read disappointment in Phillip's eyes and it fuelled her rage. How dare her judge her?

"You don't strike me as the kind of woman who bothers about what the good people of Springfield might think of her. Is that the real reason why you don't want us to be together? Or are you just afraid to live?" He asked in a cold voice.

At that moment, something snapped inside of her and she knew that she had to get out of the car immediately or else she would scream. She unfastened her seat belt and got out, slamming the door behind her. She took off her stilettos and started walking, soon soaked by the pouring rain.

She didn't turn around when she heard the other door slam shut, neither when Phillip called her name. It wasn't before he had reached her and yanked her right arm around that she turned toward him, her face like a mask.

"You can't walk away from me, Holly, I won't let you! I promised that I would do the right thing, and I did. And now the right thing is for us to be together!"

"No, it's not. Haven't you heard a word that I've said?"

"Those are just empty excuses, because you're scared." She shook her head but he didn't let her interrupt. "Oh yes, you're scared of I don't know what." He scoffed. "Your daughter might be crazy, but at least she has the guts to go after what she wants."

Holly's hand flew from her side, slapping him so hard that he took a few steps back. He rubbed his cheek for a second, and a wolfish grin slowly damned on his lips. "So, this is how it's going to be, huh?"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her roughly toward him, then forced her mouth open with his.

* * *

His kiss threatened to make her head spin out of control, and she viciously kicked him in the chins in an attempt to free herself. He stumbled back a few paces and yelped in pain, then cursed loudly. She was about to walk back to the car when she made the mistake of looking his way.

He was leaning on his thighs, trying to catch his breath, his hair dripping with rain. His wet shirt clung to his chest. Before she knew what she was doing, she walked back and grabbed him the collar, this time initiating the kiss.

They stumbled blindly back to the car, never letting go of each other's mouth; then Phillip lifted her on the hood, still kissing her. Holly finally broke the embrace so that she could strip him of his jacket and run her hands on his back, while Phillip unbuttoned the front of her dress, brushing his lips down her throat and between her breasts. Soon things became so heated that Phillip pulled away, intending to bring Holly back into the car.

Before he was able to, however, she grabbed him by the belt, looked him in the eyes and whispered: "Where do you think you're going?" Then she took one of his hands and guided it between her thighs and under her dress. She lifted her hips as he slid her panties down her legs and shoved them in his pocket, and helped him unfastened his belt with trembling hands.

He circled her waist with one of his arms and brought her hips against his; and in what seemed to Holly an excruciatingly slow motion, finally penetrated her. She wrapped her legs around his lower back and let herself fall down on the hood, her wet curls falling away from her shoulders and finally surrendered to him. Phillip rested his hands on both side of her body for a split second, taking in the sight of her lying in front of him, and then started moving inside of her. She arched her back, moaning, and he soon couldn't stand her to be so far from him, so he pulled her up and fastened her body against his with both his arms. His thrusts became deeper as their pulse quickened and their breath became more ragged. She was the first to climax, biting his shoulder and digging her fingers into his back. This was enough to send him over the edge, his cry of pleasure muffled by the heavy pouring rain.

* * *

An important message of public interest: unprotected sex sounds pretty hot in a story, but it's not. Don't do it at home, young people!


	10. Blake's Timing

"Here is your tea," Holly said to Phillip as she handed him a large and fuming cup. She wrapped her robe more tightly about her and lied next to him on the rug, the only piece of furniture that Reva had left behind. They had gotten to the house half-an-hour before and had both stripped out of their wet clothes. Phillip had then built a fire which was now shedding a warm light on the living room. Outside, rain was still coming down hard.

Phillip warmed his hands on the cup before putting it down next to him and pulling Holly under the thick blanket. She snuggled against him and ran her hand on his naked chest.

"I hope we don't catch the flu from staying out there in the rain," she said, resting her head against his shoulder, smiling.

"I wouldn't care if I got pneumonia; it was more than worth it."

They both stared at the fire for a while, visions of their encounter floating in their minds. After a few minutes, Phillip started stroking her back. "You can't deny that we're good together, Holly."

"I'm not."

"Then, for the last time, why won't you be with me? Make me understand! It's like there are two Holly: the one who gave herself to me on the top of my car, of all places, and then you, with all these serious notions about what's wrong and what's right!"

Holly sighed and pulled away to be able to look him in the eyes.

"I guess you're right, there are two Holly, but one of them I usually keep bottled up. When you accused me before of being afraid to live, you weren't far from the truth."

She put her head back on his chest and closed her eyes, while Phillip brushed his lips against her forehead.

"I used to be just like Blake when I was her age. I took what I wanted and I never cared about the consequences. I followed Roger to New York and seduced him when I was barely out of my teens, and then I tricked Ed into marrying me by getting him drunk in Vegas. I still can't believe I ever did that!"

Phillip could not help but laughing as he pictured the scene. "I was fearless," she added. "That is, until..." her voice trailed off.

"Until you married Roger?" Phillip asked.

"You see, I loved him with an all-consuming love. And then things went horribly wrong. It was like being burned in a fire; I thought I wouldn't make it out alive."

"But you did."

"Yes I did, but I'm badly scarred, Phillip. I am not sure I want to risk getting hurt like that again."

She heard him cursed under his breath as he sat back up, causing the blanket to slide off his shoulders. He then lifted her up and took her by the shoulders, gazing straight into her eyes. "Listen to me. I would never do the things that Roger did to you. Never!"

Holly dropped her eyes down, unable to meet his stare. Talking about the feelings and fears she had buried so deep was excruciating to her. Phillip lifted her chin with his right index and added: "Don't you know that I'm afraid too? I've already lost someone that was very dear to me, don't forget that. But is it worth living if you never open your heart again?"

"But what if I get hurt? What if, in a couple of years, you meet someone else, someone younger? Or what if…" Phillip silenced her with a kiss.

"There are a lot of things that could happen in the future, but this is here and now, and I want YOU. I can't promise you that I'll never hurt you, because this is not how life works, but the same goes for you. You have to be willing to take risks! Come on! What do you say?"

He leaned in and kissed her again, this time more urgently. He undid her robe and made it slip off her back, then covered her body with his. His lips trailed down her neck on to her breasts, his tongue teasing her skin, while his hands wandered down her back, pressing her against him and leaving her no doubt as to the intensity of his desire. "What do you say?" he asked for a second time, his hand tracing the curve of her hip before disappearing between her legs.

Holly inhaled sharply before gasping: "Yes!"

"I didn't hear you," Phillip replied teasingly in between kisses, his fingers gently finding their way into her, as if to lay a claim on her body.

She grabbed his shoulders and whispered in his ears: "Yes, I want you!" She was about to wrap her legs around his waist when there was a knock at the door.

They both sat up abruptly, looking at each other and trying not to make a sound.

"Mom! I know you're in there! I need to talk to you!"

* * *

Holly grabbed her head with both hands, trying to remain calm. She put her robe back on and frantically mouthed to Phillip to grab his clothes and to go hide in one of the bedrooms, while she took his cup and shoved it in the kitchen sink. Meanwhile, Blake kept pounding on the door, more and more loudly.

Holly said a silent prayer, took a deep breath and went to the door. "Really Blake? Couldn't this wait until morning?"

She opened the door to a very wet Blake, who had obviously been crying. A wave of pity ran into Holly's heart.

"No, I had to talk to you now. I can't let you think that I'm some sort of heartless bitch."

Holly ran a hand through her hair, already exhausted by the upcoming conversation. "I don't think that you're a bitch, honey."

"Yes, you do! I saw the look on your face when you saw Alan-Michael and me!"

She looked around for a place to sit down and her eyes rested on the blanket lying on the floor. Then she looked up at her mother, taking in her dishevelled hair and rosy cheeks. "Am I interrupting something?"

Just deny it and it will all be fine, Holly thought. "Don't be silly. I just fell asleep in front of the fire, that's all."

"Oh yeah? Some dream you must have had!" Blake replied teasingly, forgetting about a second about why she was there.

"Will you stop it?" Holly replied abruptly, trying to hide her nervousness.

Blake became earnest again and sat down on the floor, soon joined by her mother. "How long have you been seeing Alan-Michael?"

"We've been seeing a lot of each other since the hospital, you know that, but things became more serious about a week ago."

"So Phillip is out of the picture?"

"No, he's not. That's what I came here to tell you!"

Holly's heart tightened in her chest. The evening was turning into a nightmare. She forced herself to speak. "You still love him?"

"Of course, I do! Feelings like that just don't go away by snapping your fingers!"

"Or by sleeping with the guy's brother," Holly added, before she could hold in the sarcasm.

Blake got up and shook her head. "Have you ever heard of the term "rebound", Mom? People do that; even you. Does Ed Bauer ring a bell?"

"Christina," Holly said warningly, getting up herself.

"Fine, forget I said that. I just wished you wouldn't judge me. I'm just trying not to be so damn unhappy!"

Holly grabbed Blake's hand and squeezed it. "I know, sweetheart, but what about Alan-Michael's feelings?"

"I'm not playing with him, Mother, I swear. He knows where we stand and he says that he's fine with that."

"Is there any chance that it might turn into something more serious?"

"Maybe. I really like spending time with him, but…"

"But what?"

Blake walked back to the door before answering. "Do you think that Phillip is dating that Catherine Dawson?"

"I don't think so, honey."

"How can you be sure?"

"Call it a hunch."

This is hell, Holly reflected while Blake fumbled in her purse for her car keys. This is where I finally pay for all the lousy things that I ever did.

"I couldn't stand to see him with someone else, Mom." Blake opened the door and turned back to her mother one last time: "Are we okay?"

Holly shook her head and pulled her robe around her, shivering in the cold night air. "I guess we are."

* * *

Blake's car had just pulled out of the driveway when Phillip came out of the room, his damp clothes still in his hands. Holly could immediately see from the look on his face that he had heard every word of the conversation.

"Your daughter has lousy timing, did you know that? Good thing that I parked the car in the garage," he said dumping his clothes on the floor. He grabbed his head in frustration before adding: "God! What a mess!"

"She still loves you," was all that Holly could think of replying. The reality of what she had just heard was still sinking in.

"Please, tell me that it doesn't change what you told me before she came in here?" Phillip asked, wishing he could wring Blake's pretty little neck.

"I don't know," Holly answered, trying not to well up.

Phillip shook his head and put his clothes back on gravely, and then headed for the door. "You know what? I'm done with this. Call me if you ever figure it out."


	11. Confrontations

Phillip was literally fuming. He drove from Holly's to the mansion at full speed, and came to a screeching halt in the driveway. He was jogging up the stairs to his room when his eyes caught light coming from the library. He looked at his watch and wondered who could still be up at that hour.

Hoping he might have a chat with Alexandra to take his mind off his troubles, he walked into the room, only to find Blake and Alan-Michael sitting on the sofa. The sight of the couple made his blood boiling again.

"Well, I should have known that I'd find you here," he spat at Blake with all the disdain he could muster.

The young woman seemed to shrink from his words and bowed her head, while Alan-Michael got up. "Phillip, it's not what you think."

Phillip walked to the bar and poured himself a scotch. "Save it, Alan-Michael. I don't know what kind of garbage Blake has been feeding you, but I'm not buying it." He downed his drink and refilled his glass, and then he turned to Blake.

"Did you really think that it would work? That seeing you with my brother would make me jealous?"

Blake cleared her throat and seemed to regain some of her nerve. "I didn't exactly kiss him in the middle of the dance floor, did I? It wasn't my intention that you should find out."

A look of pain crossed Alan-Michael's eyes, but neither of the others saw it; they were too absorbed by their fight. Phillip crossed his arms and smirked.

"Let's say I believe you. How long did you think that you could keep this little affair a secret? Because I suppose that this is what I should call it? You two have been sleeping together?

The look on Blake's face told him that he had guessed correctly.

"What do you care if I'm seeing your brother? I'm not doing it to hurt you; I'm just trying to get on with my life!" Blake retorted. She was aware of how false her words sounded, yet for once in her life, she was actually telling the truth.

"I care because you are going to hurt him. In fact, you already did, remember? You almost killed him in an attempt to kill us both, because you couldn't bear the fact that I didn't love you. This was merely weeks ago, and you're asking me to believe that you have moved on?" Phillip shouted.

"I said I was trying to," Blake muttered. "Alan-Michael has been my only friend lately and…" her voice broke down and she started crying.

Alan-Michael stepped between the two and turned to his brother. "That's enough, Phillip. Please go," he said in a stern voice that Phillip almost did not recognize.

Phillip shook his head in disgust and walked to the door. Only with all his might was he able to refrain from telling Blake about his feelings for Holly. Before leaving he could not resist turning around and saying "You'll never know what you've cost me Blake. You're not half the woman you mother is." Then he slammed the door behind him.

Blake stood still for a while. What did her mother have to do with any of this?

* * *

He was almost undressed when he heard a tap on the door. He ignored it and went to the adjoining bathroom to wash up before going to bed. When he came back, Alan-Michael was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"I came to explain," the young man began.

Phillip sighed and sat beside his brother. They had not been raised together and sometimes he felt like he barely knew Alan-Michael. He could not deny, however, that he cared about him deeply.

"Please, do, because I cannot fathom why you chose to become involved with that woman."

Alan-Michael let out a little laugh. "I didn't plan on it, believe me."

"Then why?" He peered into his brother's face and the explanation slowly dawned on him. "You're in love with her."

Alan-Michael could not help but beam. "She's so amazing, Phillip! We're having the best time together!"

Phillip took his brother by the shoulders and stared right at him. "She's deluded, and she's completely unstable. That's what she is."

"I can't blame you for believing that about her. I, of all people, know that she's been through a rough patch, but I've been spending a lot of time with her lately, and you haven't. Yes, she blew it, but she's sorry and she's getting help. I can see her improving every day!"

"No offense, but I don't see how your affair can be called improvement. Don't you find it the littlest bit suspicious that she chose you for a lover?"

Alan-Michael ran his hands on his tired features. "Actually, I was the one who initiated the whole thing. I pursued her."

Phillip sat dumbstruck. He could not think of a reply.

"Listen," Alan-Michael added. "I know that you don't love her, but is it so hard to understand that I might see something in her that you don't?"

"Does she love you back?"

There was sadness in Alan-Michael's voice when he replied. "I think she still loves you."

Phillip felt a pang of guilt at his brother's words. "I'm sorry, bro. Maybe it's for the best if it doesn't work out though."

"I'm not ready to give up on her just yet, Phillip. That's also what I came here to tell you. I know that this is a difficult situation for all of us, but I really care about her and I have to see where this thing could go."

Phillip looked at his brother with mixed feelings. If Blake ever fell in love with Alan-Michael, then he might convince Holly to give in to her feelings as well. On the other hand, he could not quite believe that Blake was the right person for his brother.

"I won't stand in your way," he finally said. "I would appreciate however if you two could find other places to meet for the time being. I doubt that Alan and Alexandra will be too happy when they hear about this."

Alan-Michael nodded and they hugged briefly.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

His brother smiled. "I'm in love, Phillip. Haven't you done crazy things for the woman of your dreams?"

Once his brother was gone, Phillip turned off the lights and lay on top of the blankets. He wished he could call Rick and asked for his advice, but he knew that it was not an option anymore. His brother's words still resonated in his head. "Sometimes the woman of your dreams won't let you anywhere near her," he muttered gloomily before falling asleep.

* * *

It was with some difficulty that Holly dragged herself out of bed the next morning. She had not slept a wink. She briefly contemplated the idea of fixing breakfast, and then decided she was not up for the task.

She showered, dressed and put on as much make-up as she dared to hide the dark circles under her eyes, then she headed out for her first business meeting of the day.

Half-an-hour later, she was sitting at the Country club, waiting for a syndicator from the East coast she was hoping to strike a deal with. She was much too early for their appointment, so she decided that she had time to eat before he arrived. Perusing the menu, she didn't see a woman approaching her table.

"Do you mind if I join you," the woman asked in an alto voice. Startled, Holly looked up to discover Alexandra Spaulding standing next to her. She looked perfectly put together, as always, which made Holly feel even more bedraggled.

"Of course," she nevertheless replied. They sat for a few moments in an awkward silence. They had only met a few times since Holly had come back to town, and even though Alexandra had always been civil to her, Holly could not help but feel ashamed every time she crossed her path. After all, Alexandra had almost lost her two nephews because of her daughter's folly.

"I want to thank you for not pressing charges against Blake; I really appreciate it," she said.

"Yes, you said that the last time that we met. Believe me, it wasn't my decision," Alexandra replied with her usual curtness. She seemed to soften a little when she saw the hurt on Holly's face.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Holly, but surely you understand my position. In any case, whatever feelings I might have towards your daughter have nothing to do with you. I hope that you and I can have a good relationship."

"I hope that too," Holly replied. She wondered why Alexandra was really there. Surely becoming her friend was not on top of her priorities. Fortunately, Alexandra was about to enlighten her.

"I came to see you this morning because I have a proposition for you, Holly. I would like WSPR to collaborate with me on a little project that I'm planning."

Holly sighed in relief. Surely Alexandra was really past Blake's actions if she was eager to do business with her. She fleetingly wondered if she knew that her daughter had now moved on to her younger nephew, and hoped that the affair would end before she had a chance to find out.

"How can I help you?"

"I saw that you have started a series of documentaries about upcoming men and women in Springfield. I would like you to do one about Phillip, my nephew."

The coffee Holly was about to swallow burned down her throat as it went down the wrong pipe.

"Phillip?" she managed to reply. She frantically searched for arguments to oppose the project, in vain. It was a great idea and made perfect sense. Phillip was the most successful young business man in the State.

"It looks like a good idea," she answered prudently. "I would have to get back to you on this after speaking with the producer, however. I'm not sure if there are any episodes left."

"Well make one more then, I don't care how you manage it. I want Phillip to be occupied with something that will lift his spirits. He certainly needs it," Alexandra said gravely.

For a split second, Holly thought that Alexandra was aware of her affair with Phillip, but then she realized that she would have confronted her already had it been the case.

"Is there a problem with Phillip?" she finally asked.

"He's been so down for the last few weeks. Losing his baby and Rick's friendship has been very hard on him."

"Of course. And I guess that what happened with my daughter hasn't helped either."

Alexandra waved her comment dismissively. "Yes, but there is something else, something that he won't tell me."

Holly held her breath; she felt like disappearing under the table. A fond smile came over Alexandra's face as she appeared to get lost in her thoughts.

"Phillip is my nephew, but I love him as if he were my own son. It pains me to see him this sad."

"What do you suppose is the matter?"

"A woman, what else! Whenever he gets this low, you can bet that this is because he's having love troubles. Although I have to admit it rarely happens to him; women usually fall easily into his arms. In fact, I can only recall him being so dejected once, and it was when Beth had gotten involved with my son Lujack."

Conflicting emotions ran over her face and it was not without an effort that she emerged from her memories. Holly had heard that Alexandra's son had been killed a few years ago, and she felt her heart go to the woman facing her.

"I'll help you with the project," she promised before she could realize what she was saying.

"Thank you, Holly. I knew that I could count on you. This will do a world of good to Phillip."

"What will?" a male voice asked behind them.

They both turned to discover Ross standing next to their table. Alexandra filled him in on the project before taking her leave. Holly invited her partner to sit down but he declined, saying that he was there to meet with a client about a case. He looked grave and tired.

"You look unhappy. You don't mind that I said yes to Alexandra without asking you first, do you?" Holly inquired with a bad conscience.

Ross's face lit up. "Of course not! It's not in our interest to say no to Alexandra Spaulding, I'll tell you that. I'm just worried about my case, that's all."

"Well, good luck. I'm here myself to meet with the syndicator I told you about. Maybe I could fill you in about that later at the station?"

Ross shuffled with his documents and cleared his throat before replying. "Or what about we go over it over dinner? My place?"

"Oh, I'm sorry but I promised that I would meet with Nadine tonight for drinks. Oh, there's the syndicator coming our way."

She got up and went to meet her business date. She had totally missed the disappointment on Ross's face when she had turned his offer down.


	12. Moving On (Or Trying To)

On her way back to work, Holly was already regretting having agreed to do a profile on Phillip. What had she been thinking? If Phillip was miserable because of her rejection, which seemed more than probable after the way they had parted the night before, then spending time with her was the last thing that he needed. The same went for her; she really doubted she could handle working with him at that point.

Once at the station, she took the elevator up to her floor and went straight to her office. She closed the door and started pacing to and fro, searching for a way out. On one hand, she knew that going ahead would be playing with fire and might end up seriously hurting them both, not to mention Blake. On the other hand, the idea of being around him for a few days was almost irresistible. Although she did her best to deny it, she craved his presence, his smile, his energy. She wished that they could just sit side by side and that he could tell her about his life, like they had done in his attic a few weeks ago.

And most of all, she needed his touch. In all her life, she had only wanted a man with that much intensity before, and his body was now lying broken in a ravine in Santo Domingo. The thought of her ex-husband made her stop in her tracks and she gasped in shock.

That's who Phillip reminded her of in a way. Roger.

There was the same urgency about him, the same passion, and also a certain degree of selfishness. They were both used to getting what they wanted, and they took it without a thought for the consequences.

However, she could see that Phillip had none of the inner demons that tortured Roger. He had self-control. Those demons had been the death of her old love, but there might be a chance of happiness for Phillip after all. Just not with her, she thought resolutely.

She opened the door to her office and marched into the conference room where her crew was waiting for their daily meeting. She was going to nip this project in the bud if it was the last thing that she did. She arrived to find Ross, Chelsea, Johnny, Gilly and Nadine chatting animatedly.

"I've been filling in the team about Alexandra's request," Ross said as he handed her a cup of coffee.

Holly's spirits sank. "About that –"

Nadine interrupted her excitedly. "I know that you want to do a profile on him, but it would have been so much more fun to have him on the Love Bug! He is single, isn't he?"

They all burst into laughter at Nadine's idea until she rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Laugh all you want, but my show is the most-watched on this entire channel."

Gilly patted Nadine on the arm with a smile and turned to Holly. "This profile is a great idea, Holly! We should have thought about it ourselves. After all, Phillip is one of the most influential people in this town, and he's barely thirty."

"Still in his late twenties," Holly murmured dejectedly. "Are we sure that we want to do this?" she added in a last attempt to stop the project.

"Why not?" Johnny asked with a raised eyebrow. As the host of the show, he was already listing interview questions in his head.

Holly stammered. "Well, what if we blow it and turn the Spauldings against us?"

They all stared at her in surprise. She was usually the boldest of them all when it came to new show ideas, and they could not fathom why she was suddenly so worried when there was no reason to be.

"Are you okay, Holly?" Ross walked up to her, looking concerned.

She ran her hand over her eyes and smiled tiredly. She had given it a shot. "Don't mind me, I'm exhausted, that's all. Of course this is a great idea, and we will ace this profile!"

The team smiled in relief and Gilly let out a long whistle. "For a second there, I thought I would have to call him back to tell him that we had changed our mind."

For the second time that day, Holly choked on her coffee. "You mean he knows already?"

"Yes, I made an appointment with him for tomorrow. At first it looked like he was going to refuse, but then I think that his aunt convinced him to go with it. I could hear her coax him in the background," Gilly said with a laugh.

"Then I guess it's settled then."

"Is it going to be the same strategy as for the other profiles? A segment about his professional activities, one about his childhood and studies and one about his personal life?" Johnny inquired.

"I think the part about his personal life should be easy enough to sum up; he's single and intending to stay that way forever," Chelsea replied, not without a hint of acerbity. She had been engaged to Phillip at the beginning of the previous year, and the relationship had ended on a sour note when she had realized that he did not return her feelings.

"Does it bother you?" Johnny asked with a frown.

Chelsea took his hand and beamed at him. "Not anymore; not that I found you. I'm just stating the facts; Phillip will never forget about Beth, so I don't see what we else we could say but that."

Holly shuffled through her papers, pretending to take notes, while it seemed to her that an iron hand was gripping her heart. Even if she would want to overcome their age difference and the fact that her daughter was also in love with him, there was no way that she could fight a ghost. All the more reason to give up on him and move on, she thought for the hundredth time.

"We'll see about that part later," she said to put an end to the discussion. Gilly, we will do the preliminary meeting with him and Johnny together to define the content. Then I would ask you to take over the project as producer."

"What?" Gilly exclaimed, at once pleased and astonished. Holly had never granted her that many responsibilities before.

"Yes, are you sure, Holly?" Ross asked.

"I'll be supervising the whole thing closely, of course, but I think that Gilly is ready for this kind of project," Holly said in a definitive tone, thereby ending the meeting.

And I certainly need a break, she thought as she walked back to her office.

* * *

That night, she took a hot bath and went to sleep early. When she woke up the next morning, she felt that she could handle facing Phillip later that day. This was a business meeting, and she was going to be professional about it if it killed her, she thought as she put her severest suit on. She tied her hair in a tight bun but decided against the glasses, thinking that even in that case it would be overkill.

After looking at her reflection in the mirror for far too long, she realized with consternation that she was late and rushed out of the house. She arrived at her office a few minutes before the appointed time for the meeting, flushed and with locks of hair escaping her bun and flying in all directions. She was still attempting to tame them with a few hairpins when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," she sighed as she dropped the pins on her desk.

Phillip walked in, looking unsure. He then gave her a puzzled once over and a twinkle appeared in his eyes. "Nice suit," he said.

"I put it on especially for you," Holly deadpanned. They smiled at each other, relieved that the awkwardness was somewhat gone. Before they could say anything else, Johnny and Gilly joined them.

"Shall we start?" Holly said in what was now a business-like tone as she sat on the edge of the desk. Phillip and Gilly chose the sofa and Johnny took the chair facing Holly.

"Phillip, we'd like to thank you for agreeing to let us do a profile on you," Holly began.

"I think it's the other way around, I should be the one thanking you. I understand that my aunt was the instigator of this project," Phillip said with a smirk.

"She was very adamant that we should do it, yes! In any case, I'm convinced that it will be good visibility both for WSPR and Spaulding Enterprises. We know that you're a very busy man, so we will work as efficiently as we can. Based on the other profiles that we did earlier this year, we estimate that the whole thing should take you about five days. We will need to sit with you to define the content and the interview questions beforehand. This should take a full day, I would say. We also need you for three full days of filming, either at our studios, at your office or at your home. Finally, we'll need your approval on the first cut as well as the final cut, so let's add another day for that to be on the safe side."

Phillip clasped his hands on his knees. "I've freed my schedule for the day, so I'm ready to start on the content if you are. For the dates of the actual filming, I'll have to check with my secretary."

Gilly, who was taking notes, raised her head from her sheets. "I can get in touch with her directly if you prefer. I'll be handling all the logistics for the project, as producer," she said proudly.

Phillip barely managed to hide his surprise and turned to Holly. "I assumed that you would be in charge."

"I will oversee Gilly's work, but you'll be in very good hands, I can assure you," Holly said with a reassuring smile. And it will be best for both of us, she added with her eyes. Phillip clenched his jaw and looked away.

Johnny, oblivious to the undercurrent of tension between them, added. "And once we've settled the general content, we can get together for the specific questions. We usually devoted half of the time to your work, and we split the rest between your childhood and your personal life. Are you seeing anyone?" he asked bluntly. Since Chelsea's comment that morning, he was wondering if Phillip had really given up on the idea of a serious relationship.

A smile dawned on Phillip's face. "Not really."

"What do you mean, not really? What about that lovely blonde you've been taking around town lately?"

"Yes, Catherine Dawson?" Gilly added.

"We've been seeing a lot of each other, but we're colleagues, and friends." He looked like he wanted to add something but changed his mind and kept silent.

"Are you comfortable with the idea of broaching the subject of Beth Raines?" Johnny asked again, this time in a more gentle tone.

A cloud passed over Phillip's face and he decided to elude the question. "I think that my crazy relatives will provide more than enough content. Especially if we get into the subject of my adoption, which I hope you'll do. I love the Marlers and I think that they should be a part of this. Too bad Justin isn't in town," Phillip said, referring to his biological father.

"I think it's a great idea. Let's lay the general lines and then you and Johnny can continue this on your own," Holly said.

They started to brainstorm and after an hour had a fairly good idea of the work awaiting them. Once the meeting was over, Phillip waited until Gilly and Johnny had almost left the room to request five more minutes of Holly's time.

"In private, if you don't mind. Johnny, I'll meet with you at your desk in five minutes and we can continue this over lunch?"

Johnny nodded and closed the door behind him, leaving them alone. They gazed at each other for a few seconds before Phillip smiled sadly.

"Life has a way of making our paths cross over and over again."

"Oh, I think that we can pin this one on Alexandra. She said it would take your mind off things. If only she knew," Holly said with a wink.

"Do you mind very much?"

"We're adults, we can handle this. Besides, we won't have to work that closely together."

"Yes, you made sure of that," Phillip said.

Holly took a step back and raised her hands. "I think it's for the best. We both agreed that we can't possibly continue to see each other -"

"I never agreed to that! You decided for both of us," Phillip interrupted her.

Holly sighed. "There's no point in going over that again. I won't see you as long as Blake has feelings for you, and from the way she talks, I doubt that she'll ever get over you at all."

Phillip's shoulders sagged as he sat on the couch. "So you won't change your mind, even though she's seeing my brother?"

Holly shook her head, even though her heart was breaking. "I can't hurt her this way. Our relationship is fragile enough as it is. You have to move on. You'll find someone better in no time."

Phillip waved his hand as to say that he did not want to hear it. "I see that it's no use reasoning with you. I'll leave you alone." He got up and walked to the door, avoiding her gaze, while she fought back the tears. He was about to leave without a second glance when the door opened and Ross came in, almost bumping into his nephew.

"Phillip, hi!" Ross exclaimed jovially.

"Hi, Uncle Ross," Phillip retorted in a flat tone. He pushed past him and left to meet Johnny.

Ross followed him with his eyes for a few seconds, looking puzzled. "What's wrong with him? Didn't he like the project?"

"It's nothing. We were just talking about Blake, that's all," Holly said dismissively. "What can I do for you?"

Ross's grin broaden. "Do you have plans tonight?"

"Besides painting my bathroom, not really."

"Then how about we get that dinner I was offering you yesterday."

"Yes, why not?" Holly replied absent-mindedly. She was still going over her conversation with Phillip in her head.

"I was thinking that we could try that new French restaurant that opened just outside of town, La Ferme. What do you think?"

"Okay. Shall we ask the rest of the gang?"

Ross looked crestfallen but rallied his courage valiantly. "I was thinking that it might just be the two of us, actually." Something in his voice finally caught Holly's attention and she turned to face him.

"You mean like a date?" she asked, unable to hide her astonishment.

Ross reddened and almost made for the door. "I meant…Do you we have to put a label on it? Why don't we just go and see how it turns out? Unless you really don't want to," he stammered.

Holly was speechless for a few seconds. Ross was an attractive man and she certainly no longer hated him, but going on date with him seemed very strange to her. She smelled disaster. Then again, she had just tried to convince Phillip to move on with his life, maybe she should give the example.

"I can't promise anything, but I'm willing to give it a shot," she finally said to a beaming Ross.

"Great, I'll pick you up at seven!"

* * *

Hey guys, I would be very happy if you might take a few seconds to review this story. What do you think about the pairing of Holly and Phillip? Your input means a lot, thanks!


	13. It's Date Night in Springfield!

"This is farther out of town than I thought," Ross said as he opened the passenger door of his car for Holly.

Holly stood up and smoothed her skirt. "Yes, we're almost halfway to Clayton."

Looking around, she had to admit that Ross had chosen well for their first date. The owners of La Ferme had taken what used to be an abandoned old barn and transformed it into a first-rate French restaurant. The place was very remote and surrounded by woods and fields. Holly even noticed a small garden in the back with a pond. She pictured herself taking a stroll around it with Phillip.

"Shall we go in?" Ross asked her, taking her out of her reveries.

A hostess greeting them at the barn door and, after checking that they had made a reservation, led them to their table. The place was packed and the ambiance very festive. A huge chandelier was hanging from the barn's ceiling, shedding its scintillating lights everywhere, while candles were casting a softer glow from the tables. There were rich velvet tapestries hanging from the walls, separating the huge space into smaller and cozier sections, and the chairs were all gilded with cushions upholstered with black silk. The whole décor gave out a very romantic yet eclectic vibe, especially since the owners had chosen to keep a few souvenirs from the previous occupants. A collection of chiselled leather saddles was spread across the restaurant, as well as a few striking horse paintings.

Ross and Holly took their seats and remained speechless for a second. "Wow," Holly finally said.

"The Belle Époque meets the Wild West," Ross replied and they both started laughing.

Holly took hold of the menu and decided to relax. She was far from convinced that she should be on a date with Ross, but here she was, so she might as well try and enjoy it.

* * *

On the other side of the restaurant, another couple was just getting seated as well. Catherine had been the one insisting that Phillip should go out, and he had half-heartedly agreed. All he really wanted that night was to crawl into a hole and fall into obliviousness, but Catherine would have none of it. At least there was no chance of him running into Holly here, he thought as he sighed for the tenth time that evening.

Catherine could tell that he was out of sorts. For the last few weeks, he had not been the same man that she had met. He could be depressed and moody one day, and euphoric the next. She had often wanted to ask him what was causing these mood swings, but she had not dared yet, because she was afraid of the answer he might give her. She knew that the situation with Rick was bringing him down, but what could be bringing him up? Could it be another woman? And if yes, who?

As they both studied their menu, Phillip could feel Catherine's eyes on him from time to time. He knew that she was worried about it, and it made him feel embarrassed. He was not a fool, he knew that she had feelings for him, and he also knew that, while he had not openly encouraged her, he had not discouraged her either. The simple fact that he was here with her tonight could certainly be interpreted as interest on his part. He briefly glanced in her direction before getting his eyes back on the menu again. She was beautiful; he had to admit that, with her golden hair and her delicate features. Maybe he should pursue her, he thought. Maybe that's what life had in store for him: a peaceful but uneventful relationship with a gentle, caring woman.

Oh, he had longed for the real thing, and he had gone after it! With Beth, he had been convinced that total bliss was within his grasp, until she was brutally snatched away from him. For years after that, he had been believed that he would never find that same intensity of feelings again. And then he had met Holly. That encounter had hit it like a ton of bricks and had forced him to rethink everything that he knew about his ability to love again.

But she had also slipped right thought his fingers.

So, yes, maybe it was time to give up on his notions of true love and soul mates. Maybe it was time to settle for the next best thing.

* * *

What I am DOING here, Blake thought while she lingered at the entrance of the restaurant. She had known from the start that this was a mistake, and yet she had not been able to help herself. As soon as she had seen Phillip getting inside Catherine's car back in Springfield, she had felt this torturing desire to find out where they were going.

Now that she was standing in this old farm, in the middle of nowhere, she felt like a fool. What had she been expecting; that they were headed to work at this hour? Of course it was a date! She waited for the tears to come at the realization that he was seeing someone else, but to her surprise, they did not come. It hurt her, yes, but the feeling was not as devastating as she had expected.

Still perplexed, she decided that she had better leave before they noticed her, and was about to when her eyes caught sight of Alan-Michael. He ought to cheer her up, she thought as she hurried to his side with a smile. She stopped dead in her tracks, however, when she noticed with astonishment a raven-haired beauty clinging to his arm. Now unsure of what to do, she took a few steps back and hid behind one of the tapestries to observe the couple.

There was no mistaking the chemistry between the two, she realized as she witnessed Alan-Michael pulling the chair for his companion. How handsome he looked, with his suit and his hair done just the way she liked it. Blake suddenly felt a huge lump forming in her throat and before she knew it, she was running toward the exit, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

To her surprise, Holly was having a fine time. Ross was not only smart and well-read; he also had a deprecating sense of humour that she really enjoyed. Their conversation was smooth and flowing, and she realized that they had not talked about the station once.

No, she would be lying if she said that this date had turned out to be the failure she had anticipated. They had so much more in common than she had ever imagined, and most importantly, they were in the same place in their lives. They had been married and divorced, they had had children and they were now ready for the next phase of their lives. They even were the same age, Holly thought, firmly pushing Phillip away from her mind as the waiter took the empty plates off their table.

"The food was divine," she said with a smile.

"Yes, and I'm afraid I ate more than my share; what do you say we go for a walk in the gardens before leaving?" Ross replied.

She got up and she could feel his hand rest lightly on the small of her back as they made their way to the glass doors leading to the gardens. The feeling was pleasant enough, she decided. They had almost reached the exit when they heard a yell at the other end of the restaurant.

Holly's heart skipped a beat when she saw Phillip in the distance, trying to calm down a very drunk Rick.

"Well, you finally did it, Phillip," Rick shouted for the whole restaurant to hear. "You finally destroyed my life!" He stumbled and had to clutch at a nearby table not to fall flat on his face. Catherine was still seated at her table, crimson and on the verge of tears.

Holly strained her ears to listen to Phillip's reply, but he was speaking too low.

"What I mean," Rick replied loudly, "is that Meredith is gone. That's right, she bolted. We were supposed to start over together, away from here, but she left me here all alone!"

Rick waved away the waiter who had come to take his glass of wine out of his hands and continued to rant. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't slept with her. Yes, my friends," he said, turning to the stunned customers, "my best friend felt that he could screw my fiancée and get away with it! He even got her pregnant, doesn't that just take the cake!"

He let out a sinister laugh and took another swig, and then let the glass drop on the floor where it shattered. "I'm going to get you for this," he added with a cold look in his eyes, and he lunged toward Phillip. The latter easily avoided his fist and Rick came crashing on the floor.

The sound seemed to startle Ross, who had been standing next to Holly, mesmerized by the scene. "Will you excuse me for a minute, Holly? I have to stop them before it gets out of hand."

Holly nodded. Her whole being wanted to follow Ross and to take Phillip out of this place, but instead she forced herself to walk through the patio doors. The screams faded away as she slowly wandered into the gardens, trying to erase Phillip's pained expression from her mind. She was so deeply lost in her thoughts that she almost stumbled on Blake, who was sitting despondently on a stone bench. Her eyes were rimmed with red and she was sniffling.

"Honey! What are you doing here? I thought you were still busy moving back into your apartment," Holly said as she sat next to her daughter.

Blake had indeed taken a few days off work to move from Ed's to her old place, now that she was finally feeling good enough to live on her own. Holly had not seen her in almost a week, and had yet to let her know about WSPR's upcoming profile on Phillip.

Seeing that her daughter refused to answer her, Holly coaxed her into meeting her gaze. "Did you come to see Phillip?" she finally asked.

"You don't have to tell me how dumb it was, believe me, I know! I don't know what came over me," Blake replied, wiping a last tear from her face.

"And you saw him with Catherine," Holly stated.

"I did. I also saw Alan-Michael with some silly woman," Blake retorted with a new scorn in her voice. "He was on a date, can you believe it?"

Holly was slightly taken aback by her daughter's reaction. "Well, aren't you two friends? I thought you wanted nothing serious with him."

"I didn't, at least at first. I guess I'm just understanding now how close we've become, and how used to his presence I've gotten."

"So, let me get this straight, are you crying because of Alan-Michael, or because of Phillip?"

Blake shrugged. "I don't know anymore, both I guess. All I know is that I never expected to care if Alan-Michael saw someone else, and it turns out that I do care. A lot."

Holly ran a hand over Blake's shoulder in an attempt to console her. "Then it might be a good idea to be straight with him about your feelings. To deal with this in a mature way."

"You mean unlike I did with his brother?" Blake said while making a face.

"If the shoe fits…" Holly looked at her daughter knowingly and they both laughed.

"Thanks for not lecturing me, Mom, I appreciate it. You've really cut me some slack lately, and I feel that we get along so much better!"

"And I can see that you're really trying to stay out of trouble, which I also appreciate," Holly replied as she hugged her daughter.

"Speaking of you being great, there's something that I forgot to tell you. When I left your place a few nights ago, the night you first found out about Alan-Michael and me, I went back to the Spaulding mansion and ran into Phillip."

Holly swallowed hard. "You did?"

Blake did not notice the dismay that had come over her mother and continued. "Yes, and we got into a fight about the fact that I was involved with his brother. I never saw him this mad before. He said that I would never know what I had cost him, and that I was not half the woman that you were. Why would he say that? I thought you two barely knew each other."

Holly frantically searched her brains for a plausible answer. She hated to lie to her daughter, yet she had not sacrificed a chance at happiness with Phillip to confess everything now.

"We've met a few times but we won't know each other that well," she finally said in an attempt to elude the question.

"But he sounded so…earnest."

"I don't know, honey. We've had to deal with each other when Spaulding sold us WSPR, and maybe he respects me as a business woman. Most probably, he was just very mad and didn't know what he was saying anymore."

Blake seemed to deliberate for a second, then shrugged and let it go. "Anyway, he wants nothing to do with me, so why should I care what he thinks of me? He might not be the prince charming that I thought he was either. It's all just so confusing!"

"Take your time in figuring things out, alright? You've been through a lot lately, and it's going to take a while before you can see things clearly again."

Blake was about to reply when the glass doors burst open and Rick, Phillip and Catherine spilled out of the restaurant. Ross followed, trying to pacify a waiter who had obviously had it with the fighting. The waiter told Ross that the two were not allowed back inside and returned to his tables, looking annoyed.

Meanwhile, Phillip and Rick were still arguing and Holly could immediately see that Phillip was now as enraged as his friend.

"When will you stop blaming all of your problems on me, Rick? I guess it's easier than actually acknowledging your responsibilities, isn't it?" Phillip shouted.

"I wasn't the one who stole your fiancée away from you; it was you who did it to ME! And you did the same with Beth, I was with her first and you just couldn't stand it," Rick yelled, barely able to stand on his feet.

Phillip scoffed and poked him in the chest, forcing him to step back. "I didn't "steal" anyone from Rick. Beth came to me of her own free will, and so did Meredith."

"And that made it okay? Didn't it occur to you to just say no, knowing how I would feel about it?"

Phillip had the grace of looking embarrassed, but then quickly rallied with a retort. "Beth and I were in love, you know that. As for Meredith, yes, it was a mistake, but I honestly thought that you two were done by then. She told me as much."

"Shut up! I'm done with your stupid excuses!"

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I want to smash your pretty little face against a wall, that's why."

They both stood facing each other, panting with rage, while the others looked on silently.

"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Phillip said after a while, but Rick was past all reason. Losing Meredith and the baby had sent him over the edge, and he desperately needed an outlet for the pain.

"You made her lose that baby," he replied cruelly. They both knew that it was not true, yet it was all that it took for Phillip to finally lose it. His left hand balled into a fist and he punched Rick squarely in the jaw, and then threw himself on him. They both rolled in the snow, tearing each other's clothes and exchanging one vicious blow after the other. They were totally oblivious of Catherine's tearful entreaties for them to stop.

Holly ran to Ross. "We have to stop them before they really hurt each other."

"I know, but I can't do it alone. I'll go find someone inside." He turned for the door and almost bumped into Alan-Michael and his date. Seeing his brother and Rick on the ground, he rushed to their side and, with the help of Ross, succeeded in tearing them away from each other. Ross took Rick on a bench to assess the damages while Alan-Michael dragged Phillip to a gazebo nearby, where they were joined by Holly, Catherine, Blake and Alan-Michael's date. Phillip's bottom lip was cut and his right cheek was already swelling.

He waved away Catherine's attempts to quench the blood dripping from his mouth and stared at Holly. "What are you doing here?" he said, not even caring what Blake or Catherine would think.

"I came with Ross," Holly replied, trying to sound matter-of-factly.

"On a date? Seriously?" He looked intently at her face and knew that he had guessed right. He let out a mirthless laugh and got up, rubbing a sore spot on his left arm. "This night just keeps getting better and better. Boy!"

Holly felt herself blushing to the roots of her hair and gave a sideway glance toward her daughter. Fortunately for her, she seemed engrossed in a conversation with Alan-Michael. She followed Phillip until they were a few steps away from the others.

"I'm sorry about what happened between you and Rick. I know that you care about him very much."

Phillip shrugged. "I'm done feeling guilty about this guy. I'm glad we got it out of our system; now we can each go our own way."

"Surely you don't mean that; he's your best friend!"

"Not anymore." He turned to her at last and gave her a long mournful look. "I can't believe you're on a date with my uncle Ross," he said sadly.

"Looks like you're on a date too," Holly said.

"I'm trying to move on, just like you said I should."

"It's the only way."

She was prevented by saying more when Ross arrived, announcing that Rick's nose was broken and that he had to take him to the hospital. He had barely finished his sentence when Alan-Michael's date, who had been standing behind the others, ran to him and threw her arms around his neck.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed in delight.

"Dinah! Is that you?" He took a good look at his daughter before hugging her and making her twirl in the air. "What are you doing here?"

"I arrived from Paris yesterday for a surprise visit. This is my spring break. I tried to call you today but there was never any answer."

"So where did you stay last night? At the hotel?"

Dinah laugh and rubbed her hands with a thrilled look. "That's the other surprise. I promised I wouldn't tell, but she'll understand."

Rook looked puzzled. "Who will understand what?"

"Mother! She's back in town too since yesterday, for good! I've spent last night with her at Granddaddy's."

Ross stood speechless for a while, and Holly wondered how affected he was by the news. She knew that Ross had had a daughter when he was still a young man, and that the mother had giving her up for adoption, but he had never discussed his relationship with Vanessa with her. Holly had heard that she was now leaving in South America with her ex-husband Billy Lewis, but now that she thought of it, it was true that her visits to Springfield had been very frequent since Holly herself had been back in town.

Meanwhile, Ross had regained his ability to speak. "Vanessa is back to stay?"

"Yes, she's been planning it for a while, and now she's here! She'll be working at Spaulding."

"I thought I told you, Ross. It must have slipped my mind," Phillip added.

"Did she come back alone?" Ross could not help but inquire.

"With Little Billy," Dinah said, glancing at Holly. She surmised that her father was on a date and decided that she could fill her father in later about Vanessa's split with Billy. "Anyway, since you were nowhere to be found tonight, I decided to call my old buddy Alan-Michael and to spend some quality time with him. Why don't we meet tomorrow for lunch and plan the rest of our week together?"

Holly could practically hear Blake's sigh of relief at Dinah's words; she was no competition after all. She could see her daughter's smile widen as she accepted Alan-Michael and Dinah's invitation to spend the rest of the evening at their table.

Ignoring Phillip, she asked Ross if he was ready to leave with Rick and they both headed to get the young doctor to the hospital.

As she walked away, she felt Phillip's eyes on her, but resisted the urge to look back.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Ross pulled into Holly's driveway and stopped the car.

"And I was afraid that you might find our evening dull," he said before they both burst out laughing.

"I'm worried about those two boys though. I wish they would reconcile already," Ross added, growing serious.

Holly winced inwardly at his choice of words. Was Phillip really a still a boy to him? She decided to change the subject.

"You must be ecstatic that your daughter is back in town."

"Yes, I see her so very little these days. I hope that she'll come back to Springfield for good after she's done with college."

He fell silent and Holly guessed that he must be thinking about Vanessa's return. "Well, I'd better go in now. Thanks for the pleasant evening; I had a good time, despite all that happened," she said sincerely.

Ross did not seem disappointed that she was not inviting him in, but before she could head out of the car, he took a hold of one of her hands and pulled her into a kiss. Holly was too surprised to resist and she gradually let herself melt into it. There was no fireworks, no pounding heart, but Ross was a good kisser, and it was nice.

"Goodnight, Holly," he said as he pulled away.

"See you tomorrow at work," she replied before getting out of the car.


	14. At the Cabin

"What do you mean, you have a stomach flu?!" Holly almost yelled. It was early morning and she was still working up the courage to get out of bed when the phone had rang.

"I think it's pretty self-explanatory, Holly," Gilly replied. She sounded exhausted, which made Holly thaw a little.

"I'm sorry that I snapped at you. It's just that today is the last day of filming Phillip's profile, and I have no other producer at hand!"

"I know, but there is no way that I can get out of the house feeling like this. Why don't you go?"

Holly practically squirmed in her bed. The last thing that she should be doing right now was to spend time with Phillip. It had been a week already since her date with Ross at La Ferme, and she was only just easing into the idea of going out with him again. They had planned to meet for dinner at the Country Club that very night. Seeing Phillip today would only confuse her.

"I couldn't possibly tear myself away from the station for a whole day," she replied decisively.

"Ross could fill in for you in case of an emergency, surely?" Gilly suggested.

"Oh, I don't know."

Holly could hear Gilly sigh discreetly at the other end of the line before she replied.

"You're the boss, Holly, but if we postpone the filming, the station will lose thousands of dollars."

Holly only grunted non-committedly in reply, but she had to admit that Gilly had a point. There was no way that she could justify a postponement to Ross; too much money was involved. Meanwhile, Gilly kept lining up her arguments.

"And this is the last day of filming, so the crew knows exactly what to do. You'll only have to supervise, and you can call at the office from time to time to check in."

Holly resisted the urge to bang her head against the wall. "Alright, I'll go," she finally said. "Where is the filming taking place today?"

"At the Spaulding cabin up north. We thought that this location would be great for the part where Phillip opens up about his family and his personal life."

"Of course, you kept that part for last. Lucky me," Holly said sarcastically.

"What?" Gilly inquired, sounding confused.

"Never mind. I better get going if I want to be there on time. Get some rest, Gilly."

She hung up and grabbed her bathrobe. There were better be gallons of black coffee awaiting her there, or else, she thought has she slammed the door of the bathroom behind her.

* * *

It was more than an hour's drive to the cabin, which gave Holly some time to prepare herself to the day that lay ahead. As she neared the interstate border between Illinois and Wisconsin, she was surprised to discover that, whereas spring had almost arrived in Springfield, snow still lay like a thick blanket on the ground in these parts.

Glancing at the map spread out on the passenger seat, she turned left to a side road and continued until she passed a small yellow farm. Shortly after, she engaged her car into a private lane and into the woods. It took her almost another half-hour until she could finally pull her car into the cabin's empty driveway. She was the first one to arrive.

She got out of the car and inhaled deeply. The woods surrounding her were quiet and the chirping of the birds was muffled by the snow that had begun to fall gently. As she waited for the crew to arrive, she walked around, feeling the cold crisp air slowly penetrate under the light fabric of her coat. She was about to get back into her car when the station's van finally appeared at the end of the lane.

As soon as it was parked, a side door opened and Johnny Bauer, the cameramen, the sound engineer and the editor emerged, followed by the rest of the crew. The director came out last and immediately spotted Holly. He raised an eyebrow in surprise and walked up to her.

"Holly! What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Jeffrey. I'm filling in for Gilly; she's at home with stomach flu."

The short, sturdy man shook his head. "That's why I couldn't get her on the phone this morning. I called at least three times!"

Holly patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. "We'll do fine without her, don't worry. I'd like to go over the schedule with you before we start filming, though, just to refresh my memory."

"Of course, let's go in. Mr. Spaulding said he would be waiting for us here with breakfast."

Holly looked around, puzzled. "I don't see his car."

Jeffrey shrugged and pointed at the cabin's door, which stood wide open as the crew carried the equipment inside. "I don't know how he came, but he's here." Then, without waiting for her, he briskly went inside to give instructions to his crew.

Holly followed reluctantly; there was no turning back now.

As she had expected, the inside of the two-storied cabin was rustic yet had an air of luxury about it. In the living room, where the filming was to take place, she discovered long leather couches, bouncy-looking armchairs and a huge fireplace. Already, the crew had invaded the space and she had to thread carefully between the cameras, the spotlights and the cables scattered on the wooden floor. She spotted Phillip standing in the middle of the room in a deep discussion with Johnny, who was nodding as he took notes on a crumpled sheet of paper.

Phillip looked more laid back than usual, and Holly saw that he had traded his business suit for a pair of jeans and casual shirt. She looked down at her pant suit and suddenly felt overdressed. As if sensing her presence, Phillip finally turned in her direction and stared at her. He kept his expression neutral while she walked toward them.

"Hello, you two. I'll be the producer today; Gilly had to call in sick," she explained in what she hoped was a casual tone.

"Nothing serious, I hope?" Johnny asked.

"She'll be up and running in a few days."

"Good, I'll go grab some breakfast in the kitchen before we start," Johnny said before leaving them.

Phillip waited for him to be out of earshot before turning to Holly. A smile slowly dawned on his lips. "Well, isn't it funny how our paths keep crossing again and again?"

"Springfield is a small town; it's bound to happen often. We had better get used to it," Holly replied, unwilling to return his smile.

"Don't worry, Holly, I heard what you said at La Ferme, and all those times before. You could not have been clearer about where we stand, but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy each other's company when we have to be in the same room, does it?" he said as he took her by the shoulders. As usual, the contact of their two bodies was electric, and he quickly let go.

"Or maybe I'm fooling myself," he added before taking a step back.

Holly hesitated then replied softy. "No, you're not. I don't want us to ignore each other. Let's not think about anything else but this filming and the fun that we'll have today, okay?"

Phillip looked up and grinned widely. "Deal."

* * *

Back at the station, Blake was at her desk, staring gloomily at the folder before her. She wished that she did not have to work on this particular project, but she was the only public relation specialist that WSPR had. Phillip stared at her from the picture lying on the top of the sheets, with his usual dazzling smile, and she had to resist the urge to tear it to pieces.

All she wanted was to move on and not to be continually confronted to the man who had rejected her love, who had humiliated her. Instead of that, she would have to convince the whole country of how wonderful and interesting he actually was.

She knew rationally that this was an excellent opportunity for the station, and that a documentary featuring a Spaulding was bound to attract attention from other media from across the country. It would give her the opportunity to make new contacts; it would be good for her career, and yet, she had loathed the thought of having to promote this profile from the start. When Holly and Ross had pitched the project to her, she had flatly refused to take care of it at first, and it had taken all of Ross's powers of persuasion to finally convince her to change her mind. That and the fact that he had threatened to fire her, she thought moodily. Of course, he would not have gone through with it, and she was too much of a professional to let her feelings stand in her way for long anyway.

Her thoughts then turned to the last time she had seen Phillip at la Ferme and the nagging feeling that had possessed her since that night returned. Why had he looked so rattled by the fact that her mother had been on a date with Ross? Even thought she had been talking with Alan-Michael and Dinah at the time, she had clearly noticed the flash of anger in his eyes, as well as her mother's embarrassment. Could it be that he had developed a crush on her mother? Is that what his comment to her the other day had meant?

She felt panic rising in her chest and forced herself to breathe deeply. After a few seconds, she chuckled silently. Of course he was not falling for Holly; the idea was too far-fetched to even consider! It must have been something else. She made a mental note to ask her mother about it, and then shook her head. No, she would drop it. She had wasted too much time and energy on Phillip already, and besides, she had another man in her life now.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and the young man came in with a bunch of flowers. Blake reddened in spite of her as she greeted him and invited him to sit down.

"What brings you by?"

"Is this a good time to talk? I have something important to tell you," Alan-Michael said as he glanced nervously at the door of her office, which stood ajar. Blake frowned and went to close the door.

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week, about my life, and about us. We've being seeing each other for a few weeks now, and I wondered…"his voice trailed off and he looked at his hands.

Blake could feel her heart pick up the pace as she waited for Alan-Michael to go on. She could tell that he cared about her, but she was not sure that she was ready to give him more. Yet the idea of letting him go made her unaccountably sad.

"What did you wonder?" she finally prompted.

Alan-Michael cleared his throat and tried another approach. "Dinah and I spent a lot of time together this week, and she told me all about her life in Paris. She said that it would be a great experience for me to live abroad for a while."

Blake's heart sank. This was not the way she had anticipated the discussion to go.

"It did strike something in me, so I went to see my dad about it. He thought it was a great idea, and so did Aunt Alex. You see, Spaulding Enterprises has this exchange programs for young executives between their different divisions. I could get an internship in Paris as soon as next month."

"Oh."

"Oh? Is that all you have to say about this?"

Blake ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "What do you want me to say, Alan-Michael? It's a wonderful opportunity; you'd be a fool not to take it."

Disappointment spread across his features. "So you don't really care if I stay or go, do you?"

Blake stared right in his eyes before replying. "I do care. I'll be miserable if you leave, but I can't very well force you to stay here, can I?"

Alan-Michael eagerly took her hands in his, suddenly excited again. "Yes, you can. If you say that you're willing to give our relationship a real try, then I'll gladly stay, Blake. Paris has nothing on you, baby. You just have to say the words…do you want me to stay?"

* * *

"You're doing great, Phillip, we just have three questions left to tape and then we're done," Jeffrey said as he consulted his notes. Holly stood beside him behind one of the cameras and glanced at her watch. The day had literally flown by. For once, there had been none of the usual delays, the equipment worked like a charm and Phillip had proved a true entertainer. She could tell that the crew liked him.

Yes, it had been a good day, but she would not be sorry when it would be over. There was a tension within her that she could never get rid of as long as Phillip was near, and she was starting to feel exhausted from her constant inner battle with her feelings.

"Okay, let's wrap this up nice and quick, now. In three, two…"Jeffrey raised his hand towards Johnny, who sat next to Phillip in an armchair. Johnny nodded discreetly and turned to his guest.

"Mr. Spaulding, you have been regaling us with stories about your family. Let's bring this to a more personal level, if you don't mind. Have you any intentions on perpetuating the Spaulding name any time soon?"

Phillip could not help but laughing uncomfortably. They had been rehearsing the questions and the answers beforehand, so he had been expecting that he would have to open up in front of the camera, but discussing his romantic future while Holly was listening was another matter entirely.

"This is not in my immediate plans, but I would certainly consider having children in the future, yes." He could not refrain from glancing at Holly briefly before adding: "If the woman I was with wanted that too."

"So we might take it that finding love is not your priority right now? Are you more focussed on your professional life?"

Phillip paused and seemed to gather his thoughts. "You see, I believe that your priority in life should be to find something and someone that you're passionate about, and to give it your all. Your life doesn't have to fit some sort of mold, with the 9 to 5 job, the perfect wife at home, the children, the dogs and the white picket fence, for you to be happy. You have to find what and who really thrills you, and the rest will follow."

Johnny shuffled his sheets and hesitated for a second. This was not the answer that Phillip was supposed to give him, and it certainly eluded his question, but since Jeffrey kept the cameras rolling, he assumed that the director wanted him to start improvising.

"That's an interesting view of life, if a little unexpected coming from a corporate type such as you. I have to ask now if you have found that passion that you have been looking for, at least in your professional life."

"I think that it's safe to say that working at Spaulding is in my blood, and, not to sound conceited, but I think that I'm fairly good at it. I would be lying, however, if I said that I'm completely fulfilled professionally. I'm not just a "corporate" type, as you called me; it's more complex than that. I wish that I could get back to writing, without abandoning Spaulding, but it's not simple. Let's just say that I'm still trying to find balance between my two professional passions."

"And romantically? Have you found that balance yet?"

"I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, if that's what you're asking."

"So you haven't met that someone special."

Phillip paused again. "I didn't say that."

Behind the camera, Holly suddenly felt faint.

"I have been lucky enough to meet someone when I was very young, and then unfortunate enough to lose her when she died unexpectedly. Since then, I've been playing the field, it's true, and people have been calling me a playboy. They think that I just float from one meaningless relationship to another, and that I could not care less about who gets hurt in the process, but people have no clue what goes on inside my heart and my head."

"And what is that?"

The whole room was silent, waiting for Phillip's answer. The crew felt that for the first time, he was really letting his guard down.

"I think I'm might be falling in love again with a wonderful woman."

"And does she share your feelings?"

"She didn't say. She decided not to pursue the relationship."

Again the room fell silent and Holly half-wondered if anyone could hear her heart pounding in her chest.

"So you see," Phillip continued with a self-deprecating laugh, "the life of a corporate playboy is not all that it's cracked up to be." He got up abruptly, looking upset, and walked out of the room.

"Cut!" Jeffrey shouted. "That's a wrap, I guess."

Holly tugged him by the sleeve. "What do you mean, that's a wrap? We can't possibly use this material!"

"Why not? He was being honest about his life and gave us a real insight into his heart. So the guy is not insanely happy as we thought; so what? I think it makes him more likable, actually. It will make for a great hour of television.

"I don't agree, and I want you to edit that last part about his love life. I don't want the profile to end on a sad note."

She was about to say more when she noticed that Phillip had come back into the room, looking more composed and looking as if he wanted to address them all. "We'll finish this discussion at the station," she muttered to Jeffrey, while Phillip started talking.

"I just wanted to thank all of you for the great work that you have done in the past few days. It's been a pleasure to work with you, and I can't wait to see the result!"

"And for us to get out of your house, surely!" Johnny joked, making everyone laugh.

"Very funny, but take your time packing, there's no hurry."

"Actually, there is," the sound engineer said after peering outside the window. The snow is falling pretty heavily right now, and I wouldn't be surprised if this turned into a full snow storm soon."

Phillip frowned. "It wasn't in the weather forecast."

"It wouldn't be the first time the weather man had been wrong," one of the cameramen replied as the crew picked up the pace.

Meanwhile, Holly stood by the door, trying not meet Phillip's gaze and waiting for the van to pull out of the driveway so that she could leave. She felt like crying and wondered if all the walls that she had tried to erect around her heart in the last few weeks would hold against Phillip's love declaration. After what seemed like an eternity, the last piece of equipment was packed and the van slowly made its way down the lane again, bringing the crew with it.

Holly and Phillip faced each other awkwardly in the entrance for a few seconds while Holly struggled to put her coat on.

"I hope I didn't embarrass you with what I said in the interview –" Phillip began, before Holly interrupted him.

"I can't talk about his," she said, and she hurried out the door. She was met by an icy gush of wind and bowed her head until she reached her car. She sat and closed the door before taking a deep breath. "Let's get out of here," she mumbled as she turned the key into the ignition. Nothing happened.

Unnerved, she turned the key again, this time more forcefully, but still the car would not start. The engine was dead.


	15. Confessions

"That used car might not have been my best purchase," Holly said as she walked back into the cabin with Phillip. He had been trying for the last hour to get it started again, but it was getting too dark to see anything under the hood.

"The engine just seems to shut down whenever it's really cold; it's done it a few times this winter in Springfield."

Phillip ushered her into the kitchen and started to wash his hands in the sink. "At least you're not accusing me of tampering with it," he replied with a hint of teasing in his voice. "Besides," he added while wiping his hands, "that's not how I operate."

Holly raised an eyebrow and was about to retort when he interrupted her. "Don't worry; I won't try to change your mind about us tonight. You can even lock the door of your bedroom if you'd rather, I'm sure I have the key somewhere."

Holly sat at the table and looked at him. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to spend the night. Can't you bring me back?"

"I would, but I don't have a car. My driver dropped me here yesterday evening and won't be back before tomorrow."

"Can't you call him so that he can get us now?"

Phillip raised his hands helplessly before pointing outside. "Holly, I'm not trying to aggravate you, but haven't you noticed that there is a snow storm going on outside? I can't ask Robert to drive in this weather!"

He looked at Holly, who looked back with something close to distress in her eyes. He sighed and picked up the phone.

"Alright, but for the record, I think that you're being unreasonable. I'm not going to eat you and…oh, well, that settles it," he said, hanging up the phone. "The line is dead."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"It must be the storm, I'm sorry," Phillip lied. He was far from sorry to have to spend the night in her company, but knew better than to admit it.

"That's just great," Holly continued ranting. "There was someone I had to meet tonight, and now I can't let him know that I won't make it."

Phillip brow darkened. "Who? Uncle Ross?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. We were supposed to have dinner tonight," Holly replied, unable to meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry," Phillip repeated, lying once again. He turned around and went to the refrigerator, then came back with his arms full of vegetables and a very impressive piece of meat.

"There's roast beef tonight on the menu if you're interested. It's Vera's recipe, and she's the best cook that I know."

Holly reluctantly got up and went to join him at the kitchen block where he was getting busy slicing carrots.

"Who's Vera?"

"Our housekeeper. So, will you join me for dinner or are you going to spend the rest of the night skulking?"

He gazed at her and she could see that once again he was teasing her. "Alright," she finally said with a smile.

"Great! There a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in the fridge waiting to be opened; why don't you help me with that?"

* * *

"You were right, this was the best roast beef I have ever tasted," Holly said before washing down the last bite with a mouthful of wine. They had decided to eat in the kitchen instead of in the more formal dining room. The room was cozy and warm, and deliciously aromas from the meal were still lingering in the air.

"Do you cook much?" Phillip said.

Holly burst into laughter. "Me? I wouldn't do that to people. There's too much misery in the world as it is."

"I see!"

"I can make a mean grilled cheese, though. It's the only thing involving a pan that I know how to do properly."

"Maybe you can fix me one someday," Phillip started saying before falling silent. "Why don't you go into the living room while I clear the table?"

"Okay, I can start a fire if you'd like. It's getting a little chilly." Holly rubbed her arms against the thin fabric of her pant suit.

Phillip's eyes caught her movement. "Of course! And I should have suggested it before, but you can change into something warmer if you'd like. There are plenty of women's clothes in the bedrooms upstairs."

Holly nodded and, though the idea of putting someone else's clothes made her slightly uncomfortable, she decided that she was too cold to care. She ran upstairs and entered the first bedroom that she saw. She quickly perused the clothes in the wardrobe and settled for a pair of jeans and a navy blue knit sweater. They fit perfectly. She came back to the living room and before long had succeeded in building a cheery fire in the fireplace.

"Shall I open another bottle?" Phillip shouted from the kitchen.

Holly paused before answering. This was probably not a good idea, yet the first bottle had left her in such a good mood that she decided to accept anyway.

A few minutes later, Phillip appeared with two glasses and another bottle of red wine. When he saw Holly standing by the fireplace, he stopped in his tracks.

"What is it?" she asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing. These clothes were my mom's, and it surprised me to see you wearing them, that's all."

"What? I'm wearing your mother's clothes!" Holly was mortified. "I'm going to change."

Before she could leave the room, Phillip closed the distance between them and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't be silly, Holly. The clothes don't make you look matronly, if that's what you're thinking." In fact, she had rarely seemed more desirable to him than now, with the light from the fire catching in her auburn curls.

Holly muttered something and took her drink back to one of the couches, while Phillip sat at a respectable distance from her.

"I know that neither of your mothers looked matronly. Were these clothes Elizabeth's or Jackie's?" she asked, referring to his adoptive and biological mothers.

"They were Jackie's."

Holly nodded and seemed to be lost in her thoughts for a few seconds.

"It's not the clothes that are the problem," she finally said with a sigh. "But your comment brought me back to the last time that I saw them, back in the early eighties. They were only slightly older than me, Phillip, whereas you were only a boy."

"I'm not a boy anymore, Holly."

"I know that."

"It seems to me like you're always thinking of us in the past or in the future, but never in the present. In the past, yes, I was too young for you, and in the future, yes, who knows what might happen? But in the present, Holly, right now, we could be good together, if only you would let me take care of you."

"You said you wouldn't bring this up again."

"Well, I can't help it, okay? How I am supposed to stay away when life keeps bringing us back together? Don't you think that there's a reason for that? I meant every word that I said in that interview earlier today. I feel like you might be the one for me, Holly, and it's killing me that you won't give us at least a chance to find out!"

Holly got up and started pacing to and fro in front of the fire. "It's not just about our age difference and you know it. There's Blake too."

"Blake has moved on, and so should we. Yes, her ego might be bruised at first, but it wouldn't last."

"I'm not so sure about that."

She stopped and turned to him. "This is so complicated for so many reasons. I'm in a place in my life where I want a simple relationship. No more surprise and heartache."

"You mean like what you could have with Ross?" Phillip could not hide the bitterness from his voice.

"Yes."

"Well I'm sorry to break it to you, but it wouldn't last either." Phillip took a long sip before pointing his index at her. "You'll get bored and you know why? Because there is a passion inside of you that needs an outlet. I just wished that you would set yourself free!"

"That's easy for you to say, you haven't been through what I've been through."

"You mean losing the person that you love most in the world? Because I can relate to that perfectly." Again, there was an edge in Phillip's voice.

"I'm not trying to minimize the effect that Beth's death had on you, far from it. I know that you must have been devastated. But the truth is that Beth never treated you the way that Roger treated me."

Phillip held his breath for a few seconds. His mind went back to their conversation in the attic at the Spaulding mansion, and to the last time they had spoken about Roger. They had been lying naked in her empty living room, after making love. She had told him what Roger had done to her: the rape, the kidnapping, but she had only stated facts. If she could only open up to him now, really open up, then maybe he would finally be able to break through that wall she had erected between them.

"You can tell me anything, Holly."

Holly looked at him but he could see that her eyes were seeing something else, memories of a distant past. "His plan was to leave me to die on a deserted island near Santo Domingo. After he had tried to kidnap my Chrissie and taken me instead, I mean. If he hadn't fallen off that cliff that day, I'd the one who would be dead by now."

She paused and looked around, looking for something. Then she spotted the bottle of wine and motioned for Phillip to fill her glass.

"Thanks." She took a sip and tried to smile, but in vain. "After he fell, I insisted that we climb down the cliff to see his body. Ed wouldn't hear of it at first, but I had to see for myself. It was awful, the way that his body was laying there, his limbs twisted in all the wrong angles. Roger had always been so full of life, and now he…" her voice broke and for several minutes she could not talk.

"I thought that I would have been relieved to finally see him dead, but all that I felt was emptiness. He had been the center of my world for so long, for better and for worse, that it's as if life without him had suddenly become meaningless. I felt like the two of us were two parts of a whole, and that without him I was nothing."

Tears started to slowly run down her cheeks, but, wanting to hear the rest, Phillip resisted the urge to wipe them away.

"I still miss him, sometimes, after all these years. And at the same time I hate him for what he did to me. I hate him so because I loved him so very, very much. I loved him to distraction, and he repaid me by breaking me to pieces."

"Maybe he simply wasn't able to love you the way that you loved him."

Holly glanced at him briefly and toyed with her glass.

"Are you defending him?"

"Not at all, I'm just trying to understand why he did the things that he did."

"Well, you're right, he was badly scarred too. I think that for him love would always involve control and manipulation."

Phillip went to sit beside her and tentatively put an arm around her shoulders. She did not brush him off.

"I wish that you could find a way of getting past this so that you could be happy again."

"Don't you think that I want that too? To just let go of the past! But how do you recover from such a relationship?"

She began to sob more violently and put her head against Phillip's chest. "This attraction that I have for you…Phillip…it's frightening me," she managed to say in a chopped voice. "I don't want to hurt like that ever again."

* * *

Ross looked at his watch for the third time and sighed. He was starting to seriously worry about Holly. He had called her twice already, and had gotten her machine both times. Had something happened to her, or had she simply decided that she didn't feel like having dinner with him? He knew that it would be unlike her to leave him high and dry, and yet he had a feeling that she was not as eager as he was that they turned their friendship into something more.

He was about to leave his table when a dark-haired woman entered the dining room. She scanned the room and beamed when she recognized him. The sight of her wide blue eyes made his heart rate go a little faster, as it never failed to do.

He had not seen Vanessa in more than a year, and she looked more beautiful than ever.

"Ross! I was hoping to find you here," she said as she approached his table. "I called your place and Samantha told me that you might be here."

Ross quickly got up and pulled a chair for her. "Yes, I was supposed to have dinner with someone, but it looks like they won't show up after all. Where's Dinah?"

"She's at your place too, actually. I cannot believe that she will be leaving again in two days. I've been thinking that we have to convince her to come back to the States after college, what do you say?"

"Of course, I've been missing her like crazy. And now that you have decided to come back to Springfield for good, both of her parents would be here for her."

Vanessa smiled coyly. "She told you about that."

Ross laughed. "Yes, but Springfield is a small town, so I was bound to find out sooner or later. I guess it means that it didn't work out with Billy after all?"

Vanessa shook her head. "No. I've come to the realization that he has to stop drinking on his own. I can't do it for him; I have to move on."

"Will he stay in Venezuela?"

"That's the plan, but who knows with Billy?"

Before she could say more, a waiter materialized next to their table with two menus. "I'm glad to see that your date has finally arrived, Mr. Marler. Can I offer you something to drink before your meal?"

"I'll have white wine," Vanessa said.

"Me too, thank you, Jackson."

Ross waited for the waiter to walk away and counted to three in his head. As he had anticipated, Vanessa quickly took the menu off his hands and forced him to look at her.

"So this was supposed to be a date, huh?"

"Yes, kind of."

"Who with?"

"With my business partner, Holly Lindsey."

Vanessa looked up, clearly trying to place her in her mind. "Oh! The redhead?"

"Yes."

"I've seen her once or twice. She's a very attractive woman."

"She is, and very smart too. Doing business with her has been great, and now we're trying to see if there might not be something more to this relationship. I'm not sure yet if it will amount to much. We'll have to wait and see."

"Right," Vanessa said, looking down at her menu. She made certain that he noticed the lack of enthusiasm in her response, which made him smile.

"You're not jealous, are you?"

Vanessa lifted up her eyes and gave him a cheeky smile.

"Would it be so bad? I think it's perfectly normal for me to be a little possessive or you, since you're the father of my child."

Ross started laughing. "Oh, my dear Vanessa, you're the worst! You just can't stand that a man would prefer another woman over you, don't you?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Her smile gradually faded and was replaced by a more earnest expression. "Is it serious between you and Holly?"

"Not yet, no."

"Okay. I've missed you, Ross, I just want you to know that," Vanessa said as she picked up her menu again. "I'll have the salmon, you?"

* * *

The fire was slowly dying down in the fireplace, yet Phillip did not budge to put another log in it. After crying herself dry, Holly was still resting in his arms, and as they both sat of the floor, her eyes were fixed upon the flames.

Phillip gently shifted his weight so that circulation would be restored into his left leg, and the movement seemed to bring her back to reality.

"I'm glad that we had this talk," he said, brushing s strand of hair away from her face.

"Me too. I feel lighter, somehow." She pulled away so that she could look him in the eyes.

"I wanted you to understand where I'm coming from, and now I think that you do. It may be true that I'm throwing my last chance at happiness away, but I can't help it, Phillip. Love has cost me too much already."

"I understand what you're saying. I wish that you could feel differently, that you could overcome you fears, but I understand."

Holly brushed her hand lightly against his face. "Thank you."

"I only want you to be happy, Holly." Phillip hesitated before adding: "I love you."

Holly looked intently into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. They barely knew each other, and yet their connection was undeniable. For a few excruciatingly slow seconds, she felt inexorably pulled toward him, and their lips were about to meet when, to her surprise, he pulled away.

"There's no point in torturing ourselves, is there?" he whispered in her hair before getting up. Then he added, in his normal voice: "How about that grilled cheese that you talked about earlier before going to bed? Comfort food will do you good."

Holly pulled herself up and ran a hand in her disheveled hair. "Sure, I'm a bit hungry too, actually."

"You go ahead; I'll put out the fire."

He waited to hear her rummaging in the kitchen to slowly rest against the fireplace. It would take every ounce of his will not to join her in her room later that night, but he knew that he could do it. If Holly was ever to be his, she would have to come to him freely and overcome her own demons first. He silently prayed that she would before putting the fire out and turning off the lights.


	16. The Rough Cut

Early the next afternoon, Blake came into WSPR and immediately made her way down to the editing room with a large cup of coffee. Even though she would have preferred to bite her own head off, it was time that she started working on the promotion of Phillip's profile. In order to do that, she had to see the material.

She leaned on the wall of the elevator while it went down and her thoughts immediately went to Alan-Michael. Had she been right in turning him down? The thought of having him leave for Paris indefinitely made her miserable, and yet she did not want to be the one to deny him this professional opportunity. What if she told him to stay and things did not work out between them? After all, they were still getting to know each other, and their relationship was very fragile. No, it would not be right of her to hold him down.

As the elevator doors opened to the basement floor, she shook her head, trying to erase the image of his crestfallen face from her mind, and went directly to the editing room, where she found Jeffrey and the editor hard at work. They were focussed on the TV monitor and sported the bedraggled look of people who had not slept in a very long time.

"Another all-nighter, huh?" Blake greeted them, making him them jump.

Jeffrey took the coffee from her hands and replied with a wink. "Jeez, thanks for the coffee, Blake. It's very thoughtful of you."

Blake laughed. "Hey, that coffee was mine and you know it. I'll let you keep it though if you help me out. I need to see the rough cut of Phillip Spaulding's profile as soon as possible. Is it ready?"

Jeffrey ran a hand through his thinning hair and glanced at the editor. "What do think, Chris, should we let her see it?"

Chris shrugged without taking his eyes off the screen. "It's your call."

Jeffrey hesitated for a few more seconds and then took a tape that was lying on the table. "We've been working on two different rough cuts; that's why we've been here all night. This tape that I'm holding is the one including some material that I wanted to keep, whereas the one Chris is still working on is the one that Holly is expecting. I'm still hoping to convince her to go with my version in the end."

"What's so different between the two?" Blake said inquisitively as she leaned on the desk and crossed her arms.

"Let's just say that my version is much more personal than the one Holly is going for. It shows a side of this guy that I think few people have seen. Why don't you have a look and tell me what you think. Maybe you could help me convince your mother if you end up liking it too."

Blake pretended to think before slowly taking the tape from Jeffrey's hands. "I guess I could do that," she finally said. Having a peek into Phillip's head? Yes, she could DEFINITELY do that.

* * *

Holly let out a sigh of relief as Phillip's limousine pulled out of her driveway. She unlocked her door and went into her house, savoring the peace and quiet that reigned inside. She threw her coat on the couch and went directly to the bathroom, where she shed her clothes and stepped into the shower. It was not until she felt the hot water running down her back that she finally started to relax.

The night at the cabin had been pure torture. She had spent hours tossing and turning, both dreading and hoping for Phillip to join her in her room, until she had finally fell asleep and dreamt of precisely the same scenario. She had woken up at the crack of dawn with a start, visions of Phillip slowly taking off his clothes before sliding into bed next to her, and crushing her body with his.

She had met him downstairs in the kitchen after having dressed, and found that he looked as wretched as she felt. They ate breakfast in silence and were both relieved when Robert finally showed up with the car.

Holly poured shampoo into her hand and started to lather her hair. She could always find solace in the thought that she had done the right thing, she mused. And yet the feeling of his hands on her body in her dream had been so vivid that she found it impossible to forget. She leaned her forehead on one of the shower's wall and felt hot tears mingle with the water running down her face. This had to stop, somehow, or else she would go crazy.

"Do I have to go back to Europe and disappear from his life forever? Or do I have to sacrifice my daughter's happiness to be with Phillip? Are those my only options? Being miserable or being miserable?" she said out loud.

* * *

Back at the station, Blake had just finished watching the first rough cut that Jeffrey had lent her. She slowly put the headphones down and gazed absent-mindedly at the two men working next to her.

What she had seen on that tape had been very bittersweet to her. She had seen a glimpse of the man that she had fallen in love with a few months ago, the Phillip that was open, warm and caring. She had been reminded of how much he cared for his friends and his family, and how good he was everything that he tried his hand at. With a pang of regret, she wondered for the hundredth time why it had not worked out between them, even though a part of her already knew.

It was never meant be. She had never succeeded in making her way into his heart. She had tried to morph into the woman that he wanted, that he needed, but of course it had not worked. All that she had been left with was the feeling that somehow, she lacked the thing that could make her loveable. And then Alan-Michael had come along and changed all that, but she had had to let him go too.

She stared back at the tape and groaned, more troubled than she wanted to admit. Even though she was not in love with Phillip anymore, it had hit her hard to hear say that he was in love with another woman. Furthermore, it brought back the nagging feeling that she had been trying to push away from her head for the last few days. She rewound the tape and watched the part in the cabin once again, and then she turned to Jeffrey.

"Can you come here for a minute?" She waited until he was next to her and then ran the scene once again. "Do you see how he keeps looking at something or someone right behind the camera? Was there someone standing there?"

Jeffrey scratched his head, thinking back. "Well, I was there."

"Was he looking at you?"

"I don't know; I was looking at the screen the whole time."

"Was there someone else beside you? A woman maybe?"

Jeffrey looked at her as if she had gone mad. "I don't remember, Blake."

"Please try! This is important!" Blake snapped.

Jeffrey rubbed his tired face for a few seconds. "It was your mother. Yes, I remember now, that's where we had the argument about whether or not we should put that scene in the final version."

Blake's heart started pounding in her chest. "Let me guess, she was against it?"

"Yes, that's what I told you before…Wait! Where are you going?"

But Blake did not even look back as she ran to the elevator.


	17. A Storm is Brewing

Blake crossed the reception area at Spaulding Enterprises and violently pushed open the door to Phillip's office, ignoring his secretary's attempts to stop her.

She stood in the middle of the room, panting, while Phillip eyed her warily. "What do you want, Blake?" he asked, motioning her to sit on the couch.

"I want a straight answer, that's what!" Blake shouted, walking straight up to him instead of sitting.

"What do you mean?" He did not like the dirty look that she gave him. The last he had seen that look on her face; they had ended up in a car accident.

"I know that you're in love with my mother. She confessed everything." She did not have to wait to see the impact of her words on Phillip. He sat back abruptly, the blood draining from his face.

Blake's decision to confront Phillip instead of her mother had been far from arbitrary. First of all, he did not know her as well as her mother did and she felt she could probably trick the truth out of him. Secondly, she had seen Phillip operate, and she knew that he was not one to shy away from going after a woman he wanted. His reaction confirmed what she already suspected, namely that her mother and him could be hiding more than just a harmless flirtation.

Meanwhile, thoughts were whirling inside Phillip's head. What on earth could have made Holly change her mind about keeping the truth from Blake? Did this mean that she was finally considering giving into her feelings for him? Overwhelmed by the wonderful possibilities opening up before him, he did not even pause to consider that Blake might be lying.

"What do you want to know?" he finally asked the irate young woman. The question threw Blake for a loop, for she did not want to blow her cover so soon. She phrased her reply carefully.

"I want to know why you waited so long before telling me that you were in love with someone else! My mother, of all people! You would have saved me a lot of heartache."

"I did tell you! I told you as soon as I came back from Italy that nothing could happen between us because I had met someone. Of course, I didn't know back then that Holly was your mother – "

Forgetting all about her plan, Blake blurted out: "Italy? What are you talking about?"

Phillip stared at her for a few seconds before the truth slowly dawned on him. "Oh, Blake...Dear Blake. You had me there," he said in a falsely calm voice.

"Yes, I lied to you, so frigging what? You and Holly have been lying to me for months as I can see! You better start telling me what really happened right now, or else!"

"Or else what?"

"Let's just say that if you thought I was crazy before, you've seen nothing yet. So start talking."

Phillip shook his head, trying to decide if it was best to admit the affair or just to follow his first impulse and throw her out the door. He finally opted for the first option. He was tired of playing games, and since she had already succeeded in getting a part of the story out of him, he might as well tell her the rest.

He walked to the bar and fixed two whiskeys on the rocks, then handed one to the young woman. "You'll probably need this. "

He sat on the couch and took a big gulp. "Your mother and I met last fall in Rome, in a restaurant. I didn't recognize her and she didn't recognize me either. Anyway, we hit it off right away and..."

"And what?"

Phillip looked uncomfortable. "And we ended up spending the night together."

Blake felt bile rising up in her throat. This must be a nightmare, she thought. "How could you not recognize each other? Surely your name must have rung a bell for her?!"

"We didn't tell each other our last name. It was an eerie night for both us, you see. I had just heard that Meredith was pregnant with my child, and your mother had just gotten her divorce that very morning."

"Oh, so of course she thought that it would be fun to jump in the sack with the first man that crossed her path," Blake said cynically.

"Blake," Phillip warned.

"Don't "Blake" me! She's a tramp. She didn't even stop to ask for your NAME!" Blake yelled, and sent her glass flying across the room. It crashed on Phillip's desk, spilling whiskey all over his papers.

"Alright, that's enough. Get out of here." Phillip grabbed her by the arm and tried to push her toward the door, but Blake shook him off.

"I'm not leaving until I know everything; I don't care if I have to chain myself to your desk."

Phillip let go of her and groaned in frustration. "There's nothing more to tell! The morning after, she was gone. It was supposed to be a fling, a one night-stand. I tried to track her down but I couldn't find her."

"But then she came to Springfield."

"Yes, she came back to take care of you, and that's how me met again and realized that we knew each other all along. Ironic, isn't it? That you should be the one to drive us back together," Phillip could not resist replying.

Blake only stared at him with pure loathing.

"Anyway, when Holly realized who I was, she immediately told me that nothing else could ever happen between us. She thought that there was no point in telling you the truth, since we were never going to be together anyway. She felt awful about the whole thing."

"I bet she did. She must have been afraid of being caught."

"Your mother really cares about you Blake, whether you want to believe or not. She wants to protect you, she wants you to be happy. You could be a little more grateful."

Blake let out a scary laugh. "Grateful of what? That she slept with you? You must be kidding me!"

"Grateful that she would sacrifice her own happiness for you! Because let me make myself clear; the only reason why your mother and I aren't together is because of you."

Blake staggered backward, as if he had slapped her. Phillip closed the distance between them until his face was inches from hers. "That's right, she loves me too, and I don't care if you don't like it. I, for one, am done apologizing for my feelings."

"Did you two have an affair here in Springfield?" Blake managed to say after a few seconds.

Phillip turned away from her. "I have nothing more to say to you. Go now before I throw you out."

Blake picked up her purse that had fallen on the floor and marched toward the door. "Fine. You two can rot in hell together for all I care!"

"That's right, Blake, why would you care about other people's feelings? Aren't you all wrapped up with my brother anyway?"

"Shut up!" Blake screamed before slamming the door behind her.

Phillip stood motionless for a few seconds, then slowly walked back to his desk. He picked up the phone and tried to reach Holly at work, then at her house, only to get her machine both times. He cringed as he heard her low-pitched voice asking him to leave a message.

"Holly, this is Phillip... God, where do I start? Blake was just here, and she knows about us. How don't know how she got wind of it, but she tricked me into admitting that we had met in Italy. She doesn't know about that other time, at your place. I'm so sorry, Holly, I walked right into her trap like an idiot! Anyway, I thought that you should know as soon as possible. Please call me back."

* * *

"Holly, where the hell have you been?" Ross asked as soon as he saw her walk out of the elevator at WSPR.

Holly rubbed her temples wearily and followed him into his office.

"I grabbed lunch at the Diner," she said as she fell into a chair.

"I mean last night. We were supposed to meet at the Country Club, remember?" The shortness in his voice was unmistakable, and Holly sighed inwardly.

"I'm sorry that I stood you up, but I couldn't help it. I had to act as producer yesterday for Phillip's profile, and I got stuck up north at his cabin. My car wouldn't start and all of the others were gone."

Ross looked contrite. "So you had to spend the night there all alone? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Phillip was there. His chauffeur picked us up this morning. I would have called you last night, but there was a storm and the line was dead."

"Wow, so you really were stranded up there." He paused and cleared his throat. "Sorry that I snapped at you before; I had no idea"

"Don't worry about it, I understand. I wish you didn't have to wait for me last night though. I hope you had a good time anyway."

Ross thought back to his impromptu dinner with Vanessa. Yes, he always had a good time when the dark-haired woman was around, and last night she had made no secret of her desire to win him back. It would be so easy for him to fall back in love with her; he had never been able to resist her charms for very long. Not to mention that she was the mother of her child, a notion that made the relationship even more romantic in his eyes. However, he was far from convinced that she was really over Billy Lewis. She had left him for her ex-husband before, and he was not sure that he had the emotional stamina to go for a second round. And there was Holly. The two women could not have been more different, both physically and intellectually, yet he was attracted to both. Why did this have to be so complicated?

"Ross?"

Ross snapped back to reality and smiled. "I'm sorry; I got sidetracked for a second. Yes, I did have a good time last night. I met an old friend and it gave us the opportunity to catch up."

"Good, I'm glad."

"So how about rescheduling that date?"

"Oh…sure, why not?" Holly stammered. A part of her felt like she was leading him on and she hated it.

"The Spaulding Foundation is organizing a big benefit in a few days at the Spaulding Mansion. There is going to be a big BBQ and all the profits will go to Cedars."

"A BBQ? Isn't still a bit cold for that?"

Ross smirked. "You know that nothing is impossible for Alexandra and Allan. I heard they are putting up huge heated tents with chandeliers and what not. It should be quite a sight. So, are you in?"

"How can I say no?" Holly replied with a smile. A picnic did not sound to binding, and all of theirs friends with be there. She could always leave if she felt that the date was not working out.

She had just gotten up to leave when the phone rang. Ross picked up and gestured to Holly to stay put.

"Hi, Blake…WHAT?"

Holly frowned and took a step toward Ross. "What is it?"

Ross waved dismissively and listened intently to Blake's reply before saying: "You can't do this…Will you at least tell me why? ... At least talk to your mother, she's right here…Wait!"

Ross looked at Holly and put the phone down. "She hung up."

"What is going on? Is she alright?"

"She just gave me her resignation. She wouldn't say why, she just said that it was effective immediately. She sounded terribly upset."

A cold ball of fear formed into Holly's stomach. Blake had always been impulsive, but her work ethics were flawless. She must have had a good reason to quit so cavalierly. "Did she say where she was?"

"No."

Holly walked toward the door. "I'll talk to you later; I have to try and found her."

* * *

Overwhelmed by the piles of clothes surrounding him, Alan-Michael decided to take a break from packing and wandered out of his room, down to the mansion's kitchen.

He found Alexandra preparing tea and sat at the table, watching her hesitate between oolong and Earl Grey.

"You look like you might need a cup," she said as she sat down beside him with a tray after a few minutes.

Alan-Michael winked. "I thought you didn't know where the kitchen was, let alone how to make tea, but I'll take my chances."

Alex huffed a little before running a hand through her nephew's hair. "I'll let you know that I used to be a very good cook, but what's the point of competing against Vera? She's the best."

"Yes, she certainly is," Alan-Michael replied as he looked around him at the warm room. Nostalgia seized him and he sighed.

"What is it, Alan-Michael? You should be thrilled about going to Paris, and yet you seemed to be dragging your feet since you decided to go!"

Alan-Michael took a sip of tea and hesitated. He knew that his family would disapprove of his relationship with Blake, but he was finding it harder and harder to deal with his heartbreak alone.

"Are you leaving a girl behind, is that it?" Alexandra asked, looking intently at him.

It was all the encouragement it took him to take the plunge. "Yes. I know that I should be excited to leave, but all that I can think about is the fact that it's over between us."

"Who is she, this young lady?"

Alan-Michael squirmed a little before mumbling, "Blake Thorpe." He waited for her aunt to explode, but to his surprise, all that she did was roll her eyes and put her cup down.

"I suspected as much. Don't look so surprised, I have eyes, and I know that you two have been spending a lot of time together. I was still hoping that you wouldn't be enough of a fool to fall for her, but…"

"Aunt Alex, you don't know her, but she's a great girl!"

Alexandra waved him to stop. "She's a floozy and a hot head. She threw herself at your brother, and when he turned her down, she tried to kill them both, almost amputating you in the process. Or don't you remember? Maybe that car accident damaged your head, have you had it checked out recently?"

"Hold the sarcasm, please!"

"Oh, I wish that I was sarcastic, but I mean every word of what I just said!"

Alan-Michael emptied his cup and got up. "Forget I said anything, okay?"

"Sit down, I'm not done with you yet," Alexandra commanded. The young man obeyed out of habit. Although he would rather die than to admit it, he was still vaguely scared of her at times.

"I just want you to find a nice, mentally stable girlfriend. Is that too much to ask?"

"Oh, you mean you want me to be with someone boring? Besides, you're the one to talk! I heard that you were pretty wild when you were younger, fleeing to Europe with a penniless musician, who turned out to be a drunk!"

Alexandra only shrugged; obviously amused by her nephew's attempt to embarrass her. "Is that all you got? Yes, Eric turned out to be a failure, but he genuinely loved me, which is more than I can say for that person that you're seeing. Can't you see that she's only in for the money?"

"If that's true, then why is she the one who told me to go to Paris? Yes, that's right! I asked her if I should stay to be with her, and she said that it wouldn't be fair of her to ask me to pass such an opportunity."

Alexandra raised an eyebrow. She had to admit that this was surprising information. "I see."

"She's not who you think that she is, Aunt Alex. Yes, she's been through a rough patch and she made lousy choices, but who hasn't? She's getting help now; she's getting better."

"You may be right, Alan-Michael, but it doesn't much matter what I think anymore, does it? She left you."

Hurt crossed Alan-Michael's eyes and Alexandra softened her voice. "Listen, you won't be gone forever, will you? If she's still available when you come back, and if she's interested in you, then I promise that I will make an effort to get to know her better."

"Thank you."

"Then I'll get to decide if she's as great as you say she is, and if she's not, I'll ring her pretty little neck. Deal?"

They both laughed and shook hands. "Deal."

Alexandra gave him a fond look as he left the room and her thoughts turned to Blake and Phillip. "Oh, the Christmas parties that we'll have!"

..


	18. Release

It was not until late that evening that Holly came back to her house. She had looked for Blake in all the places that she could think of, in vain. She had even called Cedars and the hospital in Clayton. She had banged on her daughter's apartment door until she thought her hand would break, and though she did suspect that Blake was probably holed up in there and simply refused to come to the door or answer the phone, it was too soon to involve the police to force her to come out.

What could have possessed her daughter to quit in such a way? Could it be that she knew? She got out of her car, haunted by these two questions, and saw Phillip waiting for her by the door of her house. She knew at once by the look in his face that somehow, Blake had learned of their affair.

"Holly, where have you been? We have to talk," Phillip said gravely.

Holly unlocked the entrance door with a pounding heart and ushered him inside.

"I've been looking for Blake all day," she said as she took off her coat. "She just quit her job at WSPR without any explanation. She knows about us, doesn't she?"

Phillip stood by the doorway and asked if he could take his coat off too and come in. They went to sit at the kitchen table and Holly waited nervously for Phillip's answer.

"I gather you didn't get my message?" Phillip said, looking in the phone's direction.

Holly shook her head and immediately sprang toward the phone when she saw the light beeping on her answering machine. "Maybe she called me too!"

She listened intently as she played the messages, her heart sinking a little bit lower with each passing second. All the messages were from Phillip, urging her to call him back.

"Oh, my God!" she finally muttered before sitting back down. "How did she find out in the first place?"

"I have no idea. She came to me as if she already knew the whole thing. Maybe someone saw us that night, on the side of the road."

"She would have confronted you about that if she had heard something."

"Then, I don't know. Maybe she just guessed by the way we acted toward one another." Phillip took her hands hesitantly. "I'm sorry that I said anything, Holly. I didn't mean to hurt you, nor her. I won't pretend that I'm fond of her, but I don't mean her any harm either. I never have."

Holly squeezed his hands back and smiled sadly. "I'm not mad at you for letting the truth out. If you knew how many times she has played the same trick on me! I'm just really scared for her, Phillip. What if she does something crazy?"

Phillip could not at first find the words to comfort her, since he was worried about the exact same thing. With her past history, it was not such a stretch for them to think that Blake could act out in some irrational way.

"It's too late to look for her today," he finally said. "But we'll start first thing tomorrow morning. I know an excellent private detective; I'll call him and put him on the case. We'll find her, I promise."

He went to her and took her into his arms. "This whole thing is my fault," Holly said before trying to pull away. "I'm the one who caused this mess."

Phillip held her more tightly before she could get away and forced her to look at him. "Stop feeling guilty, okay? You didn't hurt her on purpose; in fact, you did everything that you could to protect her!"

"I shouldn't have slept with you that night after the Towers. I should have left town as soon as I realized who you were!"

Phillip ran his hands through her hair and gazed into her eyes. "But you didn't leave, and you couldn't help what happened that night, just like I couldn't help it either."

He bent his head and brushed his lips against hers. "Maybe it had to happen this way and there was nothing that we could do about it," he added before kissing her again, this time for real. After a feeble attempt to push him away, Holly gave into his embrace. Their lips met more and more urgently, and for a minute, all of her fears and doubts seem to vanish as they stood kissing in the middle of her little kitchen. The moment was all too brief, however, and she soon came back to reality. She entangled herself from his arms and took a few steps back.

"I can't do this, not tonight. Not until I talk to Blake," she stated, slightly out of breath.

Phillip was also breathless when he answered, "I understand. Let me stay here tonight, though. I don't want you to be alone." He pointed his chin toward the couch before adding, "I'll sleep over there."

"I don't know if it such a good idea."

"No funny business, I promise. Just let me take care of you, please."

Holly sighed. "Alright, you can sleep in the spare bedroom. " After all, they had been able to sleep apart at the cabin, why should they not be able to handle this?

* * *

Holly had been right in surmising that Blake was hiding out in her apartment. She had heard her mother begging her to let her in, but nothing could induce to her rise from her bed, certainly not Holly. The last thing that she needed was to hear her lame excuses. Instead, she just lied with her eyes fixed on the ceiling as the anger swelled within her.

She had been crying all afternoon, but not over the loss of Phillip; she had come to terms with it weeks ago. No, her tears were tears of rage, at what she considered to be her mother's ultimate betrayal. How could she not tell her about sleeping with Phillip? Had she lied about everything else too? She replayed in her mind all the times that her mother had urged to stay away from Phillip, to forget about him, and it made her snicker. Of course she wanted her away from him si that she could keep him all to herself. And she had had he way in the end; Phillip had fallen in love with her.

She was not going to get away with it.

It was not before the sun had gone down that Blake had finally wiped her tears and walked out the door. She did not know where she was going, but she kept walking, trying to come up with the best way to get even with her mother. After an hour or two, she ended in a part of town that she was not familiar with, and, her feet being sore, walked into the first bar that she came across. She sat at the bar and ordered a beer.

"This isn't a place for you," she heard the man sitting to her left say.

She was in no mood to be patronized, and was about to give the man a piece of her mind when she recognized Rick Bauer. He looked terrible and she immediately could see that he was drunk, again.

"It seems to me like you should be the one going home. Haven't you had enough for tonight?"

Rick emptied his drink and ordered another from the waiter. "I don't think that there is enough booze in the entire bar for it to be enough, Blake."

Blake eyed him with pity. Gone was the Rick that she knew, the easy-going and caring young man. All that was left was a cynical and bitter version of his old self. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" she asked.

"You know why. I lost everything that was dear to me; Meredith, the baby, and it's all because of Phillip Spaulding." He took another mouthful of vodka, enjoying the burning feeling as it went down his throat. "There's just no point in trying to be the good boy anymore. It certainly hasn't served me right."

"I wouldn't know, I've never especially tried being good before," Blake replied.

"You still haven't told me why you're in a dive like this?"

"I know that you've been busy with your problems and all that, but in case you hadn't noticed, my life has been far from great either in the last few months," Blake snapped back.

"Right, the car accident…" Rick's voice trailed off.

"And I got a news flash for you; you're not the only one that's been hurt by Phillip. But, contrary to you, I definitely won't take this lying down."

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said; Phillip will be sorry that he crossed me, and so will my mother!"

Rick gave her a puzzled look. "What does Holly have to do with this?"

Blake paused for effect before declaring, "They've been sleeping together."

Rick just stared at her, as if unable to wrap his mind around this piece of information. "What?"

"They've been having an affair," Blake enunciated exaggeratingly, "since this fall. They met in Europe and have been going at it ever since." She had no evidence concerning the last part, but not for one moment did she doubt it to be true.

"This is insane!"

"Tell me about it. Anyway, they're going to pay for this." She gave in a look and a thought suddenly sprang into her mind. "And I think that a just found the perfect plan, but I'm going to need your help."

Rick shook his head. "I don't know, Blake."

Blake snorted with contempt. "What is it, Rick? Are you scared of him?"

"Certainly not," he replied, but she could see the flash of anger in his eyes.

"Then you're scared of putting your foot down and to show him that he can't use you anymore. You know, if you weren't such a nice guy all the time, maybe none of this mess would have happened to you in the first place. Do you think that Phillip has such scruples when he decides to go after something that he wants? Don't you want revenge?"

Rick thought of Beth, of Mindy and of Meredith, and he hardened his grip on his glass. "Fine, what do you have in mind?"

* * *

The house was plunged into darkness and not a sound could be heard besides the ticking of the clock in the living room. Still, Holly could not find sleep. All that she could think of was her daughter, probably crying herself to sleep or worse, wishing that her mother would burn into the eternal fires of hell.

She was racked with guilt and yet all that she had done was to fall for the wrong man. Phillip. It seemed to her that he was her problem and her solution, her addiction and her relief. For better or for worse, she had him under her skin.

She tossed and turned a few times, fighting the mounting urge to reach out to him, then suddenly gave up the fight. She pushed back her covers and silently walked out from her room to his.

She found him sitting in the bed, prompted against a few pillows and looking pensively outside the window. She took in the sight of his naked upper body and the way the moonlight softened the sharp edges of his face, and then knocked on the door to make her presence known. When he saw her, he froze, wondering if she was going to ask him to leave after all.

"Holly?" he finally asked uncertainly.

She answered with a question. "So you couldn't sleep either?"

"No. I keep thinking about all that has happened in the last few months, wondering if there was something that I could have done differently." He reached for the bedside lamp, but Holly told him to leave it.

"I like it like this," she said, and she sat on the bed to get a better view of the night sky. While she seemed lost in her thoughts, Phillip gazed at her silk purple night gown, a strap of which had slipped off her shoulder, revealing the dawn of her cleavage.

"Why are you here?" he finally whispered.

Holly turned to him and their eyes locked. "Because I can't take not being with you anymore," she simply said. She slid a hand in his hair and pulled him into a soft kiss.

"Are you sure? Because just an hour ago you told me that you couldn't do this," Phillip said, putting some distance between them.

Holly smiled. "I don't blame you for thinking that I'm confused. I know that I've pushed you away countless times in the last months." She got up and slowly let the night gown slide down her body, making Phillip catch his breath.

"But it hasn't work. I can't let you go, no matter hard I try."

Without a word, Phillip pushed the blankets off him and kneeled on the bed. He pulled Holly toward him and ran his hands around her waist and down her naked back while their lips met. After kissing her avidly, he made his way down her throat and to her breasts, and let his tongue glide from the left one to the right while she hold on to him tightly.

Pushing him back gently, she made him lie on the bed while she stripped him of his boxers, then she climb in next to him. Phillip took hold of her mouth again and rolled over her, letting his hands roam inside her thighs. She moaned under his touch and let him guide her into their love-making. "I've wanted this for so long," he murmured after as he stopped to stare at her. After all these months, he still marveled at her beauty.

"I wanted it too, Phillip, more than you'll ever know." She pressed herself against him, needing to feel him inside of her. Unable to wait any longer, he wrapped her legs around him and slowly entered her. This time, the urgency was replaced by certainty, and all of the mixed feelings were gone. Phillip's touch was tender and gentle, and Holly could feel his love pervading each and every one of his kisses, each and every one of his thrusts.

Their bodies became slippery as Phillip increased the pace, and feeling his muscles getting tighter and his breath shorter, Holly let herself completely go. Cradling his face in her hands, she whispered, "I love you."

Then, burying her face in his neck, she repeated the words over and over as they both went over the edge.


	19. Ed Will Know What To Do

Waking up next to Phillip the next morning was an entirely new but satisfying experience. Holly realized with relief as she stared into the young man's face that she had made the right decision.

"Hi, handsome," she said with a smile as he opened his eyes.

Stretching and blinking, Phillip looked at her confusingly before breaking into a smile also. "So it wasn't a dream. I was afraid that I might wake up in my room at the mansion." He planted a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"It's very real." She almost purred as he began to caress her back, and then sighed. "As much as I would like to stay here with you all day, we have to get going."

"You mean to try and find Blake?"

Holly nodded and tore herself away from the sheets. "Would you mind calling that detective?"

"As soon as I get to the office. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go by Ed's house this morning. I called him yesterday but he hasn't called me back. I figured that he might know something of Blake's whereabouts."

"Good thinking."

Holly put on her bathrobe. "Then I have to show up at work, even if just for a few hours. She might call me there if I'm lucky. Do you want to shower or to eat something before you go?"

Phillip got out of bed and grabbed his pants. "No, thank you. I have to go home and change anyway, and I can see that you're in a hurry to get your day started," he said with a smirk.

She walked up to him and kneeled in front of him. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not, I perfectly understand." He buttoned up his shirt and added, "So, what's next for us, Holly?"

Holly reddened and cleared her throat. "I'd like to see you again, soon."

"Very soon, I hope."

"Yes, very soon," she confirmed with a smile. "But I think that we should keep this thing to ourselves for a while, until I get things sorted out with my daughter."

"I think it's a good idea, although I'd like nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops!"

Holly raised herself and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"Ed! Thank God, you're home." Holly said as she stood outside the backdoor an hour later, waiting for her ex-husband to let her in.

"Holly! What brings you by so early?"

"Didn't you get my message?"

"Yes, I did late last night. I meant to call you back later today. Come in!"

Holly walked into the room and stood against the counter, twisting her hands nervously. "Have you seen Blake since yesterday?"

She could tell by how normal he acted that he probably had not but it was worth a try.

"I haven't since last week, why?" He peered at her more closely and frowned. "Holly, what's going on?"

"Oh, Ed! Blake found out about something and we're about to have a huge fight, that is, if she stops running from me."

Ed chuckled and sat down. "You guys fight all the time; it can't be that bad!"

Holly shook her head. "This time it's different, believe me." She let herself fall into the nearest chair and buried her face in her hands.

"Okay, if you say so. Why don't you tell me what she found out that was so horrible, then? Is it something that you did or that she thinks you did?"

Holly looked up and took a deep breath. She realized that it was too late to leave Phillip out of the story, and, if she must disclose her relationship to somebody, it might as well be Ed. "Yes, it is. Please promise me that you won't interrupt me before I'm done telling you about it."

Ed nodded, starting to look worried.

"Last fall, I met a man while I was in Rome. I was in a restaurant, right after my divorce, and he accosted me at my table. We ended up talking all night, and we spent the night together." She saw the surprise on Ed's face and went on hurriedly. "It's not a habit of mine to jump into bed with strangers, believe me, but there was something about him that attracted me instantly and that made me trust him. Also, I knew that I would never see him again after that night; I lived in Europe while he was just travelling by, and he was younger than me, much younger."

She paused and looked around, suddenly embarrassed. "Maureen and Michelle aren't here, are they?

"No, they left already. Go on."

"Right. You should also know that we didn't ask a lot of questions about each other. I didn't even know his last name. We were just passing in each other's life, trying to get through a difficult time. The next morning, I left before he woke up, and I thought that that was it."

"But it wasn't?"

Holly shook her head and worked up the courage to go on. There was no turning back now, not with the way Ed was looking at her.

"When I came back to Springfield a few months later, I discovered that I had known this man all along, except that the last time I had seen him, he was still just a boy. It's Phillip Spaulding."

Ed's eyes widened in shock as he slowly registered all the implications of her last sentence.

"And Blake has learned about this?"

"I don't know how she first got wind of it, but she tricked Phillip into admitting it to her yesterday. I haven't heard from her since."

"How did she take the news?"

"As badly as you can imagine. She blames me for everything."

"But she knows that you didn't recognize him when you two slept together, right?"

"I don't know and I doubt that it will redeem me in her eyes."

"Why? What do you mean?

"Because there is more to the story. Phillip and I…"

"Yes?"

"I never thought that this could happen, Ed, I swear, but I fell in love with him. I love Phillip."

This time, Ed could not hold in his surprise any longer. He got up and started pacing, looking at Holly from time to time with mounting astonishment. He tried to picture Holly with the young man, but to no avail. "This makes no sense. How? When?"

"We've been thrown into each other's company a lot since I came back to town, for various reasons, and it just happened. It took me a while to realize it myself. All I can tell you is that I have felt connected to him from the start, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not."

"So you guys have been having an affair since you came back?" The disapproval in his voice made her flinch. She could tell how bad it sounded from the outside, and she also knew that after what had happened between Phillip and Rick, the former was not Ed's favorite person at the moment.

"It wasn't like that, but something did happen, twice."

"I see."

"Do you, really? Do you have any idea how hard I've tried to put this affair behind me when I first came back. The last thing that I wanted was for Blake to find out. However, the harder we tried, the more difficult it became for Phillip and I to resist our feelings. Then Blake started seeing Alan-Michael –"

"I beg your pardon?"

Holly shrugged as if she still could not believe it either. "Yes, Phillip and I discovered their affair by accident, and let's just say that it was a bit harder to stay away from each other after that. I even think that she's starting to develop real feelings for Alan-Michael.

Ed rubbed his face, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. He cared for Holly but he also loved Blake, and he hated to see either one suffer, especially because of the other. If he was being truly honest with himself, he also had to admit that the thought of Holly with Phillip rattled him a little.

"And you really think that Phillip is in love with you? He's so much, huh, younger and…" Ed stopped abruptly. He hated how judgemental he suddenly sounded.

"I know that our age difference is significant, and that's another reason why I stayed away at first, but he does love me. He's a decent man. I know that Phillip made a mistake by sleeping with Meredith, and that Rick is really hurting right now – "

"Hurting? I'm worried to death about him. He is drinking way too much, and with his family history," Ed pointed at himself, "I wouldn't be surprised if this turned into a real problem really soon."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Holly got up to leave. "Look, I'm not expecting you to approve of Phillip and me, but I just wanted you to know so that you can tell me if Blake tries to contact you."

"I will."

They stared at each other silently for a few seconds.

"Please don't judge me too harshly, Ed. I couldn't bear it."

Ed sighed and put his hand over hers. "I'm not judging you. But you keep putting yourself into these terrible situations when it comes to men, and I can't help but wonder…"

"Wonder what?"

Ed let go of her hand and started pacing again. "Do you remember when we were married and you kept running to Roger every time that my back was turned?"

Holly blushed violently; she had never really gotten over the shame of having treated Ed so badly. "Ed, please, I feel dreadful enough as it is."

Ed raised his hands to interrupt her. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad; I'm just trying to make a point. You tried to lie to yourself back then about your true feelings and you ended up hurting everyone around you in the process, including yourself. Don't you think that maybe you did the same thing again?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you were so intent on not seeing Phillip again and on protecting Blake, then why did you stay in Springfield? Why didn't you go back to Europe once Blake was alright?"

Holly shook her head, unable to answer him. Her reasons for staying, which had seemed valid at some point, all crumbled under Ed's scrutiny.

"Could it be that you didn't want to leave him?"

"I didn't want to fall in love with him, Ed, I swear to God." She turned away as tears threatened to overwhelm her.

She felt Ed's presence behind her and his hands on her shoulders. "We rarely get to choose who we fall in love with, honey."

Holly turned to him. "I know, but try getting Blake to believe that! Knowing that I have genuine feelings for Phillip won't make her hurt less."

"I don't know about that, but my guess is that right now she's hurting not so much because Phillip is in love with you, but because you hid it from her. I know that you meant well by keeping her in the dark, but maybe you should have told her the truth from the start."

"Oh, Ed! How will I ever get her to forgive me?

Ed took her in his arms and rested his chin of the top of her head. "I think that you could try being honest with her. Tell her how you feel and why you did the things that you did. The rest is up to her; either she can find it in her heart to forgive you, or either she can't."

Holly sighed and pulled away. She knew that Ed was right. She put on her coat and walked to the door. "For the record, I honestly thought that I could stay away from him," she said.

"Who? Phillip or Roger?" Ed asked.

Holly smiled sadly. "Both."

Ed waited until she had left before replying softly. "Yes, Holly, you have always been good at denying your feelings. Maybe it was time that you did something about that."

Holly walked into her office a little while later and found a message waiting for her on her machine. He heart skipped a beat as she heard her daughter's voice.

"It's Blake. Listen, I know that you've been looking for me, but I really need some time by myself to process this whole thing. I'm sure you can understand that. I'll call you when I feel better."

Holly played the message a second time. Her daughter sounded edgy, but not enraged, which she guessed was a good thing. Maybe they would be able to patch things up after all. She played the message one last time before sorting out her mail. She was in the middle of a letter when Ross popped his head into her office.

"Hey, any news from Blake?"

"She just left me a message, actually. She had to get away for a while."

"Nothing serious, I hope. Listen, I'll be in court for the next two days, so I just wanted to confirm right now that we're still on for the picnic? At what time shall I pick you up?"

Holly put her hand before her mouth and closed her eyes briefly. She had not planned on having this conversation with Ross so soon, but she felt it would be unfair to him to wait any longer. She got up from her desk and went to close the door.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that. There have been some changes in my life in the last few days, and it means that I cannot go on dating you," she stammered.

Too taken aback to speak, Ross sat down and waited for her to go on.

"You see, I've had feelings, strong feelings, for someone else for the past few months, but I was convinced that the relationship was a dead end, for reasons that I won't get into now."

"If you were in love with another man, why did you agree to go out with me?" Ross said, looking a little vexed.

"Because as I've just said, I thought it best not to pursue the other relationship. I was determined to move on."

She went to sit beside Ross on the couch. "The last thing that I want you to think is that I've led you on. You're a very attractive man, Ross. Any woman would be lucky to have you."

Ross raised an eyebrow. "Well thanks, I guess."

"I hope that this won't put a strain on our relationship. I really enjoy having you for a partner, and a friend."

"I'll admit that I'm disappointed, but not heartbroken, if that's what you're afraid of." He got up and walked toward the door. "So, who is the chosen one? Anyone I know?"

Holly cleared her throat. "I'd rather wait until things get serious before I said anything."

"Don't want to jinx it, huh?"

"Let's just say that it's still complicated. I just want you to remember that I was sincere when we did date, Ross. I didn't take you for second best, please remember that."

"You sound so serious! Don't worry about it so much. You know, the more that I think about it, the more I think that this might be for the best."

He smiled, obviously amused by something that she could not guess, and then left her get back to answering her mail. He went straight to his office to make a phone call to Vanessa Chamberlain. Sometimes life chooses for you, he thought as he dialled her number.


	20. Revenge

"I wish I could bring you as my date to the BBQ tomorrow. Are you sure that you won't change your mind?" Phillip asked Holly as they settled on one of the couches at Holly's house, in front the fire.

In the last few days, they had spent all their free time together, either holed up in her bedroom or taking walks on the riverbank behind her house, since a night out was still out of the question. Now they had just finished dinner and were eager to be in each other's arms again.

"You know that I can't be you date, not until I've spoken to Blake. Besides, we have to be careful about how we share the news of us being together. I think that we should tell certain people privately, and not just flaunt our…"

"Our love?" Phillip said teasingly.

Holly smiled before resuming. "Yes, our love, in front of everyone. People will be shocked."

Phillip's brow darkened. "I know, and I hate it. Falling in love with you has made me so happy, and I have to hide it, to pretend that it doesn't exist, as if it was a bad thing. And why? Because of a bunch of judgemental and jealous people!"

"There are those people, yes, but also your family. Surely you can't blame them if they turn out to be concerned about you. Our age difference is real, and it's not going away."

"If we decided that we could deal with it, then so should they. I may be younger than you, but I'm old enough to decide how I want to live my life."

Holly shifted on the couch so that she could put her head on Phillip's shoulder. "Who should we tell first?"

"Definitely Dad and Aunt Alex."

"I think you're right. We'll go to the mansion, sit them down and tell them everything. They can't stay mad at you forever."

Phillip let out a mirthless laugh. "Spauldings can hold a grudge indefinitely. I sure wish I had someone in my corner right now," he said before brushing his lips on her forehead.

"You must miss Rick very much."

"I miss the old Rick, at any rate. I'm not so sure about the man that he has become lately. Maybe that's my doing, though. I did take his friendship for granted more times than I can remember, and I've been a jerk." He turned to face her. "I hope you won't think less of me for it."

"Hey, we all did things that we're not proud of. The important thing is that you realize it and that you try to do better."

"I am," Phillip said before kissing her on the lips. "I'm really trying."

Holly smiled under his kiss and she pushed him gently on his back so that she could lie on top of him. She reached for his shirt and pulled it over his head. "I think we're done talking for now," she replied with a knowing look.

Phillip retorted by deftly pulling her dress over her head and throwing it on the floor. He ran his hands down her face and her neck before pressing them against her breasts. "I think you're right" he said before pulling her toward him.

* * *

Mid-afternoon the next day, the Spaulding grounds were bustling with activity as the guests arrived in droves for the BBQ, which promised to be the social event of that spring.

Holly was among the first to arrive, accompanied by Gilly and a small crew from WSPR. Since all the proceeds of the event were to go to Cedars's hospital, the Spauldings had invited the station to do a small topo for the six o'clock news, which would be broadcasted live from the mansion.

After giving some instructions to the cameraman, Holly went outside the house to see if what Ross had promised her was right. She was not disappointed. After passing through the mansion, the guests were all ushered in the garden, where a huge white tent had been erected. Inside, there was a jazz band already playing, fresh tulips on every table and garlands of fairy lights hanging from the ceiling. Holly made her way across the tent, noticing the outdoor portable heaters every few feet, shaped like antique streetlamps.

"Where do they find those things?" she muttered with a sarcastic smile. She had always known that the Spauldings were rich, but her relationship with Phillip made her see that wealth in a whole new light. She suspected that it would make his family that more disapproving of her; after all, she was far from the ideal daughter-in-law according to their standards. Although she came from a wealthy family, she had little money compared to the Spauldings, and she was technically even old enough to be Phillip's mother. More importantly, she was not some young and impressionable girl who Alan and Alex could handle as they saw fit.

Shaking her head, Holly crossed the bar and continued her way to the back of the tent, where there was another entrance. Right outside stood three enormous BBQ, in front of which cooks where busy grilling various pieces of meat and fish. Although there was still a chill in the air, the three men were sweating abundantly from the exertion and the heat coming from the grills. Holly stood for a while, fascinated by the masses of meat piling up higher and higher on the plates.

"This BBQ is almost decadent, wouldn't you say?" she heard a woman say on her left. She turned with a start and smiled as she discovered Reva Shayne Lewis smiling at her, with a sparkle in her eyes.

"And I come from the South, which is saying a lot!" the blond added before laughing out loud.

They exchanged a few more pleasantries while making their way to the closest table inside. Reva grabbed two flutes of champagne from a waiter passing by and handed one to Holly. "Tell me, how are you enjoying Reva's Bend? Or did you change the name since you moved in?"

Holly shook her head. "I haven't had time to give much thought to a new name yet, but Reva's Bend has a nice ring to it, and the house is simply perfect. It's so cozy and warm, and right by the river. Thank you so much for selling the place to me."

Reva flipped her hair and laughed again. "It was my pleasure. I want everybody to be as happy as I am right now."

"I heard that you were married to Josh Lewis a few weeks ago."

"Yes, finally!"

"You sound as if it had been a long time coming," Holly said as she gave Reva a sideway glance. She did not want to sound prying, but she was curious nonetheless. Since her return from Springfield, she had heard the most extravagant stories about the woman.

As if reading her mind, Reva cocked her head on one side and stared right at her as she replied, "Oh honey, everything that you heard is true!"

She laughed once more as Holly almost choked on her mouthful of champagne. "Yes, I used to be married to Josh's older brother, Billy. We stayed together for eight years. A few years after our divorce, in the mid-eighties, the whole Lewis clan ended up in Springfield, and I soon followed. Oh, I was up to no good back then!" She shook her head as she recalled her vain efforts to break up Vanessa and Billy in return for a generous payment from Alan Spaulding, who wanted Vanessa for himself.

Holly toyed with her flute for a minute, and then worked up the courage to ask a question. "And is it also true that you were married to Billy and Josh's father?"

Reva's eyes softened. "You mean H.B. Yes, I was. I'll be honest with you, I did not marry him for love, but I did end up caring for him a great deal, in my way. I'm sorry that I ever hurt him, and I did try to make him happy, but in the end I just couldn't."

"Why is that?"

"Because I loved Josh. I always loved Josh."

Holly stared at the woman facing her for a few seconds. "You seem so, how shall I put it, unapologetic. I like that," she said with a smile.

"Darling, once you realize what you really want, you have to go for it and the hell with everyone else! Life is too short to sit and wait."

Holly nodded silently. She couldn't help but apply Reva's words to her current predicament, and felt that her choice of seeing Phillip was somewhat validated.

"And how is Springfield treating you so far?" Reva asked after a while.

"Good! I've been lucky enough to buy into WSPR, and get a job that I love. Ross and I are really turning this station around, but it means a lot of work. It feels like it's all that I've been doing lately."

"Really, so no man in sight?"

Holly hesitated. She instinctively felt that Reva would understand about Phillip, and it would be nice to finally be able to confide in another woman. Gilly and Nadine were her friends, but she didn't want to burden the former with the secret, and she didn't trust the latter to hold her tongue. Maureen Bauer was out of the question, and she barely knew anyone else in town. She cleared her throat and finally said, "Well, there is someone, but it's complicated."

"Is it Ross? Because he's your partner?"

Holly shook her head and took a long sip. "Dating Ross would have been much simpler, believe me. And besides, I think I saw him come in with Vanessa Chamberlain a few minutes ago."

Reva looked around and spotted the couple in the crowd, then nodded knowingly. "There was always something lingering between these two, indeed. So, if not Ross, then who?" she asked, turning back to Holly.

"I really can't say yet. Let's just say that our families won't approve, and we have to let them know first."

"How serious you sound!" Reva got up and squeezed Holly's hands. "If you need to talk, you know where to find me. I remember what it's like to come to this town, without a friend to turn to."

She waved before disappearing into the crowd, leaving Holly to her thoughts.

* * *

It took another hour for her to finally spot Phillip. She watched him as he went from guest to guest, shaking hands and thanking everyone for donating so generously. He was followed by Catherine Dawson, whose dispirited look did not escape Holly. She knew that Phillip had sat down with Catherine a few days ago to set things straight between them. Though things had never gotten physical, he felt he owed her an explanation. To his surprise, Catherine had taken the fact that he was involved with someone else rather calmly. She had suspected it. However, she had told him that working so closely with him was out of the question, and that she would be leaving Springfield as soon as her internship was completed.

Holly sighed. How many people would have to get hurt for Phillip and her to be together? It seemed so unfair.

She turned on her heels to walk back to her table when she felt a hand on the small of her back. She jumped as she discovered Phillip standing right next to her.

"Are you hungry?" he said as he tried to lead her outside the tent.

"Phillip, we can't be seen together," she muttered through clenched teeth.

"Nonsense! People won't notice if we have a little chat. I won't try to kiss you or anything, although I certainly wish that I could," Phillip said with a grin. "Besides, it's about your newscast, so see it as a business meeting, okay?"

"Fine, stalker," Holly retorted as she followed him to the grills.

They came back with plates of filet mignon and grilled vegetable and sat down at a remote table. Phillip glanced at his watch while chewing on a mouthful.

"It's almost five-thirty. In half-an-hour, Ed will take the stand, right over there," Phillip said as he pointed to the opposite corner of the tent. "He will announce the amount that will be donated Cedars and make a small speech to thank the contributors and to explain how the funds will be spent."

"It will be perfect for the live broadcast. I'll make sure that the team is ready to film by then."

They ate in silence for a while and then exchanged a smile as Phillip discreetly took hold of Holly's hand under the table. "I can't help it; you're too beautiful."

Holly reddened and got up. "You're incorrigible! I have to go get ready for the broadcast."

"Do you want to meet later tonight at your place?"

"Sure."

Holly left, cheered up by the thought of the evening awaiting her. She did not notice Rick standing in the corner, a brooding look in his eyes.

* * *

"It's rolling!" the cameraman called to Holly half-an-hour later.

The whole assembly turned to the stage, to which Ed Bauer made his way, followed by Alexandra and Alan. The three of them thanked all of their guests for their generosity, and they waited until the applause subsided before pulling out a giant check from behind the stage, made to the amount of $150 000. The crowd cheered once again, this time even louder, before Ed could finally finish his speech.

"And now, I'd like to welcome Doctor Frederick Bauer on the stage. As some of you know, my son is in charge of developing the oncology department of the hospital, and he will explain to what your generous donations will be employed."

Rick made his way to the stage and greeted his father a little too cheerfully. The latter frowned and pulled his son away from the microphone to exchange a few words, but Rick soon shrugged him off. Meanwhile, Holly and Phillip exchanged a worried glance; it was obvious to both of them that Rick had been drinking and should not be speaking publicly.

"Thank you everyone for being here. I'm really glad that I could get this opportunity to address all of the most prominent members of our community. Before I begin with my little exposé, though, there is one person that I would like to thank most specifically for making this event a success. That person is Phillip Spaulding."

People started to clap loudly, while Holly could see Phillip shaking his head.

"Because you see, for Phillip Spaulding, it's all about sharing. Sharing his wealth, among other things. Did I ever tell you that he also thought it would be okay that I share my fiancée with him?"

The applause slowly died as people started to exchange awkward glances. "Yes, he did that, and when he was trough destroying my life, he went on with his as if nothing had happened. Look at him now, ladies and gentleman, the perfect picture of romantic bliss. You see, Phillip has met the woman of his dreams. It's too bad that you used to date her daughter before her, isn't that right, Phillip? Or did you conveniently decide to forget about Blake before you decided to have an affair with Holly Lindsey?"

There was an audible gasp in the crowd before it fell completely silent. Then several things happened at once. Gilly shouted to the cameraman to turn off the camera before ordering someone at WSPR through her head set to put something else on the air. Ed roughly pulled his son down the stage and dragged him out of the tent, while Alan did the same with Phillip.

As for Holly, she stood rooted to the ground, petrified by what had just happened. She felt the blood rush out of her head and thought that she would faint. Through the fog that gathered before her eyes, she dimly saw the faces of the people surrounding her, all staring at her as if she was a curious creature. She saw Ross, who stood crestfallen next to Vanessa, as well as Johnny and Chelsea who were obviously shocked by the news.

And then she saw Blake. Her daughter was right next to the bar, an inscrutable expression on her face. When her mother met her eyes, she raised the glass of champagne that she was holding and made a toast into the air, then drained her glass.

Holly turned on her heels and ran blindly out of the tent.


	21. The River

Ed dragged Rick outside of the tent and pushed him roughly against the low wall separating the lawn from the wooden area surrounding the mansion.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he hissed. Rick could not remember having seen his father so furious before. He looked down, unable to meet his eyes, and muttered an inaudible explanation. Now that the effects of alcohol were wearing off, he was starting to take the full measure of what he had done.

Ed forced him to raise his head and took a long look at him. "You're drunk. I never should have let you take the stand." There was no contempt in his voice, not even anger anymore, just pain and sadness for his son's sufferings. He sat next to Rick and put an arm around him, while the other started to cry silently.

"I can't take it anymore, Dad."

"I know, son, I know, but lashing out at Philip was not the answer. It can be easy sometimes to point the blame on someone else when things go wrong in our life, but the truth is that Phillip is not to blame for everything that happened recently. I'm not saying that he has been a good friend to you, but he did not make Meredith lose that baby, and he did not make her leave you. She chose to do that, and you have to deal with it, even if it hurts like hell."

Rick sniffled, his shoulders still shaken by sobs. "How come it has to be so hard for me? And how come Phillip has it so easy? It's not fair."

"Life rarely is, but by trying to get revenge, you're not evening the score, Rick, you're just demeaning yourself. That's not the Rick that I know! And what about Holly in all this? Didn't you hesitate just a little before dragging her into this? Didn't you at least want to hear her version before exposing their relationship to the whole town?"

"Holly deserved what she got and more," a voice said a few feet away from them. They raised their eyes to see Blake coming their way. Ed's eyes went from her to his son, and he shook his head.

"I should have guessed that this was your idea, Blake," he said coldly, his anger returning.

Blake stopped in her tracks. She had not expected that reaction.

"Do you mean that you're taking her side?" she asked.

"I'm not taking anyone's side, but what you did was low, Blake, and mean. Your mother didn't deserve this kind of public humiliation. I'm very disappointed in you."

Blake flushed under his glare and tried to defend herself. "She slept with Phillip, knowing full well that I had feelings for him. She carried on an affair with him behind my back for months!"

"Are you sure about that last part? Did you even bother to ask for her version of the story?"

"There's nothing to ask! She doesn't give a rat's ass about me, or else she never would have gotten involved with him."

Ed closed the distance between them and took her by the shoulders. "Listen to me. I don't know the whole story, but what I do know for sure is this: your mother loves you and the last thing that she wanted was to hurt you. "

"But she did!"

"Yes, she did, but you should have tried to deal with it differently. It's not too late for you to patch things up."

Blake snickered. "No way. I'm done with her. Thanks for your support," she added cynically before walking away.

Ed sighed and turned to Rick, who was still sitting with sagging shoulders on the low wall. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"No thank you, I'd rather walk. I need some fresh air to clear my head."

"Alright, but we're not done talking about this."

"What, I am grounded? I'm not a child, Dad," Rick retorted curtly. His embarrassment was mounting by the minute, and being scolded by his father made it even worse because he knew that he deserved it.

"You may not be a child, Rick, but you sure acted like one today."

Rick got up and looked at his feet. "I know," he finally conceded. "Thanks for not being too hard on me," he said before walking toward the woods separating the mansion from the Bauer's house.

* * *

Meanwhile, Alan and Phillip stood facing each other in the library.

"Is it true, son?" Alan asked calmly as he leaned against the mantelpiece, while Phillip started to pace to and fro, obviously furious.

"Which part?" Phillip snapped.

"The affair! Are you having an affair with Holly Lindsey?"

Phillip ran his hands in his hair then stopped walking. "It's not like Rick said, but yes, Holly and I are seeing each other. It's recent."

Alan let out a low whistle and walked to the bar after a short pause. He looked at his watch and decided that it was late enough for a scotch.

"Holly is certainly an attractive woman," he stated after a few seconds. He dropped an ice cube in his drink and turned back to his son. "I can understand why you would want to have an affair with her, even if she's a little older." He took a sip and looked at his son pensively. "Too bad that Rick blew the whistle on you two."

Phillip stared at his father, his mouth almost gaping. It was not like Alan to be so understanding. "Yes, I could ring his neck, but people would have found out eventually," he finally said.

Alan raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that with Holly and I dating –"

"Whoa, back off a minute! I thought that you were just having fun with her."

"Not at all, Dad. We're serious about each other."

"Are you really?"

"Positively."

Alan put his glass on the coffee table and smiled condescendingly. "Get real, Phillip, this woman is almost twice your age. This is not going anywhere! Besides, have you thought of all the bad publicity this will bring to Spaulding Enterprises now that you're dating the mother of your former girlfriend?"

"First of all, Blake was never my girlfriend, and second of all, my personal life is of nobody's business!" Phillip retorted, raising his voice.

"It is now that the whole town has heard about it on television." Alan picked up his glass and emptied it into his mouth. "Come on, we have to go reassure the guests and make an announcement."

"What announcement?"

"That Rick has invented the whole thing and that you're not involved with anyone, especially not Holly Lindsey."

Phillip stared at his father before smiling incredulously. Alan would never cease to amaze him. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

Alan took him by the elbow and tried to lead him out of the room. "Come, Phillip. Business first."

Phillip shrugged him off. "Not always, Dad. Not this time." He smoothed the sleeve of his suit and went to look for Holly.

* * *

Holly had ran to the closest place she knew would be safe; the mansion's attic. She collapsed on the couch where she had comforted Phillip not so long ago, hot tears of rage and humiliation running down her cheeks. She knew too well that Rick had only been a puppet in the farce that had just taken place, and Blake the master.

"Why is it that you Lindsey women are so intent on bedding Spaulding men? Is it the money?" she heard someone say.

Wiping her tears, she turned to find Alexandra standing by the door. Something in her eyes made Holly want to pull herself together, and quick.

"I don't want to discuss this right now, Alex," she said in a tired voice.

Alex took a few steps in her direction, her face grave. "I don't care if you feel like it or not; we are going to talk about this. Do you realize how this affair makes Phillip look?"

"How?"

"Like a fool! Either people will think that he's nothing but a playboy or that he's gone and fell in love with a woman who could be his mother. I'm not sure which version is the worst."

Holly stared at the woman facing her for a few seconds. Alexandra was so sure that she had the monopoly of the truth, it almost made her sick. She stood up and straightened herself out. "You know what, Alex? I don't really much care what you think." So much for easing his family into the situation, she thought.

Alexandra's eyes turned to steel. "I demand to know the whole story; when did this thing start between you and Phillip?"

"I would gladly explain if I thought that you're could show some objectivity about this. As it is, thought, this is not of your business."

Alex ignored her rebuff. "Why did you not tell me about your affair when I approached you about doing a profile on Phillip? You lied to me."

"I kept my private life to myself, which is entirely different. I was not out to fool you, Alex. Nothing was going on between us at that time. Nothing physical, anyway."

Alexandra appeared to be pondering on her answer for a few seconds. She walked to Phillip's desk and absent-mindedly shuffled with some of the papers lying around. "Phillip is such a brilliant man, so full of promise. How can you encourage him to ruin his future like this?" she finally said.

"I don't see how being with the woman he loves would be ruining his life."

"Are you going to stand here and pretend that you have genuine feelings for him?" Alex thundered.

"Do you think that I would put up with you if I didn't have to? No fortune in the world would entice me to stay with a man I didn't love if it meant having you as an in-law."

Alexandra reddened under the insult, but found no reply. Holly walked up to her and looked straight in her eyes. "You listen to me. I'm not an idiot; I know that it would have been easier for Phillip and me to walk away from each other, but we found out that we couldn't. People are going to be judging us, but we hoped that maybe, just maybe, our families could come to understand and accept our relationship. Instead, all you've been doing since you came in here is insult me and try to make me feel as if I was not worthy. Well, I have a newsflash for you; Phillip and I are in for the long run, with or without your approval."

"I doubt that Phillip will feel the same way when he realizes that his family is not by his side anymore."

Suddenly, there was a noise by the entrance and Phillip came in. It was obvious by the look on his face that he had not missed a word of the conversation. "I'm afraid Holly is right, Aunt Alex. We'd like nothing more than your support, but we'll do without it if we have to."

He walked up to them and took Holly's hand, a gesture that made Alexandra cringe.

"Then I don't know how you can continue to work at Spaulding Enterprises under such circumstances."

Holly gasped at the words but Phillip only shrugged. A movement outside the window had caught his attention. He saw Rick walking briskly across the lawn and toward the woods. "We'll talk about this later; there's something that I have to go and take care of." Not letting go of Holly's hand, he led her toward the door. "Will you wait for me downstairs?"

Holly gazed at him worryingly. "Sure. Don't take too long, thought. I can't wait to get out of here."

* * *

"I must have a word with Rick," Phillip told Holly as they made their way downstairs.

"Are you sure that you want to do this now? You two are in no shape to discuss this calmly," she replied.

"I can't let him get away with this. The other time at the restaurant was bad enough, but this time he's gone too far." They reach the entrance of the tent and Phillip leaned in to give her a light kiss. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

He then broke into a jog and Holly saw him disappear between the trees. It didn't take him too long to spot Rick wandering aimlessly on the path leading to the Bauer's backyard. Phillip stopped to catch his breath before hailing him. There was no one else in sight and no noise except from the chirping of the birds and the babbling of the Springfield River running alongside the path.

"Rick!"

The young man turned around and Phillip could see him fight the impulse to run away. He did stand his ground, however, and waited as Phillip marched in his direction.

"How dare you using Holly to get back at me?" Phillip shouted when he was merely inches from Rick's face.

Rick tried to take a step back but Phillip grabbed him by the collar. "I didn't think, I'm sorry," Rick stammered as he struggled to break free of Phillip's grip.

"That's right you didn't think, because you're always drunk these days! You can take a shot at me any time that you want, I don't care. I might even deserve it. But Holly never did anything to you!"

"I said I was SORRY!" Rick shouted as he finally succeeded in pushing Phillip away. Losing balance, he staggered backward and slipped on the wet riverbank. As if in slow motion, he whirled his arms in a desperate effort to regain his stance, and then fell into the icy waters. Before Phillip could comprehend what was happening, the strong current had already taken Rick far down the river.

"RICK!" he shouted as he sprinted down the river, frantically searching for a branch or any object which he could use to pull his friend out of the water. He finally spotted him in the middle of the river a few feet away from him, his body flattened by the current against a huge rock. His head was bobbing in and out of the water and he looked unconscious.

"Help!" Phillip screamed again, getting desperate. There was no time to go back to the mansion to get someone, he quickly realized. Taking a deep breath, he kicked off his shoes and dived into the river. The contact of the freezing water against his skin took his breath away, and he struggled against the flow with a strength born of despair. Slowly, arduously, he made his way toward Rick, who was still perched precariously on the rock. He finally reached the young man and grabbed him under his armpits.

He hadn't counted on Rick's inert body being so heavy. Before he could take a few strokes, they were both taken away by the rolling waters.

..


	22. Doubts and Fears

"Ed, have you seen Phillip or Rick?" Holly inquired anxiously as her ex-husband ushered her inside his house.

Before giving her an answer, Ed took her coat and hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry for what happened earlier at the BBQ. If I had known what Rick was up to, I never would have let him take the stand."

Maureen, who had just joined them in the kitchen, gazed at Holly with genuine concern. "Is the party still going on?"

Holly rubbed her face and sat on the nearest chair, while Maureen brought to the table the pot of brewing tea she had been preparing. "There are still some people lingering on the grounds, but the party pretty much broke up after Rick's announcement. Rick is not the only one to blame, though; I'm convinced that Blake was behind it."

Ed nodded, looking tired. "Yes, I spoke to her right after and she admitted the whole thing. She still thinks that you had it coming."

Anger and pain washed over Holly; she felt like ringing her daughter's neck and consoling her at the same time.

"How did Alex and Alan take the news?" Maureen then asked.

"I don't know about Alan, but Alex gave me an earful just now. She's dead set against Phillip being involved with me. She even threatened to fire him from Spaulding Enterprises."

Maureen shook her head. "Why am I not surprised? So what did Phillip say?"

"Not much, actually, and we haven't had a chance to talk because he left immediately after to go speak to Rick. Which brings me back to the purpose of my visit; have you seen them? It's been an hour already and Phillip had sworn it would only take a few minutes. I'm starting to worry."

Ed and Maureen exchanged an apprehensive glance before Ed replied, "I wouldn't be surprised if they had gotten into an argument again. Do you know where they went?"

"I'm not sure. Phillip followed Rick to the woods between your two houses, but I took the same path coming here and there was no trace of either of them."

Maureen looked at the clock mechanically then squeezed Holly's hand. "I'm sure they'll turn up soon. Who knows; maybe it took that kind of outburst to finally resolve things between them."

"Maybe," Holly replied, though she was unconvinced. There was a brief silence as they sipped their tea. Suddenly the phone rang, making them all jump. Ed was the one who reached out to pick up the phone.

"Bauer's residence. Ed Bauer speaking."

There was a silence again as Ed listened intently to his interlocutor. His face paled and he replied that he was on his way. When he turned to Maureen and Holly, the two women were already on their feet, sensing that something was wrong.

"Did they get into a fight?" Holly inquired, not even naming Phillip and Rick. They all knew who she was referring to.

Ed picked up his coat and his car keys. "That was the hospital. Somehow Rick and Phillip ended up in the river and were recovered just now by a fisherman two miles down from here."

Maureen covered her mouth in horror while Holly simply stared at Ed, a question dying on her lips.

"They're alive, that's all I know," Ed said, as if reading her mind, "Let's go, we have no time to lose."

* * *

The news had spread quickly and Holly was vaguely surprised to find that Mindy, Vanessa, Ross and Samantha were already in the waiting area when they arrived at the hospital.

They were immediately met by Lillian, who had been waiting for them. "Rick is in the ER," she said, trying to stay professional. "He suffers from severe hypothermia and he's still unconscious."

"Severe? What's his body's temperature now?"

"It was at 70 degrees when he was first brought in. I'm not sure now."

"What's being done? Who's taking care of him?" Ed fired, looking toward the double doors at the far end of the room, behind which he knew his son lay between life and death.

Lillian put a comforting hand on his forearm. "Doctor Linden is in charge. They're trying to rewarm his body by injecting it with warm fluids. The good news is that he's still breathing on his own, although his respiration is very slow."

Ed gave a sideway glance to Lillian. He knew her too well not to know when she was refraining from saying something. "What's the bad news?"

"He has tachycardia and arrhythmia."

"What?" Holly said, trying to follow their conversation.

"His heart rate is up the roof and very irregular. It could be fatal if it goes on for too long." Lillian translated.

"Have they tried defibrillating?" Ed said before Holly could ask about Phillip.

"Once, but it hasn't worked so far. They'll try again when his core temperature returns back to normal."

"You mean "if", Ed said gravely.

Maureen walked up to him and took him in her arms. "He's young and healthy. If someone can make it, it's him."

Ed kissed the top of his wife's head then gently pulled away. "He was drunk, Maureen, which means that he was losing his body heat much more quickly than he would have normally." He slowly walked toward the emergency room, only to stop a few paces away. He knew full well that they would not allow him in the room. Suddenly his shoulders sagged and fear threatened to overwhelm him.

"What about Phillip?" Holly finally asked in a small voice. Lillian turned to her and smiled for the first time since they had arrived. "Phillip is going to be okay. He suffers from hypothermia as well from being in the water, but it's a mild case and apart from some temporary confusion and shock, he should be just fine."

"That's very good news," Maureen managed to say, while Holly burst into tears of relief.

"He managed to hold on to Rick and to keep his head out of the water. The fisherman said that Rick would not have made it without him," Lillian added with obvious pride at her ex-son-in-law.

"How did they get into the river in the first place?" Ed asked.

"I don't know; Phillip was rambling when they brought him in, and he's under sedation now. He did ask for you though," Lillian said to Holly with a puzzled expression. She was one of the few members of Springfield who had not been at the BBQ earlier. "You can see him when he wakes up."

After a last soothing glance to the small group, she left to attend to a patient. Ed crashed into the nearest chair and motioned to them to do the same. "It's going to be a long night."

* * *

A few minutes later, Alan and Alexandra rushed into the hospital, shouting inquiries to anyone who would listen.

"Where is my son?"

"Is Phillip alright?"

Lillian promptly sat them down, explained what had happened and told them that they would be allowed to see him as soon as he would be awake. From the other side of the room, Holly could see their smiles of relief as they learned that Phillip would live.

She also caught Alexandra giving her the evil eye, and had to resist the urge to stick out her tongue in return. She forced herself to take a deep breath. She knew that she was so exhausted and on edge that the slightest provocation could set her off, and that now was not the time for a wrestling match with the Spauldings.

She turned away from them and looked for the nearest coffee machine. From the corner of her eyes, she saw the hospital door open, and immediately sensed that her daughter had entered the room.

Time seemed to stand still for a second as everyone held their breath. Holly slowly faced her daughter. "You have no right to be here," she growled. "Get out!"

Blake looked pleadingly past her mother at Ed and Maureen. It was obvious that she had been crying. "I came to see Rick. I didn't mean for this to happen..."

Before anyone else could reply, Holly shouted, "That's the problem, Blake, you never think about the consequences! It wasn't enough that you almost killed Phillip and Alan-Michael in that car accident, no! You had to go at it again, you had to get revenge! If Rick dies, it will be your fault!"

She vaguely felt that Ed was trying to lead her back to her chair, but she was too incensed to be quieted and she roughly shrugged him off. A switch had been turned on inside of her and there was no stopping now. She would finally have her say.

"You knew that Phillip and Rick were having problems. Didn't you care about their friendship at all? Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

Blake's gaze became steely as it met her mother's. "Because you had to pay for what you did to me!"

"If you had something to say, you should have come to me directly instead of using other people for your twisted plans. You didn't even have the guts to confront me!"

Blake approached Holly and poked a finger in her chest. "That's a bit rich coming from you, Mother! You've been hiding your affair from me for months!"

"I did not have an affair for months!" Holly screamed. She took a few steps back and ran her hands through her hair. Then, in a calmer voice, she added, "You would have known that if you would have taken the time to discuss this with me instead of acting like a spoiled child. Phillip and I have only decided a few days ago to be together."

"Let's say that you're telling the truth, which I seriously doubt. Still, you could have told me that you two had slept together in Europe, instead of patting me on the back every time that I wept about him!"

There was a gasp on the room, but neither of them let go of each other's sight.

"What was I supposed to do!? You had just tried to kill yourself over him; you were in the psychiatric ward of the hospital, for God's sake! I was convinced that Phillip and I were trough; that's why I didn't say anything. I wanted to protect you."

"Bullshit! You wanted to protect yourself. If you really cared about me, you would have left Springfield. Did it feel good to betray me, Mother? What have I ever done for you to be so nasty to me?"

"Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with you. I love Phillip, and he loves me, and I'm done feeling guilty about it." Holly looked around the room, as if daring anyone to protest. Then she turned back to Blake. "I never meant to hurt you, and I do want you in my life, but let's get one thing straight. Either way, I'm going to be with Phillip."

Blake looked at her with as much contempt that she could muster. "Suit yourself," she snickered. Then she left the room without looking at anyone else.

Unable to face the numerous pairs of eyes riveted on her, Holly turned on her heels and went straight to the chapel.

* * *

Holly had never been especially devout, but that day she prayed for the life of Rick Bauer with all of her heart. She had not pushed him into the river, but she could not help but feeling responsible for the afternoon's accident, even if only indirectly.

She never should have come back to Springfield, she thought for the millionth time. She knew from the start that nothing good could ever come of her returning here. Now she had lost her only daughter, and a man lay between life and death. In the silence of the chapel, she wondered if her love for Phillip was wrong after all. It had caused nothing but pain and chaos around them.

She had been so sure of her decision that very morning, when she had woken up next to him. Even a few minutes ago, as she battled with Blake, she had defended their love with a passion. Now that the anger was dying down and was being replaced by fear, the only thing that she knew was that she could never face Ed, Maureen or even Phillip if Rick was to die.

Lost in her thoughts, she did not hear Ross arrive until he kneeled beside her. She glanced at him sideways and waited for him to finish his short prayer before speaking.

"I guess I owe you an apology, Ross. I never meant to lead you on, though, you have to know that."

Ross kept his eyes fixed on the cross in front of him. "Yes, you told me that a few days ago when you cancelled our date, although at that time I never would have guessed that the man you were referring to was Phillip."

"Maybe I should have been more honest with you. When we started dating, I was indeed available. I never saw Phillip behind your back."

Ross finally turned to her. "I believe you, Holly."

Holly exhaled with relief. She had been holding her breath without realizing it.

"Thank you, Ross. It means a lot to me."

"My partnership with you is very important to me, Holly. I won't deny that I was shocked and maybe a little bit hurt when I learned the news this afternoon, but I'm not mad at you. I came here to tell you that."

Holly let out a mirthless laugh. "You're the only one in town who really has a reason to hate me, except Blake, and yet you're probably the only one who doesn't."

"People have been giving you a hard time I imagine."

"Yes and I'm afraid that it's only the beginning if I stay with Phillip."

Ross raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, if?"

Holly cleared her throat before telling Ross about her renewed doubts. "There had been so many obstacles from the start that I wonder if fate is trying to warn us not to be together."

Ross got up from his knees and sat on the wooden pew, followed by Holly. "I'm afraid that there is a flaw in you reasoning. If fate didn't want you to be together, then you never would have met in the first place. What were the chances of you two running into in each other In Europe after all?"

"Slim," Holly conceded.

"And you could not very well turn away from Blake after her accident, right? You had to come back."

"I could have left as soon as she was better."

Ross briefly looked in the distance, searching for the right words.

"The way I see it, we all had our own part to play in this little drama. Blake was the one who decided to crash her car into that tree, just as Phillip and Meredith decided to sleep together and Rick decided to drown his sorrows in the bottle. I was the one who insisted you stay and take over WSPR. So remember that you're only responsible for your own actions. However other people have decided to handle their anger is not of your responsibility."

Holly glanced at her friend and smiled for the first time since she had learned of the accident. "You're very wise, Mister Marler, and surprisingly Zen about life and love."

Ross grinned. "Maybe the return of a certain dark-haired beauty had something to do with that. In any case, I really wish you the best, Holly."

She clasped his hands briefly and looked at the entrance. "Do you hear something?" she asked.

"Yes, it looks like there is some sort of commotion in the ER. Maybe we should get back."

Before they could get up, a weeping Samantha rushed into the room. The sight of her almost made Holly's heart stop.

"What is it?" she murmured breathlessly.

"Rick is going to be alright!" Samantha exclaimed as she ran into her uncle's arms. They could both now see that her tears were tears of joy.


	23. Epilogue

**Three weeks later**

Sunlight was pouring trough the floor-to-ceiling windows of the spacious studio. A huge four-poster bed occupied a corner of the room, with its sheets all rumpled and tangled. In the opposite corner stood a comfortable armchair behind a chiselled oak desk, and on top of it throned a computer surrounded by several stacks of papers.

In between, there was a small living room area comprised of a couch and two armchairs, a rug and a television set. On the wall opposing the windows, the kitchen appliances were lined up and in front, a long and rustic pine table with the matching chairs. The rest of the space was more or less occupied by scattered potted plants and still unpacked boxes of books and clothes.

Suddenly, the door bell rang, disrupting the peaceful atmosphere and waking up Phillip, who had been napping on the couch. He yawned and stretched, briefly wondering where he was before realizing that someone was waiting at the door.

"I'm coming!" He opened the door to find Holly standing on the other side, looking uncomfortable.

"You came!" Phillip said, his eyes shining. "Come in."

Phillip took a few steps back and pointed at his surroundings. "Welcome to my new home! I hope you'll like it. It's very quiet." He sat on the couch and motioned to sit beside him. She complied, leaving a respectable distance between them. "I can finally get back to this novel of mine," he added, pointing at the desk.

Holly looked around the room with unconcealed curiosity.

"Are you sure about all this?" she finally asked.

"You mean about my moving out of the mansion?" Phillip replied with half a smile.

"Well, that and quitting Spaulding Enterprises."

"I didn't have much choice about either if you ask me. It was either that or giving you up." He looked at her intently, as if to will her to validate his choice, but she chose to elude the question for now.

"So, Alan and Alex haven't changed their minds." It was more of a statement than a question on her part.

"No, they're still adamant about the fact that we should not see each other."

"Because I'm not good enough for you."

Phillip cocked his head on one side and thought about his answer. "To be fair, I don't think that they have anything against you personally. I know that they respect you as a business woman. What rattles them is the age difference; they think that we're not suited for one another because of that."

Phillip paused and stared outside for a few seconds. "You see, family is very important to them, or rather perpetuating our dynasty is. They expect me to have many children so that at least one of them could someday take the reigns of Spaulding Enterprises. They're afraid that it's not going to happen if I'm involved with you."

Holly shifted on her seat. They had never openly discussed the question of having children before, and she knew that it could very well end up being an issue between them. Did she still want another child at her age? Her first and only other experience had been having Blake, and it had not turned out particularly well. More to the point, could she still have a healthy baby? And would Phillip end up resenting her if she could not?

"I can understand their concerns," she finally conceded. "Having children is one of the most important aspects of most people's life."

"I know that, but the key point here is that it's for me – for us – to decide. It's not up to them. So to answer your first question, yes, I'm sure that moving out and quitting my job was the right thing to do. I had to make them understand that I would not tolerate any more meddling on their part."

"Do you think that this will stop them from trying to interfere?"

"I should hope so. It can't go on as it has since the accident. They have been on my case like you wouldn't believe, visiting me everyday at the hospital, trying to bribe me with raises and bonuses, even offering me my own house, on the condition that I was to live there without you. They even dragged Beth from the grave to try and make me feel guilty."

"That's a bit low."

Phillip scoffed. "Haven't you heard my family's motto? The end justifies the means."

"I'm sorry you had to go through this."

"I wouldn't have had to go through it alone if you would have been there." He hesitated for a few seconds, then finally reached out and took her hands in his. "Why did you stay away, Holly? I waited for you to visit me ever since I woke up at the hospital, but you never came. Then you wouldn't return my phone calls or answer the door at your place, and a few times I'm pretty sure that you were standing on the other side of the door."

"I almost opened up once or twice," Holly said with the first hint of a smile.

"I was about to give up. Inviting you here today was my last attempt."

Holly got up and went to look outside the windows. "I'm sorry that I disappeared like that, especially when you were in the hospital, but I felt that I had to."

"Why?"

"Because after all the ugliness of that day, I wanted you to be sure that you still wanted to be with me in spite of it all. I wanted your family to have their say, and I felt that you wouldn't listen to them properly if I was around."

Phillip rose from the couch went to stand a few paces behind her. "I did listen to them, they forced me to, but it never changed the way I felt about you or what I wanted. I still want you Holly."

He could see her take a deep breath and when she turned, there was a smile on her face. "Good. Because I still want you too."

She threw herself into his arms and their lips met into a hungry kiss. "I missed you," Phillip managed to say between two kisses. "Me too," she replied breathlessly. Phillip took her by the hand and led her away from the windows and toward the bed. They quickly helped each other to undress before toppling over on the bed, their bodies intertwined.

* * *

"I missed that," Phillip said a couple of hours later. They had made love urgently before dozing off, and then woken up to make love once again, this time slowly and tenderly. They were now nestled against each other on the four-poster bed, watching the sun set through the windows.

"What did you miss?"

Phillip grinned and caressed her cheek. "Your voice, your smile, your beautiful red hair and let's see, what else? Your body moving under mine and the way you call my name when we're making love. I missed everything about you. I can't wait for us to start this new life together."

"Your life is going to be very different from now on, much more than mine."

"That's true, but in a good way. I've been putting off this novel for so long because of my job, even if it was really important to me, but now I'll finally able to concentrate on that. And it was about time that I moved out of my dad's house, don't you think?"

Holly nodded vehemently before she burst into laughter. The thought of having to sneak past Alan and Alex to meet Phillip at night was hilarious.

"How are you going to live though?" she asked when she was serious again. "There won't be any money coming in for a while."

"Don't worry, there will be plenty. I have managed the money from my trust fund very carefully from day one. That won't be a problem."

"Good."

"I do think that my family will come around sooner or later, however. Once they see that we're really serious about another, they're bound to give you a chance. Besides, Alan-Michael can always provide the offspring if I don't," Phillip said with a smirk.

He rolled out of bed and put on his robe. "Do you want any coffee?"

"I'd love some, thanks." Holly mused over Phillip's last words before asking, "How is Alan-Michael?"

Phillip rummaged in one or two boxes before extracting two mugs triumphantly. "He's doing great. He loves Paris and working at the Spaulding's division there. He's seeing a lot of Dinah and a lot of other young ladies as well, if I understand correctly."

"Does he ever mention Blake when you talk?"

Phillip paused while making the coffee. "I had to tell him about the last stunt that she pulled, honey. He would have found out through Dad anyway."

"I know. How did he take it?"

"He sounded shocked and disappointed, but he didn't say much, and I didn't push him."

"Mmm." Holly let the matter drop and wrapped a sheet around her body as she joined him in the kitchen. "What about Rick, any news?"

Phillip's face lit up instantly. "He's being dismissed today from the hospital."

"Oh, that's great! I'm so glad that he's going to be alright."

"He has a long road ahead of him still, I'm afraid. He's checking into rehab immediately after leaving the hospital. Ed and I convinced him to give it a shot."

"You mean that you two actually talked and agreed on something?"

Phillip pulled her to him and enclosed her in his arms. "It took a while, but it did happen, yes. The first few times, I was the one who did all the talking. I slipped into his room when he would be sleeping and I said all of the things that I had meant to tell him in the last few months. I told him how I missed him, and how scared I had been to lose him. I talked about you, and also how sorry I was about the baby."

He picked his mug of coffee on the counter with one hand while still holding Holly's waist with the other.

"Then one day, he woke up while I was there and we started talking for real. He wasn't too keen at first, but he was bedridden, so he had no choice but to stay and listen to me," he briefly laughed at the recollection, "and little by little, he opened up to me, like he never had before. He apologized for what he had done, but he also forced me to revisit everything that had happened between us over the years. I have to tell you that there were times when I felt like getting up and leaving the room, because I felt ashamed of some of the things that I had put him through, but I stayed."

"I can't believe that you were always the bad guy in this relationship. It takes two to tango, remember that."

"You're right, I know. He could have been more vocal about the problems he was having with me. We promised to try and be better from now on. He has to put his foot down when he feels like I'm being a jerk, and I have to stop being a jerk."

"Sounds like this friendship will be salvaged after all."

"Sounds like it. He wants me to bring you with me when I come and visit him in rehab. He says that he wants to apologize to you too."

"I'll be glad to go." She nuzzled her face against Phillip's chest and sighed. "If only Blake would come around, my happiness would be complete."

"Still no news?"

She shook her head. "It's been three weeks and still no word. No one has seen her. I'm starting to be worried."

"Don't be. She told Ed that she needed some time alone to figure things out. She'll come around."

"I hope you're right. I wonder where she is."

"Knowing Blake, she could be anywhere by now." He bent over Holly and kissed her softly. "Come on, let's go back to bed, love."

* * *

Blake stood in front of the apartment building for almost an hour before working up the nerves to go in. Once she had crossed the lobby, she forbade herself to turn back.

There was no answer to her fist knock and she began to fear that she had crossed the entire city for nothing. Then suddenly, there was a noise on the other side and the door opened to reveal Alan-Michael.

"Blake? What are you doing here?" he said, visibly astonished.

"I was passing by."

"You were "passing by" Paris?"

"If you let me in I could explain."

Alan-Michael hesitated briefly then moved aside to let her enter. He led her to the living room then stood next to the door, his arms crossed.

"Aren't you going to offer me something to drink?" she asked with the hint of a smile.

"Don't push it."

Her smile disappeared and her tone went from playful to sheepish.

"I guess you heard about what happened in Springfield."

"Phillip filled me in, as well as Dad and Aunt Alex."

Blake looked at her hands nervously then got up and started pacing. "I did something very stupid."

Alan-Michael scoffed. "At least you admit it!"

"Oh, Alan-Michael, I was blinded by rage at that time! I felt betrayed, and who wouldn't be, really? But I reacted like a child, I realize that now. I dragged Rick into this mess, and for that I'll never forgive myself."

He stared at her fixedly, unsure of what he should do with her confession. Was she sincere? "You know what saddens me the most, Blake?" he finally replied, "It's that it seems to me like you haven't grown at all. You're still the same girl who ran her car into a tree. You act and only after do you think of the consequences."

"You're right."

Again, her admission sounded sincere, but how could he know?

"I've had a lot of time to think in the last few weeks. I left Springfield the night of the fiasco and I've been in Paris ever since, all by myself. My first impulse had been to run to you, but then I realized that I had to come to terms with what had happened on my own."

"And how do you feel now?"

"I'm still furious, but I'm not furious so much with Mom anymore as with the situation. And I have a right to be, don't I? To find out that your mother is in love with the man that you used to love, and that he loves her back, that's bound to make anyone bitter, doesn't it?

"I guess," Alan-Michael admitted. He had been shocked to learn that Phillip was in love with Holly. She seemed so sophisticated to him, so out-of-reach. She was Blake's mother, not someone that you could make a move on. Meanwhile, Blake went on with her explanation.

"But most importantly, I'm mad at myself. I should have focussed on what was good in my life, not on the past." She turned toward him and took a deep breath. "I should have asked you to stay. I didn't want you to go."

They stared at each other for a few seconds. "What are you saying, Blake?" Alan-Michael finally asked while fighting the urge to take her into his arms. He was not going to be made a fool of twice.

"I'm saying that I made a mistake, and I know that it might be too late for us, but I'd like you to be my friend. You're the only one that I have."

"You only want us to be friends?"

"I'd like more than that, but even if you wanted me back, I'm in no shape to be in a relationship right now. I started seeing a therapist again, here in Paris. I think that there are a lot of issues from my past that I need to address before being able to make someone happy."

She took a few steps in his direction and held her hand toward him. "I don't want to go back to Springfield now, Alan-Michael. I'll let Holly know where I am when I feel ready to talk to her, but I've decided to make my life here for now. So what do you say? Will you be my friend?"

"No funny business?"

Blake grinned. "Just good clean fun, I promise." Alan-Michael finally allowed himself to smile back and they shook hands.

When she left, he stood pensively for a few minutes. It might take much longer than he had thought, but it looked like he might end up getting the girl after all. And so would his brother.

* * *

_I leave Holly and Phillip to their new life. Hope that you like the story!_


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